What a day...

What a day indeed. I woke up feeling good. CDs were arriving. We were about to practice. Nothing could go wrong. But everything did. We got the CDs in. Except the only thing they were good for were coasters. They were data CDs. Meaning they could only be played on computers not CD players. So here we have 250 frisbees. After that my dad calls and said they don't rent out trailers to explorers. So now we have no way of getting our stuff to Mobile on Sunday and no way to start getting some money to get to Cornerstone. Then I was to angry to even practice. Everything fell apart. I got mad. I threw things. I said things I shouldn't have. I did my usual Matt Barnes is mad rant. But then I decided to trust God and sit back and watch.

For one of the first times God decided to use my dad to help us. He's helped us before, but it never really involved him doing much. Just giving us money here and there, and I never felt like he truly wanted to help us. It just felt like he was doing it so we would get our kicks and maybe be done. He offered to take me to his job where they have a CD burner and printer and make a few for this weekend. On the way there he stopped at Home Depot and bought...yes...bought a 5 x 8 trailer. He needs it for some things, but he said it was for us. Then we went to make the CDs and they turned out looking great. He even said we could make the rest of them there.

This is an example of how God always comes through no matter what if its right. I never thought my dad would go this far out of his way to help us. But now I do. For the first time since we started this band, I feel like he really believes we can do something. I don't care as much about the stuff he helped me with as I do having him believe in me. The only thing that has ever held me back is the fact that he didn't. But God is showing my dad that we are going to make it. That we have some work to do for him. And I think he is starting to listen. And all of the thanks goes to God.

Grace v. Mercy

Some people think the definitions of grace and mercy are the same. While similar, they are not. Mercy is the choice not to punish someone for their wrongdoings. Grace is not only granting forgiveness, but rewarding the offender for their wrongs. This is what some people don't understand. When someone does something to offend you, reward them the way God rewards us with salvation, even though we sin. God does not give us mercy. He gives us grace. That's how amazing God's grace really is. Imagine if someone went behind your back, talked bad about you, and even ruined your reputation. I'm sure the first thing on your mind wouldn't even be mercy. The human instinct in us tells us to seek revenge. To make sure they get what they deserve. Most of the time, we don't even think about forgiving, much less rewarding them. Thats the beauty of God. We constantly slip up and sin against him, but he forgives. Not only does he forgive but he rewards us with eternity in heaven. For me, that is hard to fathom. God's forgiveness in never ending. His love is never ending. There is nothing we can do to make God love us more, and there is nothing we can do to make God love us less. Grace is an amazing thing. This world would be lost without it.

Grace brings freedom

As I've been studying grace and forgiveness in amongst people I know, I've realized how bad this problem really is. I've noticed the pettiest of things that people will latch onto and hold grudges for. I've noticed a huge lack of grace. What most people don't understand is that forgiving others will set you free. If something offends you, the simplest way to fix the problem is to forgive them. BEFORE they even ask for an apology. After all, isn't that what God does? Are we not supposed to walk as he would?
It doesn't make sense to hold a grudge. While you are tormented and stressed out because someone offended you, that person is going on living their lives as usual. Other people can't feel your anger. Staying angry and holding a grudge won't affect the other person nearly as much as it affects you. Forgiving sets you free. While it defies anything we feel, it is the only way to be free of anger. It is the only way to truly move on.
Try it. I promise it will work. Next time someone says or does something that offends you, forgive. You don't even have to say anything (although it helps). Just know in your heart that you have forgiven them. Watch their reaction. There is no weapon stronger than grace. People are going to hurt you. People are going to offend you. Are you going to live your life holding grudges, or are you going to free yourself through grace?
You don't have to wait for an apology. You don't have to wait for them to come to you. All you have to do is forgive. It's not an easy thing to do, seeing how when we get offended the last thing on our mind is forgiveness. Regardless of how hard it might be to let go of pride and forgive, the outcome will be much more fulfilling than living your life waiting for an apology.

The consequences of "ungrace"

I fell short today. As I do almost every second of the day. But this one still stings. I talk about grace all the time. I believe that love and grace is what most people that are struggling need. But today...I failed to write love on her arms.
A girl today told me of her struggles. I won't go into details, but I could tell she was hurting. I could tell she needed to know she was loved. Before I could think about it, I shrugged it off and changed the subject. After all...it's her life. Why should I care. She messed it up. She needs to deal with the consequences. Phillip Yancey coined the word "ungrace" in his book "What's So Amazing About Grace?" I think it's sufficient to use here.
I feel like such a hypocrite. Isn't this exactly what I have been feeling? Do I not pray every night for God to show his love through me, to send me people in need so that I can show them grace? That's all I've been able to think about. But when the time came to act, I failed. I feel like Peter when he promised God he loved him, but then when the time came to act, he denied him not once, but three times.
I've stated this many times, but I think it bears repeating. So many people in this world are lost and depressed. Their only way out is to see the grace and the love of God. It could be as simple as saying to them, "Hey...no matter what you do, I will still love you, and God will still love you."
This is a wake up call for me. For my own spiritual life, and to show me how hard it can be to show grace. It sounds so simple. Show the world grace, and people will be saved. Yet even as obsessed as I am with grace, I fall short when I need to show it most. Is this why so many people out there are struggling with their lives due to ungrace and a lack of love. It is a challenge to show people grace. Grace defies all common sense. People are so used to saying, "Well, they deserve it, then." How many times do people slip through our fingers when they are right there waiting to receive it. How many souls have been lost due to suicide because no one took the time to tell them they were loved? How many times have we failed to write love on someone's arms?

We need to wake up as Christians. Myself definitely included. We need to get out of our own "perfect" lives and start spreading grace. I won't stand for this anymore. I won't sit here and watch someone's life continue to fall apart because of ungrace. Not just with this one person, but with everyone God sends my way. I just pray that next time, I will see...and I will be ready.

...But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord
-Romans 5:20-21

Words don't always need to be spoken

Tonight I had an experience that I will never forget. For the first time, I truly felt God working through me. We played a show tonight at a Christian event. We were skeptical going on, especially since the previous band was a worship band, then a man shared his testimony, then they had an alter call. Not what we're used to at all. But we went out there anyway and played just like we always play. After the show, we had people lined up at our merch table, young and old, asking for pictures and autographs. One man actually had us sign his bible. Then a woman came up and said to us, " I have been debating whether or not to come over and tell you this, but I feel like God wants me to. I grew up listening to rock and roll and used to go see bands like ACDC and didn't know how it was affecting my life. I just want to let you know that God is using you and you guys are making a difference, and I can see God in you." After she said that, I was truly humbled. I realized for the first time, that God really was with us 100 percent. We didn't preach, we didn't play worship songs, and we didn't even say anything about being Christians, but she felt it. Other people felt it. That's God. That was not us. I realized that everything we do as a band is for God. This isn't my band. It belongs to God, and it is our way of serving him. To be able to send out a message without even saying a word about God...that's powerful. That's something big. This is what I believe we have that other bands don't. This is our way of reaching out to people. And I feel like this is a huge step towards something big. We had no right to take credit for what we did tonight. It all belongs to God. And I am perfectly fine with that.


Finally...I'm starting to get a picture of what God is about to unfold in my life. And I love it. I pray that he will continue to use me in this way to minister to people who need it.

Amazing Grace

I've felt a tug a my heart recently. I finally think I've found my "calling", if you will. I've had so many thoughts in my head, but there are way to many to put in a song or in a blog. So I've decided I'm going to write a book. This isn't what I feel I'm called to do, but this is the beginning. I don't know if it will ever get published or if anyone else will ever even read it, but right now I have thoughts that I feel like the world needs to hear and I can't let them float around in my head anymore.
I basically feel like the world needs to hear more about grace. The world needs more of it, and they need to know that God has unlimited grace. I think that the majority of unbelievers feel like they've done too much. They feel like their sins or unforgivable. I also feel that there are many people out there who have never experienced grace. No one, whether that be family, friends, or even the church, has ever shown it to them. People don't know what it's like to mess up and have someone say, "Hey...it's ok. I forgive you and I love you." It saddens my heart that people have never felt love and don't believe that there is grace out there for them. And I hate to say it, but a big reason is churches. I'm not slamming the idea of church by any means. It's an amazing thing to have somewhere to go and fellowship and worship God with other people. But I don't think anyone should ever be turned away from a church no matter what they've done. People that are lost will never even consider church because a lot of them have become judgmental and make them feel even worse. My own sister doesn't even feel welcome at our own church because when she became pregnant people asked to pray for her. And when they prayed, they didn't talk about how she was loved and forgiven for the things she has done, but they used words like "mistake" constantly and prayed that God would forgive her of her sins. While that may seem like a good prayer from a believers standpoint, it makes people that already feel unwelcome feel it even more.
People have come to the mindset that church is for people that are already saved, and that people with sins aren't welcome. Church goers might ask God for forgiveness for things they have done themselves, but not even be willing to forgive other people for things that have offended them. I want to change that. I want to make a difference. I want people to think of church as a place of grace, and not a place of judgment. I want sinners, not matter who they are: murderers, alcoholics, prostitutes, drug abusers, etc. to know that they are welcome. I want them to know that they can go to a church and find grace. To find love. And to find peace.

C.S. Lewis said that the only thing unique about Christianity from other religions is grace. No other religion has unlimited grace. Why don't we use this? Why is it often ignored? Shouldn't the biggest strength be used the most? Nothing can show love more than grace. Nothing. I challenge you to find something that does. Nothing you can buy...nothing you can say....nothing you can do can make a person feel more loved than someone saying, "I forgive you, and I will always love you no matter what you do." It's time to make a change.


Then came Peter to him, and said, "Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?"

Jesus saith unto him, "I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

-Matthew 18:21-22

Finals!!! WOOOO!!! YEA!!!

It's finals week. Which means long boring nights of studying and drinking a lot of coffee. I think I've become immune. I can drink 4 cups of coffee and go to sleep. So I'm taking a break from learning about the planets to write some stuff down.

With finals, also comes the end of another year of school. My third year of college is coming to a close, and it makes me think about how fast things are going by. It's weird thinking that in 2 years, I'll be done with school, never to have to worry about writing papers, or studying again. After 17 years of school I will have done my time. Everyone always says, "Enjoy college because after that comes real life." Yea, well I'm not planning on having a so called "real life". My life won't be an 8-5 where I have some manager tell me what to do all day. My life won't be sitting there day after day hating what I'm doing. I'm going to follow my dreams. I refuse to have a job other than playing music. Parents are always telling me how hard it is to make it in that type of field. But I say nay parents. It's not that hard if you try hard enough. Approximately 100 bands get signed each year. Those are good odds in my opinion. Especially seeing how I got about 30 years left before I have a heart attack from not eating healthy. If my calculations are correct, thats about 3000 bands that will get signed. And also seeing how we're actually good, I'll take my chances. Even though a lot of those are small indie labels, I don't care. If I'm making enough money to get by and doing what I love I could care less. If my job is getting up on stage and playing then I'll live off two pairs of clothes. I'll live in a house with 4 other guys. I'll take not having a big T.V. or a nice car. Those things don't matter to me. And I don't know why they do for anyone. For starters, what's the point in having a Lexus if you aren't happy? You'll eventually get tired of it. Then what? Buy another one and continue hating the fact that you're life is bland?

Disclaimer real quick: Not saying that all "normal" jobs are bad. My dreams differ from those of most and this is my opinion. If you're reading this and getting pissed because I'm describing you, ask yourself if you're happy. If the answer is yes, then I'm not talking about you.

Moving on...basically the last thing I want to do is be old and regretful. Even if this fails and I'm stuck without a job, I'll still be happy that I took the chance. But when it doesn't fail and I'm living out my dreams and making millions in the music industry...I will remember those who told me I wouldn't make it. I'll remember the ones who discouraged me. But I won't come back and slam them. That's not me. Hopefully I will be an encouragement for other people to follow their own dreams. Maybe even the ones who are discouraging me now. Because landing your dream job, or doing something you've always wanted to do isn't about luck. It's about persevering. Pushing through the hard times. Continuously asking yourself how bad you want it. And with that being said, I'll also remember the people who encouraged me. The people that had faith and told me I could make it. They will be rewarded.

I went off topic a little bit. That's what I normally do though. I just type as I think and my thoughts are very random. I guess my main point, or thesis if you will, is to never discourage other people from doing what they want. Don't tell people they won't make it. Don't tell people it's to hard. Because sometimes, they listen. I'm lucky I didn't.

Integrity needs a comeback

I was at Wal Mart at about 1 in the morning waiting in the only line open to buy some things. The line is backed up forever and there's an old asian lady working the register. Just as the guy in front of me was leaving he looks at his reciept then comes back and tells her that she didn't charge him for a pair of pants he bought. The thing is, he could have easily gotten away with it. The line was long, and the woman was about to start scanning my items. Plus, Wal-Mart is not losing any money for a pair of $20 jeans, when they make millions upon millions of dollars. But it's the principle that I'm trying to convey. When I saw that, I remembered that once upon a time, I was that guy. I would tell people when they gave me too much change, or forgot to charge me something. What happened? To be honest, I probably wouldn't have done that.

The world needs more people like this guy. People that will be honest, even when it comes to something as small as that. I myself have fallen into the state where if someone makes a mistake in my favor, it's their fault, my gain. This reminded me of when I was about to start college. Yet again, I was at Wal-Mart, in Florence this time, and I made some purchases, then went home to Madison. When I got home, I realized that I didn't have my wallet. So I searched for a while and called the store, but no wallet. Then 2 days later, it came in the mail. All the cash, and credit cards intact. There was a note from a woman that said, "I thought you might need this." I couldn't believe that someone went out of their way to help a complete stranger. I had about 70 dollars in cash, and numerous debit and credit cards. She could have picked up the wallet, taken the cash and no one would have ever found out. But she had enough integrity to go to the post office and pay to have it shipped back to me. This amazes me.

Going out of the way to help someone correct a small mistake goes a long way. I'll remember these things for the rest of my life, and try to be more like these people. If a mistake is made, and I could gain from it, someone else is going to lose. And just because they made a mistake doesn't mean I should take advantage of that. Everyone is human. Everyone makes mistakes. So next time someone does, don't take advantage of it. That's what I learned today.

Stress...who needs it?

I can't sleep anymore. And I don't know why. I'm not really that stressed. Partly because the things that most people stress about (school, money, etc.) don't mean anything to me. But I think that's why I'm stressed. Because they don't. While most people stress out because finals are coming up, I could care less. All I want to do is get a sheet a paper that says "Yay! You graduated!" I'm not even planning on using it. I get stressed out about the long run. Its not an issue of faith at all. I have 100 percent faith that God will direct me and show me where to go. And with that faith, I will be provided everything I need. But the whole getting there part is what stresses me out. The fact that right now...I don't have a definite plan after college. I know I don't plan on getting a real job. And it's not that I'm trying to take the easy way out. I feel that God has a plan for me to minister to people through music. And I've always felt a calling to that. It's not about fame and money for me, it's about sharing God with other people using the talents that I have.

So why am I stressed? That's the million dollar question. I can't pinpoint it. I think about everything going on, and I'm fine. I can sit here and say with confidence that I'm not worried about my life. God has always provided me with everything I need. But then why do I stay awake at night wondering what I'm doing? That ever so small amount of doubt creeps into my head, and while I know I'm fine, there is a constant battle in my brain. The logical part of me is fighting with the spiritual side. The logical part is telling me I won't make it as a musician. That it's to hard. That it's not worth it. The spiritual side is saying, it might be hard getting there, but with God...everything is possible. And that is what I choose to believe.

So my prayer tonight is for peace. And that even though I don't understand how everything works, I will understand that someone bigger is in control.