I'm not convinced that true love exists. I want to believe it. But I've only felt it briefly, and even then I'm still not sure what it was. The reason I fail to convince myself can be blamed on movies. The kind of movie where someone travels across the country to say they are sorry. To get their love back, for whatever reason. The kind of movie where that person is the only person you can think about and it either ruins your day or makes it based on the situation. Where you are only thinking about them and they are only thinking about you. I want that. But, since I don't believe I have ever felt it, I don't believe it exists. Love, after all, is intangible. A man-made word to describe a feeling that cannot be described with the exception of said word. What is love? There are definitions, of course, but none come close to my own description, cannot be put into words.

I don't completely negate the fact that this feeling exists. I have felt love between family. I would lose everything I had to help my brother through anything. I would give up myself for a chance to better his life. I would drive hours away to pick him up if he was in a jam. Same feeling for my parents who have done more for me than I can ever ask. I can't even thank them because words would not bring any justice. The only way to describe it is love. But can you prove something intangible really exists?

I see people that say they are in love. I do not believe them. Well...most of them. In my pessimistic state, I look at it as settling. I don't want to settle. I've seen people get married so quickly because they say it was love at first sight. Was it? Or were you just lonely? Are you just afraid of ending up alone? This is what we're supposed to do. We've finished college, now we get married before we get too old. I then see these marriages (not all of them) end just years later. How am I supposed to believe in love when the divorce rate is so high? How am I supposed to know that I will feel this one day? What if the people that work out do so because they settle with things and make it work just because it's what you're supposed to do? The biggest question I have...why is my best example of love something scripted, acted out, and filmed? It's not even real, but I feel like it exists in that circumstance more than in my own reality.

Some might see my attitude as pessimism and a lack of faith, but I see it as asking questions. I see it as looking at life with open eyes. That term is always related to happiness and finding things that better yourself. But that's not always the case. I hope I prove myself wrong. I really do. I hope I will love someone to the point where I'll drive 5 hours to watch a movie, then drive back and go to work with no sleep. I hope I find someone that I can stay up all night with watching infomercials and be the happiest I've ever been. Through my eyes now, I won't. But maybe. Just maybe I will. There is a small bit of hope in me. I need Tim Tebow to give me a pep talk.

-mwb

I had a moment last weekend that I don't think is possible to put into words. Challenge accepted. I went camping with one of my best friends and my brother, who is my absolute best friend. Which, by the way, I am so fortunate to have. So we went to this campsite and spent the night talking and hanging out. I turn my cell phone off that night and decide to go at least 24 hours without it. If you know me at all, I can't go 30 minutes without checking twitter or I'm behind. The next day we walked around a lake and went fishing. As the sun was starting to set, we decided to stop at a certain part. As we sat down, all of us looked up and noticed the incredible scene in front of us. We were overlooking this lake as the sun was setting. On the other side was a hill covered in trees, the leaves all different colors. One of us said, "Dude...look at that." And not another word was said. We just stared. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Not just because of the scenery, but because of the situation. When you are far enough away from civilization, the busy world that surrounds you no longer matters. Only the exact moment you are living. And that moment was pure bliss. The world did not exist outside of the scene in front of me. I'm just sitting there with two of my favorite people in the world enjoying this. We didn't even speak. There was no need to. Nothing could be said to make that moment any better.

That's something that will stick with me the rest of my life. What someone said on Twitter a week ago has left my mind for good. Yet, the experience I just wrote about was so much simpler. This scene (provided the lake was not man made, I actually have no idea) was there long before I was even born. It's there every day. I've let technology completely spoil me of the things that are truly beautiful. What's sad is I will probably continue to do so.

I'm not really sure what the point of this particular post is other than to share the experience. And if you take anything out of it, take this. Next time you get the chance to experience the world as it is without technology...do it. It's even better if you can share it with the people closest to you. But in that moment, however short it might be...you have no worries. You don't have to go to work the next day. You don't have to pay bills. You don't have any appointments. You don't have any grudges or hate. You just live. You enjoy. You breathe easier. And somehow, you become closer to the people you are with without even saying a word. I'm enclosing a picture I shot the next day (after my technology break was over) but I'm afraid it doesn't quite do it justice. Just imagine yourself in the scene I painted for you with this visual aid.

Cheers
-mwb