Have you ever noticed how we have to be constantly occupied or multi-tasking at all times? it's odd, really. We can't just drive. We have to be listening to music, talking on the phone, and drinking a soda too. If we have 5 minutes of nothing to do, we text a friend, tweet, or bust out an app or else it seems unbearable. You get popcorn at a movie when you're full just to have something to do. How many windows do you have open on your computer? How many tabs are open? Is your phone in your lap? Are you listening to music? Are you eating? Are you doing homework? Are you on Facebook? Think about it. The 5 minute process of taking a crap has to be combined with reading the paper, a book, a magazine, or doing a crossword puzzle. Why? Why can't we just take a break? I used to be really good at finding time for myself, but not lately. i'm definitely guilty of all of the above things mentioned. This made me realize that although i'm busy, i'm not at all. I have so much time that i waste by trying to fill it with nonsense. Use the idle time you have. Reflect. Think. Pray. Enjoy life. Think about this the next few days. you'll sleep better and feel better

After watching Forrest Gump. Again. For who knows what time. I've decided on another addition my personal bucket list. i'm going to run the length of Alabama. Maybe from the mississippi river to the coast. Some day. I really want to do it. Along with take a motorcycle ride across the U.S. I say that now. But doing it is a completely different story. This means...time to name names. That Whitney Russell and Bethany Oliver are going to have to get me to do it. Calling you out. So you can call me out later. After i graduate and have some time off...make me do it. Because this is something i'm feeling that makes absolutely no sense. So later, i might not want to, even though i do. Also, i'm tearing up a bit watching the end of this movie. Even though i've seen it way too many times. So good. Ok. i'm done.

Really don't have a lot to say. Just felt the need to say something. let's see what happens. My semi freak-out has lessened. i'm starting to realize that while i might have to grow up and become completely independent from my parents, though i almost have been for a few years, i still don't have to grow up. By grow up, i mean start taking life seriously. I can still laugh at farts. I can still laugh when i meet a guy with the last name Buttram. I can still have a few drinks with friends. Taking life too seriously is what ruins people. What i mean by that, is having to have everything planned out. Knowing what each and every step is. Making sure that everything is done exactly right. Without taking time to enjoy any of it. Just getting from A to B. That's not me. It will never be me. I want to be 35 and spend a few years living on an air mattress. I want to live on the pacific coast for a winter. I just want to live. I want to do whatever i feel like doing. Whenever i feel like doing it. All the while, enjoying every second of it and every particle of God's creation. Marveling over the waves crashing in the sunset in Oregon, the leaves changing color in Boston, the infinite amount of stars in the sky, and the wisdom of my friends. That, to me...is what life is about.

So soon will i be in that part of the book where i am holding the bulk of the pages in my left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in my right. I will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the author is wrapping things up. I begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace myself slowly toward its closure. Knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful. Of the end of something long and earned. And i hope the thing closes out like last breaths. Like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love. And how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

Averting a quarter life crisis with the help of incredible friends, great family, wonderful books, and a graceful and loving God. Thank you for being a part of my story. Thank you for putting up with the side of me that only you who read this deal with, or even know about. i'm really not an emotional weenie. This is just the only place i go to let it out.

God bless.

Exploring the Infinate Abyss

Wow. Life is busy lately. I haven't even watched Garden State this month. I'm either working at FAME, going to school, delivering pizzas, or mixing. Alone time is very rare. Also, blogs have been lacking. So here we go. I've been in college for about 5 years now. I rarely get the chance to go back and visit the family. And I've never had much of a problem with that. Until right now. And I have no idea why. I'm homesick. Even though I don't call Madison home anymore. It might have a lot to do with the fact that within a 5 year period, Toph went from an enemy to a best friend. He then moved out here to go to school, but decided things would be better off if he were at home. The truth is...I miss him. Terribly. I'm not normally one to do that. I don't really know how to deal with it because I don't often feel this emotion. But hey...at least I'm starting to feel again. Even if it is pain.

I think my main problem is that I hate change. Also, I hate the fact that I hate change. It's a paradox of sorts, I know. But I can't change it. Which brings me to my main point. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do after I graduate in May. Honestly...I have no clue. But I keep saying I'm going to get the hell out of here. I'll say that to everyone that asks, but inside I'm scared to death. I don't like meeting new people. I don't like being unfamiliar with my surroundings. I don't want to move. But I have to. For my own good. I feel that if I move somewhere other than Alabama, I can get a completely new perspective on life. I'll be forced to participate. I'll be forced to make new friends. Mainly...I'll be forced to live. I'm not living right now. I'm going through the motions. Getting from A to B just to go from B to C. If I live my entire life like that, I feel like it would be a complete waste. I want to go from point A to infinity. I want endless possibilities. I want to wake up every day knowing that I am in control of my destiny and that my destiny can be of my choosing. I want to feel infinite.

That being said, I'm going to move. Hopefully far away. Maybe Portland. Maybe Seattle. Maybe Chicago. Maybe just Nashville. But I'm moving. I'm dropping my life. Starting something new. But I need support. I need people to tell me it's going to be ok. I need reassurance. Because I can't do this on my own. Even though that's the whole point. Irregardless (joke...I'm aware this is a nonstandard) I know I'll never be alone. But it still scares the hell out of me.

I'll end with a quote from one of my favorite songs.

“It might be a quarter life crisis or just the stirring in my soul. Either way, I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdict-less life. Am I living it right?”

Who Dat!

Black and gold superbowl is tomorrow! Who dat...who dat...who dat say gonna beat dem Saints?!?! That's all I got. Let's do it.

Short and quick post before i go to bed. i've realized recently that i've been treating my negative emotions wrong my entire life. And the only time i can finally be happy or feel good again happens by accident. i've done one of two things. Either buried them away or let them take control of me. When put into words like that...you have to wonder why i didn't go with c or d. Or maybe not enough information. Or none of the above. that's just the way i naturally reacted. i've recently found a better way. Personally at least. i've found out how to embrace these things. Just like a songwriter does when he pours out his heart into a song. Instead of shutting them out, or dwelling on them, i welcome them. Whether it be writing a song of my own, agreeing with another song, or just simply using them to grow. Realizing that crap will never stop. I will never be completely happy until i leave earth. So why battle with myself? Especially when it comes to something that wouldn't matter in 10 years. unless...i thrive off of it. Hah. I always sound so depressed in these posts. i'm really not at all. I just think too much for my own good sometimes. So i have to put the thoughts somewhere else in order for me to do anything productive. Sing me to sleep, Aaron Marsh.