Alexithymia and Asthenia

Worn out. I've never worked so much in my life. This is when I'm at my best in the blog world. It's 4am. I have no idea what I want to talk about. I'm kind of tired. Either something interesting will come out, or it will be total crap and I'll have to apologize for wasting your time. I had Tourway tonight. I'm surprised I'm still alive. Here goes something.

I'm always the type of guy who tries to find all these philosophies to live my life by. I like to read, I like to debate, I like to be informed. That's why you'll constantly see new blogs about this life changing bit of knowledge that I'll get from some book, or some guy, or just a random thought. Still. I think think my favorite bit of wisdom came from Garden State. When Andrew wished Albert good luck in exploring his infinite abyss. Albert, in turn, wished the same thing to Andrew. I might have blogged about this before. If I have, my apologies go out to you. Negating the fact that I could die at any moment now, my life is an infinite abyss. I think a lot of people fail to realize that. Our lives are similar to that natural underground cave in which no one knows anything about. The possibilities are endless. Confession: my number one greatest fear in life. Are you ready? Here it comes. My greatest fear is that I will not explore the endless possibilities of what I can do. I don't want to be able to finish a bucket list. I always want to have ambition. That's what I'll strive to do. I don't want to ask why when a challenge or change comes my way. I want to ask why not.

Part two of this post. Which relates to the first word of the title. The second one is just a cool word and describes how I've felt for a while. No need to talk about that one. I've done that plenty. I realized the other day that it was kind of funny that this is really the only place I feel free to express my emotions and feelings. To the entire world. Whoever chooses to read it. Meanwhile, I feel weird talking about it in a one on one with a friend. I find that quite odd. I have a book started right now that tells things that not a single person in my life knows about. Why is it that I feel more comfortable telling the world something than a best friend? If you're waiting for an answer, I don't have one. It's like a keyboard or a pen can really let my emotions out. Maybe it's just because I'm really bad at thinking before I speak and have a constant fear of saying the wrong thing. But with this, I can delete. Though I don't normally edit or delete any of these, or even read them before I post. That's why you'll find sentence fragments and ADD sections. And stuff never flows together. But you still come back and read it. Weirdo. I'll leave you with a favorite quote of mine. It's from a song. It's up to you to guess where it's from.

There's a lot more to living than being alive.