Fold the pages

I've been thinking a lot about how I want my story to turn out. Partly because Donald Miller is having a contest to come see a seminar in Portland. Where I've always wanted to go. But I'm too poor to register and do all of that and I don't want to take up the space of people that have the money. Regardless, I think I'll write about it. If you haven't caught it from previous posts or read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald uses a story as a metaphor for life. Basically...what would your life be if it were a story? And if you could write it the way you wanted, what would you write? The truth is, we are all constantly writing our own stories. We ultimately choose what happens to us and what actions we will take when things come our way. This provoked some thought in me, especially when I see others just letting their life happen. When their story is over, people would read it and say, "Wow...that was incredible boring" or "I don't see the point." I don't want that to be mine.

I see people all the time on twitter, facebook, blogs, or in person, that will say, "I've closed blah blah chapter in my life." Some of them say it as though they will never look back. Like once they move on, they're done with that part of their life. When I think about that, I just think of how sad it is. That we're in such a hurry to get to the next step, we just move on to a new chapter. When I read a book, I fold the pages. Or dog-ear them, if you will. I would need way too many bookmarks. I highlight things. I write them down. Not all of it is good. I highlight tragedy. I highlight mistakes. I highlight the low points. I also highlight the good parts. The happy, the funny, the uplifting. Because all of it is relevant to the story. I think that's how we need to approach life. There's always a time to move on, but never a time where we should stop looking back. Not looking back in a sense of longing, but a sense of learning. If your goal is just to make it to the next chapter, you will die with no sense of satisfaction. If the end of the book is death, when will you sit back and ponder? When will you enjoy it? Whenever I read a book, I like to think about it. I question things, I question myself, I wonder what the author was thinking. Enjoy your life as it's happening. Go back to those folded pages and highlights to see what you've written so far.

The person you will learn from the most is yourself. Remember your first job? Remember how many things you screwed up regardless of how much they trained you? It's a given that we, as humans, will constantly make mistakes. That's why they have erasers and the delete key. Throughout college, I saw so many people make the same mistakes over and over again. Especially with relationships. They would close the chapter on one, then move on to the next. The problem was, the next one would be the same. Since they already closed that chapter in their life, they didn't think that they were putting themselves through the exact same situation. They didn't have a folded page to turn back to.

Why do we need the sad parts of the story? Why can't we forget those? I think those times are what makes us stronger people. Being able to look back and know that you made it through something tough can really boost you when things aren't so great. Spoiler alert to every story: Something, sometime, somewhere, is going to suck. Maybe worse than something else that's already happened. That is a part of every story. But you make it through. And when you do make it through, you fold the page. You highlight the things that got you through. And next time something else happens, you go back. You figure out how you handled it before. This time, you add more things to highlight. This is not a way of numbing out pain. This is a way of coping with it. The conflict and loss in life is what builds your character. It's what makes you the person that you are.

I want my story to be a best seller. I actually want 10 best sellers. I want a story so big I need a new bookshelf. But every page can't be: Today I woke up. I checked Twitter. Then I checked Facebook. No new wall posts. Time to go watch tv. I want to write something exciting. I want love and loss. I want tragedy and redemption. I want impulse. I want desire. I want everything that makes a story great. But I don't want to live from chapter to chapter. Just trying to make it through to the end. That shortens the life of the book. When you're done, you're done. I want to constantly go back and read what's already written. I want to love every second of it over and over again. I want every page to be folded.