Open your eyes.

Ok. The mini-series is on hold. Partly because I made the mistake of writing 4 of them while I had no internet and was very bored and jobless. I haven't gotten around to it, and for that I apologize. I have something else I want to talk about though. I had one of those experiences tonight in which words will not justify. But I'm going to try. And I'm really upset that computers don't autocorrect contractions like iPhones do. More work for me.

If you know me, you know that I over-analyze everything. And by everything, I mean just that. A light bulb is not just a source of light, it is a bulb that holds filament that electricity runs through and creates light through resistance. I see a car and I see sparks igniting, pistons turning, and a transmission moving the wheels. This also applies to my social life. I'll take one sentence that someone says and break it down to every possible meaning. I boil down the pros and cons of every relationship. I like to figure out how people think. I hate it sometimes because I can't just see a computer and say, "It's a box thingy that lets you get on the internets." One thing I still can't wrap my head around is creation itself. It is a truly beautiful and wonderful thing.

I'll paint the scene. I was driving home from Florence around the Rogersville area and happened to glance up at the sky. After seeing more stars than I ever get the chance to see, I felt the urge to pull over. So I did. Using the hood of my car for warmth, I laid on top and just stared into the abyss. Jimmy Eat World barely audible from the car speakers. To the east, I could see the glow of Huntsville and Decatur and to the west, Florence barely making a light. Straight up was an array of stars that just blew my mind. Naturally I started analyzing things but ended up with nothing, so I did something I never do. I stopped. And just took it all in. Stopped asking questions. Stopped trying to figure things out. Just took 10 minutes out of my life and stared. It was beautiful. All of the things going on in my life, good or bad, didn't exist. I realized that you don't have to go to Portland or New Zealand to see beauty. It exists all around us. Some of the most serene things are in my own backyard or on the side of the road. I'm just always to "busy" to notice it. I put busy in quotes because no matter how busy I am, I still waste time. How much time do I spend checking facebook? Or daydreaming about the day that I have enough money to move away and experience something. Why can't I experience something now? Those 10 minutes I spent staring at the stars gave me more peace than almost anything I have ever felt in my life.

I don't get it. I don't understand why we're so driven to "succeed" that we forget to stop and appreciate creation as it is. Every time I do something like this, I keep telling myself I need to continue. To take time out of the day. But I don't. I just keep worrying about what I'm going to eat later, or how I'm going to pay off all of my debt. That's one thing I can't grasp. How the most serene things are all around me, but I can't ever find them. Because I never look. Open your eyes.