A hypocritical work of staggering genius

This one has the potential to be long. Probably because time after time, I am reminded that I am only a man. Man cannot love like God. Man cannot even fathom the love of God. But I try. And fail. Over and over again. Speaking love on the outside, while hatred and resentment is building on the inside. This is a wake up call for me, because I thought love was something I understood. Something that I had. A reson to believe in myself.
The spark happened at the movies tonight. The people in front of me were talking the entire time, coming and going as they pleased, and obviously snuck in, otherwise they wouldn't have wasted their time and money to chat it up in the movie theater. After asking them to tone it down multiple times, they just spewed back disrespect and selfishness. I don't know exactly what I was feeling, but it was definitely not love. After I calmed down I started to see that God's love towards everyone is not something anyone else on this earth can even come close to. How am I supposed to love people who are disrespectful and hateful? How is it that Jesus loved the very people that hung him on the cross? How is it that God loves everyone on earth no matter what they do?
Let's put it into perspective, shall we? Say someone you know is filled with hate towards you. They mock, disrespect, and use you, while and constantly saying hateful things. Would you immediately forgive them again and again while maintaining your love? My answer will hopefully be yes before I die, but the way my heart is now, I have long to go.

Here is the definition of love according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and where I stand accordingly. A popular verse, yet rarely followed.

1. Love is patient
I lack patience. I was not blessed with the ability to wait on things. I can't even play a game of poker not even involving money without getting mad because someone is taking to long. My lack of patience leads to number 8.

2. Love is kind
Although I make a meger attempt, I am not kind at all times. When being tested, probably not at all. When others are angry towards me, I am angry in return. My lack of kindness leads to number 6.

3. Love does not envy
Jealousy is one of my biggest problems. I don't even know where to start. This correlates with number 10.

4. Love does not boast
While I try to humble myself on the outside, I am a very boastful person. I can't just do something for someone else and not tell anyone. I can't win something and not brag to at least one person. This leads to the next one.

5. Love is not proud
Yet again, I try as hard as I can to humble myself, but I am a very proud person. I do not like to be wrong, and am often times full of myself. This leads to number 7.

6. Love is not rude
I was rude tonight. After asking politely for them to be quiet, I started to become rude. Most of the time I think it's justified. Maybe to our worldly minds it is at times. But not according to love. This goes back to number 2.

7. Love is not self-seeking
I am very egotistical. I will jokingly say things a lot, but sometimes it's not a joke. I have been known to put myself on a pillar and think of me as better than others. This goes back to number 5.

8. Love is not easily angered
My biggest flaw. By far. I am angered over the most inane things. Most of the time, I forget why I was even angered in the first place. This goes back to number 1.

9. Love keeps no record of wrongs
I constantly keep records of my friends wrongdoings to justify my actions. I feel that if they are doing something worse than me, I am not wrong. This goes back to number 4 because I will often boast of having less wrongs than others (although I clearly do not).

10. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth
I delight myself in evil things all of the time. I seek revenge, and do everything I just said above.

11. Love always protects
I protect myself and my own reputation before others. Sometimes this relates to number 10.

12. Love always trusts
The only person I trust is my brother. I have been broken by others so many times that I simply cannot trust anyone. Correlates with 13.

13. Love always hopes
I am not a hopeful person. The glass is half empty. I don't have confidence. Correlates with 12.

14. Love always preserves
I have to get everything above right before this is even a possibility.


As you can see, it's hard to work on just one flaw. They all have some sort of correlation with another. The only one with true love is God. This is merely a guide to show us how we should be. God does not expect us to be perfect. Otherwise Jesus would not have died for our sins because the perfect one's could still make it into heaven. But by the grace of God we are saved and loved even though we fall short.
When I take the time to find my shortcomings, I realize that I am a long way off. You cannot teach love. You cannot learn how to love. You have to realize God's love before you can even start.
Take the time to assess your own flaws in love. Is your love patient, kind, protecting, trusting, hopeful and preserving or is it envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, easily angered, and delighting in evil?