What if I decided to die?

I'm finishing up an absolutely great book right now called Veronika Decides To Die. To sum up the basics of this book, this girl, Veronika, decides that like has become to mundane. She isn't depressed or anything and is actually very content with her life. The problem is, she feels like she's hit her peak. She doesn't want to get older and live the same routine day after day. So to kill herself, she decides to down 4 bottles of sleep medicine. It doesn't quite work, and she ends up in an insane asylum where she is told she has one week to live because the meds messed up her heart. While she's there she finds out, "there's more to living than being alive" and slowly starts to regret her decision, against her inner will and thoughts.

Death is such a weird thing, and such a touchy subject, and therefore not talked about very often. But I know every single person alive right now, if not actually thought about committing suicide (I pray you haven't and if you have, I pray you got over that), has thought about what would happen if they did die. Would people care? How many people would be at my funeral? Would it ever be the same? But have you ever thought about what you would do, what you would think about, how your life would be different, if you knew you only had a week to live?

There's been movies made about it. Although I have never watched them, they were probably terrible. They go out and do all these crazy things to try and make up for a lifetime in a week. I wouldn't do that. If I knew I had a week to live, I would start with priority one. God. I would make sure my service was up and there was nothing left for me to do. Priority two. Family. I would go home and see my family. That's about all of it in the physical sense. But emotionally, my mind would be everywhere.

The main thing, I think, that would set me apart from other people, is I wouldn't think of what I missed. I wouldn't think of all the things I haven't experienced yet. I wouldn't think of marriage, kids, sex, having fun, or anything like that. I would think of what I could do to prepare myself for heaven. But it's so weird. How do you even do that? I know that's what I would want to do, but I wouldn't know where to start. So since I would probably fail at that, I would get all of my grudges out of the way. I would call up every person that I ever had feelings of unlove towards and forgive them. I wouldn't want sympathy or apologies. I would just like to get my own slate clean. My biggest fear is dying with feelings of bitterness towards another person. After that, I would probably just enjoy the rest of my time on earth with my family.

Think about what you would do. Go ahead...I'll wait...
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Weird isn't it. Makes you feel like you would have a lot of things to do.

After I thought about my own death and the week prior, I came to the realization that I most likely won't have a week to think about my death. It could be tomorrow, it could be in 60 years. So why should I wait until I know I'm going to die before I make things right with people. Before I get my heart set right. I should be living like I'm going to die in a week all the time because who knows, I could. And what's the point of holding a grudge against someone for your entire life? Why not make things right, and be happy while you still know you have life left? Don't expect to know your time of death. You aren't dead yet. But live like you could be.

It's disappointing, really. I fail at my own logic. Because I gaurantee you that I will not be living like that when I wake up tomorrow. But it sounds so simple. At least I can try. And most likely fail. And then start over the next day. Getting one thing right at a time.

Once again...there's more to living than being alive.