So I had about 394 things I could have done without having to do. And now the majority of that is over. 1,000 storms is done. Class guitar is over. Earth Science lab is over. Drumline stuff is over. And being bored out of my mind because I have no friends is almost over. 4 days of school, then 4 days of finals left. Then it's nothing but practicing, sitting by the pool, and watching movies. Then a little bit of touring. I'm beginning to feel my life taking a positive turn. Which is good. It's been a while. By the way, if you haven't noticed in my previous posts, I like sentence fragments. I realize that you can't start a sentence with "and or but". I just think its a better way of expressing my thoughts.
Which calls for a good reason to go off topic on an ADD tangent. I hate Alabama. Not really hate...I love certain things about it. But I absolutely cannot stand the dialect. I can get around the accents...I guess I've gotten used to them. But I can't stand hearing people use double negatives, saying ain't and combining three words into one. Example: "I ain't never seen nothin likeaterr." Instead of saying, "I've never seen anything like that." Double negatives are a pet peeve of mine. Because people don't realize they're saying the opposite of what they want to. Another pet peeve is when I see people spell their, they're and there wrong. Here's a little bit of grammar 101 for those who forgot. Their is used with possession, such as, "It's their turn." There is used when talking about a place: "It's over there." They're is a contraction. Which stands for they are: "They're coming in a few minutes." Hope that shed some light on that subject. And last but not least, anyways is not a word.
Anyway (there is no S)...I'm still pessimistic a lot of the times, even though I'm striving to get better. Once in a while I'll wake up and just feel good for some reason. I feel like God is about to do something amazing in my life. I hope so. Because otherwise I might go crazy. And that's what's keeping me going. The fact that I know my life has a direction already planned. And things will only get better over time.
28.4.08
25.4.08
Don't take love for granted
I've never been one to give things to people less fortunate than me. I've just always figured there are people out there with more money than me that can do it. For the past 3 years of college, I've looked at myself as someone barely scraping by. So why should I give to people when I can barely make it myself? That's the excuse I used.
I'm through with this "sucks for them" mentality.
It hit me today. I had a free 25 dollar paypal purchase with the credit card points I've earned. And I've spent the last couple of days trying to figure out what to get. A new Playstation controller...an instrument cable...a mic cable...a new pop filter...just browsing for random things. Then I thought about it. These things will eventually break and serve no purpose. I don't necessarily need a new Playstation controller, or a patch cable.
Then I realized that the greatest thing you can buy is priceless. And that's love. Of course you can't actually buy love with money...but I'm speaking figuratively of course. I went to To Write Love On Her Arms website and bought a few shirts and a poster. And even though it's a small contribution at the time, it will help them reach out and show people that they are loved. That they don't have to turn to addiction, or suicide to escape the world they live in.
This isn't to say, "Hey look at me, I'm donating money." It's to remember that there are people out there that are struggling a lot worse than I am. People that turn to addiction to alcohol and drugs and some even suicide because they feel unloved and unwanted. And if I could do anything at all to make just one person feel loved, I will. This is a reminder to give your money to people that are desperately in need of it instead of buying that new $80 pair of jeans that will eventually rip or get old. Love never gets old. One life being changed is worth everything I have.
So this is my pledge. At least once a month, I will pass up buying something I don't need and give it to TWLOHA. Not because I want to feel good for myself, or brag about it. But because I believe that there is someone out there..someone that can be somebody. Someone that's lost and might not have every really experienced love. And I'm willing to make a small sacrifice out of my life, if it brings someone else out of self destruction. I've experienced love. I know what it feels like to have someone care about me. I know that God loves me. But some people don't. Some people have tainted views on love, or never experienced it at all. Some people truly don't know what it feels like to have someone that cares if they live or die. The things that we take for granted.
If you are reading this, I highly encourage you to do the same thing. Go to their website at http://www.TWLOHA.com and read the story. Read how one girls entire life was turned around because one person decided to care. Suicide can be prevented. Addiction can be stopped. Love can be shared. People can be changed. Are you willing to help? Are you willing to stop putting yourself first? Do you really need that new shirt? Do you really need to go out to eat 3 times a week? Think about it.
Tangible things will fade away. But if you can change a life, it will last an eternity.
To Write Love On Her Arms (Website)
MySpace
I'm through with this "sucks for them" mentality.
It hit me today. I had a free 25 dollar paypal purchase with the credit card points I've earned. And I've spent the last couple of days trying to figure out what to get. A new Playstation controller...an instrument cable...a mic cable...a new pop filter...just browsing for random things. Then I thought about it. These things will eventually break and serve no purpose. I don't necessarily need a new Playstation controller, or a patch cable.
Then I realized that the greatest thing you can buy is priceless. And that's love. Of course you can't actually buy love with money...but I'm speaking figuratively of course. I went to To Write Love On Her Arms website and bought a few shirts and a poster. And even though it's a small contribution at the time, it will help them reach out and show people that they are loved. That they don't have to turn to addiction, or suicide to escape the world they live in.
This isn't to say, "Hey look at me, I'm donating money." It's to remember that there are people out there that are struggling a lot worse than I am. People that turn to addiction to alcohol and drugs and some even suicide because they feel unloved and unwanted. And if I could do anything at all to make just one person feel loved, I will. This is a reminder to give your money to people that are desperately in need of it instead of buying that new $80 pair of jeans that will eventually rip or get old. Love never gets old. One life being changed is worth everything I have.
So this is my pledge. At least once a month, I will pass up buying something I don't need and give it to TWLOHA. Not because I want to feel good for myself, or brag about it. But because I believe that there is someone out there..someone that can be somebody. Someone that's lost and might not have every really experienced love. And I'm willing to make a small sacrifice out of my life, if it brings someone else out of self destruction. I've experienced love. I know what it feels like to have someone care about me. I know that God loves me. But some people don't. Some people have tainted views on love, or never experienced it at all. Some people truly don't know what it feels like to have someone that cares if they live or die. The things that we take for granted.
If you are reading this, I highly encourage you to do the same thing. Go to their website at http://www.TWLOHA.com and read the story. Read how one girls entire life was turned around because one person decided to care. Suicide can be prevented. Addiction can be stopped. Love can be shared. People can be changed. Are you willing to help? Are you willing to stop putting yourself first? Do you really need that new shirt? Do you really need to go out to eat 3 times a week? Think about it.
Tangible things will fade away. But if you can change a life, it will last an eternity.
To Write Love On Her Arms (Website)
MySpace
23.4.08
Annoying...
Yea so apparently I decided to make a password that I would forget. So I spent 20 minutes trying to remember it, then just decided to reset it. So now I have a password that I'll probably forget again. Now I forgot what I was going to say. I hate getting sidetracked
22.4.08
Words can't always express feelings
There are so many thoughts and words going through my head right now, but I can't even think of the right things to say. Scott sent us his final goodbye from DGN tonight. And i can't even think of the right words to express my emotions. It's like all my dreams have been crushed, even though they are still there in a sense.
But then part of me is saying that this is good. That it's going to open up new doors. And I believe that, but I don't want to. I catch myself trying to force things to happen the way I want. And when I don't get what I want, I automatically think it's wrong. That's a bad habit I need to quickly delete.
I wish I could write more. Because I still don't feel like I've covered everything. But I just can't think of a way to put it in writing. Maybe I will tomorrow.
But then part of me is saying that this is good. That it's going to open up new doors. And I believe that, but I don't want to. I catch myself trying to force things to happen the way I want. And when I don't get what I want, I automatically think it's wrong. That's a bad habit I need to quickly delete.
I wish I could write more. Because I still don't feel like I've covered everything. But I just can't think of a way to put it in writing. Maybe I will tomorrow.
20.4.08
My New Surrender
This is the most recent entry in Anberlin's blog about their new CD, New Surrender...
we will all come to the point in our life where we have to admit that we
feel defeated, that something has conquered us.
we must change, not because we want to, but because we desperately
have to. we can not take life in its current suffocating state, even to
admit such desperation shows that we are feeling deserted,
wandering the barren desert,
it is only up from here, it is impossible to sink any lower into ourselves
or our circumstances.
but we can be salvaged, a deliverance.
no vice can stand, no fix can take.
the thorn in the side can be removed,
but you have to be willing to admit and surrender.
surrender your habits,
your lifestyle,
your past,
your present,
and your future.
this is your new surrender.
the new surrender.
Ironic how the band that has the most influence on me is making a CD that is basically telling the story of me the past 2 years. It makes me realize that I go through these things along with everyone else. The problem is, I can't surrender my life. I can't do it. I've tried so many things. I've tried to give up the things of the world that I don't need. I just don't have the will power to do it. I work harder at that every day, but I always fall back down.
And one reason it's hard is because the one person that has the most influence on my faith lives 3 hours away. I'm surrounded by hypocrisy and sin. And I'm not slamming on any of my friends by any means. Every person has free will and the right to believe in whatever they choose. But a lot of the time, I feel like I'm alone. I feel like when I slip up or fall down, I have no one to catch me. But then I'll catch myself blaming it on that, and excusing my actions because of reasons outside of my control. But that's part of the struggle. With Christians ever rapidly growing towards the minority, the struggle is harder than it ever was. Especially when I see people that seem to be so full of God judge others, sin, and get caught up in all the things I do.
Basically, I feel like I'm losing the connection that I once had with God. I feel like I'm putting God out of the way to do things I shouldn't be doing. And I can't honestly ask for forgiveness for my sins because in my mind, I know I'm going to purposely do it again. I'm not making mistakes anymore. I'm blatantly denying God. I can sit here and make excuses for it all night. I have plenty. I make myself feel better for my actions with excuses. "Well, at least I'm doing better than he is." Or how about, "I'll just ask for forgiveness later." Or my favorite one of all, "I'll get my life together someday." But the brunt of it is, I just don't have the love and fear that I once had for God in my heart. I'm broken, and defeated.
It makes me realize that I'll be fighting until the end. It makes me realize that everyone goes through the same things. Temptation will always be there. I just need to make the step to start overcoming it. Every battle won is another step closer to the end of the war. And this is the one war that I refuse to lose. Because I will surrender my life, but I will never surrender my faith. I will never stop
My prayer tonight is that I will gain the wisdom to know how to fight temptation, not on my own anymore, but with the help of God, and that I will stop making these excuses to sin.
we will all come to the point in our life where we have to admit that we
feel defeated, that something has conquered us.
we must change, not because we want to, but because we desperately
have to. we can not take life in its current suffocating state, even to
admit such desperation shows that we are feeling deserted,
wandering the barren desert,
it is only up from here, it is impossible to sink any lower into ourselves
or our circumstances.
but we can be salvaged, a deliverance.
no vice can stand, no fix can take.
the thorn in the side can be removed,
but you have to be willing to admit and surrender.
surrender your habits,
your lifestyle,
your past,
your present,
and your future.
this is your new surrender.
the new surrender.
Ironic how the band that has the most influence on me is making a CD that is basically telling the story of me the past 2 years. It makes me realize that I go through these things along with everyone else. The problem is, I can't surrender my life. I can't do it. I've tried so many things. I've tried to give up the things of the world that I don't need. I just don't have the will power to do it. I work harder at that every day, but I always fall back down.
And one reason it's hard is because the one person that has the most influence on my faith lives 3 hours away. I'm surrounded by hypocrisy and sin. And I'm not slamming on any of my friends by any means. Every person has free will and the right to believe in whatever they choose. But a lot of the time, I feel like I'm alone. I feel like when I slip up or fall down, I have no one to catch me. But then I'll catch myself blaming it on that, and excusing my actions because of reasons outside of my control. But that's part of the struggle. With Christians ever rapidly growing towards the minority, the struggle is harder than it ever was. Especially when I see people that seem to be so full of God judge others, sin, and get caught up in all the things I do.
Basically, I feel like I'm losing the connection that I once had with God. I feel like I'm putting God out of the way to do things I shouldn't be doing. And I can't honestly ask for forgiveness for my sins because in my mind, I know I'm going to purposely do it again. I'm not making mistakes anymore. I'm blatantly denying God. I can sit here and make excuses for it all night. I have plenty. I make myself feel better for my actions with excuses. "Well, at least I'm doing better than he is." Or how about, "I'll just ask for forgiveness later." Or my favorite one of all, "I'll get my life together someday." But the brunt of it is, I just don't have the love and fear that I once had for God in my heart. I'm broken, and defeated.
It makes me realize that I'll be fighting until the end. It makes me realize that everyone goes through the same things. Temptation will always be there. I just need to make the step to start overcoming it. Every battle won is another step closer to the end of the war. And this is the one war that I refuse to lose. Because I will surrender my life, but I will never surrender my faith. I will never stop
My prayer tonight is that I will gain the wisdom to know how to fight temptation, not on my own anymore, but with the help of God, and that I will stop making these excuses to sin.
18.4.08
Mixing...
Mixing gets very boring when you do it for a while. Listening to the same song over and over and over again. Correcting every little thing that's wrong. That's what I've been doing for the past 2 days. Besides work and school, that's about it. Today I took a break though and went over to the guys house for a cookout. We had hamburgers and they were exquisite. This about sums up the past 2 days:
School...mixing....work...mixing...sleep...school...mixing...school...mixing...hamburgers...mixing. I haven't had time to think about life enough to remember or write down. Maybe tomorrow. Time to sleep.
School...mixing....work...mixing...sleep...school...mixing...school...mixing...hamburgers...mixing. I haven't had time to think about life enough to remember or write down. Maybe tomorrow. Time to sleep.
15.4.08
Change is good...right?
I've always heard that change brings new, better things into your life. While I believe that, I have a substantially hard time doing so. I put life on pause today to sit on my roof and think about things. I thought about how I'm always just waiting for something to come in the future that's better than what I have at the time. But when I think back on my life, I've never had it bad. I miss when a typical day was to come home from school and hang out with friends. Basically just doing nothing. But then when mom asks me to set the table, I get mad and wish I could be out on my own. Well now I am. And yea, I'm happy and its good and all...but I would set the table and take out the trash out all the time to have that life again for just one day. I've started to realize that I take for granted the life that I have. Back then I didn't see it. I still don't.
Change is good, yes. But I've spent my whole life waiting for something to change, that I haven't ever been contempt with the things I have. Are things better for me now? Maybe. Am I happier than I was 5 years ago? I don't think I am. Because I'm still caught up in wanting something better.
And now that my best friend, who I've known almost my entire life, has left the band, I don't even know. I don't even know what to think. I just keep remembering when it wasn't this hard. When all of my friends lived within walking distance. Now they are all hours away and I see them once every few months. That's why I hate change. And I get so caught up in insignificant things, I forget the significant ones. I forget about the fact that after college, I might not talk to a lot of people that I've become friends with over the years. I don't want that at all. But it seems inevitable. I can count my friends on my fingers. I'm not complaining about that because I love the friends I have now. What sucks is that the number will just keep decreasing as I get older. Just because of the fact that people grow up and move away making it harder to keep in touch.
So my prayer tonight is that I will stop trying to force changes in my life. And that I can enjoy what I have before it's gone. Because obviously...I can't turn back time.
Change is good, yes. But I've spent my whole life waiting for something to change, that I haven't ever been contempt with the things I have. Are things better for me now? Maybe. Am I happier than I was 5 years ago? I don't think I am. Because I'm still caught up in wanting something better.
And now that my best friend, who I've known almost my entire life, has left the band, I don't even know. I don't even know what to think. I just keep remembering when it wasn't this hard. When all of my friends lived within walking distance. Now they are all hours away and I see them once every few months. That's why I hate change. And I get so caught up in insignificant things, I forget the significant ones. I forget about the fact that after college, I might not talk to a lot of people that I've become friends with over the years. I don't want that at all. But it seems inevitable. I can count my friends on my fingers. I'm not complaining about that because I love the friends I have now. What sucks is that the number will just keep decreasing as I get older. Just because of the fact that people grow up and move away making it harder to keep in touch.
So my prayer tonight is that I will stop trying to force changes in my life. And that I can enjoy what I have before it's gone. Because obviously...I can't turn back time.
14.4.08
I hate regrets more than apologies
So I've been studying for an Earth Science test I have tomorrow for roughly around 3 hours. With roughly around 3 more to go. So I'm taking a break to write down my inner torment. I also have a fundamentals of music test tomorrow, but I think I'm good on that one.
The show last night was ok...it was weird. It was the first show we've ever played in a bar setting. Where you are there to play for people who aren't particularly there to see you...we just happened to be at the bar they were at. It was boring. But we sounded really good I think. Probably because I barely moved because I felt dumb. Then we left and tried to get back in later to watch another band and the guy at the door said we had to be 21. Even though I just played there. And made them some money. I was slightly peeved at that. Not going back there.
Scott isn't very into this touring thing we are planning on doing. I feel like him and the band are trying to do the same thing...just with two different careers. Our mindset is we want to jump start the popularity of us by going on tour, therefore when we get out of college, people will know us and we will have a fanbase...even if its not huge, its better than nothing. Scott on the other hand wants to jump start his career by working over the summer and getting experience. I'm not coming down on him or blaming him for doing it at all. I'm happy for him that he knows what he wants to do with his life and he's going for it. It just sucks that someone you've been friends with your entire life doesn't want the same life as you anymore. I always thought DGN would be Chris, Scott, and I. We've added 2 other people, but still kept the original members. It just wouldn't feel right playing without Scott. I don't want to do it. But its getting to about that time where he has to take that step and commit because we're about to take off. But its his decision, and while it sucks, I'm not mad. We've just had two different ideas about what the band meant to us, and just tried to work around it until now. I just don't think Scott believes we can make it. And that's what sucks. His career is no-risk. He'll easily get a job right out of college and be making a really good salary. That's his idea of a good life. I have no problem with that. But from my point of view, we have the chance to be huge. We have the chance to be famous, have plenty of money, never have to sit behind a desk, and pretty much play a show once a night and do whatever we want. Even if it takes a while to get there I'd rather be scraping by, sleeping in a van, eating gas station food, and doing what I love. But if Scott is truly doing what he loves, I support him, and I'm fine with his decision. But me on the other hand...I refuse to have a sub par job. I will never wake up and be mad that I have to go to work. I'll never have "just another boring day at the office". And I will never be sick of what I'm doing. Because I would rather be poor and loving every minute of my life, than rich and regretting the fact that I didn't take a shot at something. That I didn't follow my dreams. I hate regrets. More than almost anything else in the world...besides traffic.
And this is the one part of my journal that I hope people read. Never...ever give up on your dreams. Never let someone tell you that you aren't good enough. And never let yourself get caught thinking about what could have been. God has given everyone a gift for a reason. He has set in our hearts a desire and a love for something on purpose. Dreams aren't made to throw away. Their made for you to go after and get. And even though it's not always easy, you have to go for it if you really want something. The only way you can catch your dreams is if you go for it. You commit and put in the time to do it. You won't wake up one morning and have your dreams all come true. You have to go get them. And what I believe most people do is give up on their dreams and find something else that works for them. It works, and its not a bad life, but it isn't the one they've dreamed about their whole life. That is depressing to me. I don't believe that people get lucky. I believe that everyone is where they are because of choices they've made. To either follow their dreams or give up. I will never give up.
I'd rather spend my whole life chasing after something I love, than spend it wishing I had.
The show last night was ok...it was weird. It was the first show we've ever played in a bar setting. Where you are there to play for people who aren't particularly there to see you...we just happened to be at the bar they were at. It was boring. But we sounded really good I think. Probably because I barely moved because I felt dumb. Then we left and tried to get back in later to watch another band and the guy at the door said we had to be 21. Even though I just played there. And made them some money. I was slightly peeved at that. Not going back there.
Scott isn't very into this touring thing we are planning on doing. I feel like him and the band are trying to do the same thing...just with two different careers. Our mindset is we want to jump start the popularity of us by going on tour, therefore when we get out of college, people will know us and we will have a fanbase...even if its not huge, its better than nothing. Scott on the other hand wants to jump start his career by working over the summer and getting experience. I'm not coming down on him or blaming him for doing it at all. I'm happy for him that he knows what he wants to do with his life and he's going for it. It just sucks that someone you've been friends with your entire life doesn't want the same life as you anymore. I always thought DGN would be Chris, Scott, and I. We've added 2 other people, but still kept the original members. It just wouldn't feel right playing without Scott. I don't want to do it. But its getting to about that time where he has to take that step and commit because we're about to take off. But its his decision, and while it sucks, I'm not mad. We've just had two different ideas about what the band meant to us, and just tried to work around it until now. I just don't think Scott believes we can make it. And that's what sucks. His career is no-risk. He'll easily get a job right out of college and be making a really good salary. That's his idea of a good life. I have no problem with that. But from my point of view, we have the chance to be huge. We have the chance to be famous, have plenty of money, never have to sit behind a desk, and pretty much play a show once a night and do whatever we want. Even if it takes a while to get there I'd rather be scraping by, sleeping in a van, eating gas station food, and doing what I love. But if Scott is truly doing what he loves, I support him, and I'm fine with his decision. But me on the other hand...I refuse to have a sub par job. I will never wake up and be mad that I have to go to work. I'll never have "just another boring day at the office". And I will never be sick of what I'm doing. Because I would rather be poor and loving every minute of my life, than rich and regretting the fact that I didn't take a shot at something. That I didn't follow my dreams. I hate regrets. More than almost anything else in the world...besides traffic.
And this is the one part of my journal that I hope people read. Never...ever give up on your dreams. Never let someone tell you that you aren't good enough. And never let yourself get caught thinking about what could have been. God has given everyone a gift for a reason. He has set in our hearts a desire and a love for something on purpose. Dreams aren't made to throw away. Their made for you to go after and get. And even though it's not always easy, you have to go for it if you really want something. The only way you can catch your dreams is if you go for it. You commit and put in the time to do it. You won't wake up one morning and have your dreams all come true. You have to go get them. And what I believe most people do is give up on their dreams and find something else that works for them. It works, and its not a bad life, but it isn't the one they've dreamed about their whole life. That is depressing to me. I don't believe that people get lucky. I believe that everyone is where they are because of choices they've made. To either follow their dreams or give up. I will never give up.
I'd rather spend my whole life chasing after something I love, than spend it wishing I had.
12.4.08
Tuscaloosa Bound
I ventured down to Tuscaloosa today with Nate after a long and boring day of classes. I somehow fit my entire studio, computer, guitars, and amps in my car along with Nathaniel. We have a show tomorrow at some bar. It probably won't be very cool. Tuscaloosa scene + bar = most likely lame. It's probably just going to be a bunch of bro's getting drunk and looking to score with some hot chicks while we play as background music. But we aren't the best music to listen to for that. It's good practice though. We're in the process of recording and mixing some stuff, so our new E.P. should be done soon. That's exciting. And I get to see Scott tomorrow.
Other than all that, nothing has changed. I still suck at life and its incredibly boring. But now I must go to sleep so I can be awake to play the show tomorrow. I'll post about how the show went tomorrow.
Other than all that, nothing has changed. I still suck at life and its incredibly boring. But now I must go to sleep so I can be awake to play the show tomorrow. I'll post about how the show went tomorrow.
10.4.08
School is for losers...
I think that if I cared any less about school, I would just go ahead and be a bum. Really...it's costing way to much money, its extremely monotonous, and all for what? A piece of paper that says I went through it? Regardless of the fact that I've been to all these classes, I don't remember a single this from say...my freshmen comp classes. I mean really, am I going to be sitting there recording a band some day and a guy comes in and says "Hey, I need you to write a paper on the advantages and disadvantages of using a large diaphragm condenser and an SM57 for micing a guitar cab. I want it in perfect MLA format with your sources." But if that happens...thank God I've learned.
That's my daily rant. Today was another "ehh...at least I'm alive day". Class, mixing, and sitting around. Oh and I mowed the front yard. I got 3 laps around the back and the belt went out because we have a freakin jungle in the backyard. Went over to Nathaniel's house with Jared and had some chili that tore me up. We watched The Pick of Destiny. I seriously don't think Jack Black is funny at all. Maybe I'll write a song with a stupid melody and as many bad words as I can possibly think of. Then I'll get famous. Now I'm about to go to sleep. I hate sleeping because I feel like I could be getting something done. But then again, I hate waking up...maybe its because I don't sleep. Who needs it?
That's my daily rant. Today was another "ehh...at least I'm alive day". Class, mixing, and sitting around. Oh and I mowed the front yard. I got 3 laps around the back and the belt went out because we have a freakin jungle in the backyard. Went over to Nathaniel's house with Jared and had some chili that tore me up. We watched The Pick of Destiny. I seriously don't think Jack Black is funny at all. Maybe I'll write a song with a stupid melody and as many bad words as I can possibly think of. Then I'll get famous. Now I'm about to go to sleep. I hate sleeping because I feel like I could be getting something done. But then again, I hate waking up...maybe its because I don't sleep. Who needs it?
9.4.08
Another day at the office...
Today was pretty mundane...I wasn't in a bad mood or anything. There just wasn't anything that happened all day that made me upset or happy. Besides the fact that this guy in my recording techniques class tries to sound really smart and talk a lot, but he's just an idiot. Today went as follows...woke up, wen't to my Record Company Operations class, came home, mixed 1,000 Storms, went to my Recording Techniqes class, guy wouldn't shut up, wanted to strangle him, went home, mixed 1,000 storms, went to work, went to Alan's house, went home, wrote all that down.
I think my problem is that I'm waiting for something to happen. I've fallen into this jaded lifestyle where if nothing of significance happens, its a boring day to me. Meanwhile millions of Americans do this every day without even thinking twice about it. I refuse to do that. I will never be satisfied with just making it through life as an average person. I just hope that soon, I'll be done with school, which is pointless I think anyway, and hit the part of life that really matters. The part I can care about. And the part I can change. Until then, I'll continue to bore myself with an apathetic life.
I think my problem is that I'm waiting for something to happen. I've fallen into this jaded lifestyle where if nothing of significance happens, its a boring day to me. Meanwhile millions of Americans do this every day without even thinking twice about it. I refuse to do that. I will never be satisfied with just making it through life as an average person. I just hope that soon, I'll be done with school, which is pointless I think anyway, and hit the part of life that really matters. The part I can care about. And the part I can change. Until then, I'll continue to bore myself with an apathetic life.
8.4.08
My journal has moved...
I've now moved along with technology, way after the fact that blogging has been available for a while. I've decided I'd rather type than write, and this is pretty much guaranteed to stay up and not get lost somewhere, so now everything will be on here. This blog isn't about trying to persuade, politics, or forcing my opinions on anyone. It is strictly for me. If anyone happens to stumble upon it and read it, that is the choice they make. So if you happen to read this, these are my inner thoughts written down, and if you think something's about you, or someone else, don't ask. I won't answer. I'm not writing to please anyone, and frankly, most of this will be horrifically boring unless you enjoy reading about my daily life. The only reason I have it this open to public viewing is: 1.) Because I have nothing in my life that I need to hide and 2.) Because maybe someone will read something and learn something about their own lives, or see that someone else is going through the same thing as them. With that being said...day one of my new blogging adventure.
I've been battling with myself lately. Not on any specific subject. Just life in general. It seems that no matter how hard I try, or whatever I do, I can't seem to enjoy my life the way it's been given to me. I meet someone I care about, it doesn't matter to them if I exist or not. I study for a week straight, I fail a test. I try to manage my money as much as possible, I'm in an exorbitant amount of debt. I'm feeling pressure from everyone about everything, and I can't even get myself together to be the person I want myself to be.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing an emotional pity party. I'm completely content with the life I've been given. I just feel like I could be doing more. It seems like my entire life, I've been working everyone else's problems out for them. I see myself as a pretty decent giver of advice. But my problem is, I can't even take my own. Things that seem so simple for me to tell people to do are arduous for me to do myself. One of my friends has problems getting over a girl, and I tell them the best thing to do. The plan is fool proof, and when they take my advice, they are better off. Yet when it comes to myself, I still have times where I can't get over a girl that I haven't even had a real conversation with in over a year. Why? Because I try to make myself happy with my own plans and with what I want. But I can't help it. Words are always so much easier than actions. If only life was an AIM conversation.
The thing is, I don't have a bad life. I have amazing friends, parents that support me, and enough money to go to school. When I put everything into the right perspective, my life is wonderful. There are so many people with bigger problems than me, but I'm so self centered I can't see past it. I've been blessed beyond my imagination, and I have God to think for that. All I need now is the patience, and wisdom, to overcome my selfishness and let go of the facile things that don't even matter. Because this life was given to me by a power that can overcome anything to do His will.
And that's what I pray for every night.
I've been battling with myself lately. Not on any specific subject. Just life in general. It seems that no matter how hard I try, or whatever I do, I can't seem to enjoy my life the way it's been given to me. I meet someone I care about, it doesn't matter to them if I exist or not. I study for a week straight, I fail a test. I try to manage my money as much as possible, I'm in an exorbitant amount of debt. I'm feeling pressure from everyone about everything, and I can't even get myself together to be the person I want myself to be.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing an emotional pity party. I'm completely content with the life I've been given. I just feel like I could be doing more. It seems like my entire life, I've been working everyone else's problems out for them. I see myself as a pretty decent giver of advice. But my problem is, I can't even take my own. Things that seem so simple for me to tell people to do are arduous for me to do myself. One of my friends has problems getting over a girl, and I tell them the best thing to do. The plan is fool proof, and when they take my advice, they are better off. Yet when it comes to myself, I still have times where I can't get over a girl that I haven't even had a real conversation with in over a year. Why? Because I try to make myself happy with my own plans and with what I want. But I can't help it. Words are always so much easier than actions. If only life was an AIM conversation.
The thing is, I don't have a bad life. I have amazing friends, parents that support me, and enough money to go to school. When I put everything into the right perspective, my life is wonderful. There are so many people with bigger problems than me, but I'm so self centered I can't see past it. I've been blessed beyond my imagination, and I have God to think for that. All I need now is the patience, and wisdom, to overcome my selfishness and let go of the facile things that don't even matter. Because this life was given to me by a power that can overcome anything to do His will.
And that's what I pray for every night.
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