My journal has moved...

I've now moved along with technology, way after the fact that blogging has been available for a while. I've decided I'd rather type than write, and this is pretty much guaranteed to stay up and not get lost somewhere, so now everything will be on here. This blog isn't about trying to persuade, politics, or forcing my opinions on anyone. It is strictly for me. If anyone happens to stumble upon it and read it, that is the choice they make. So if you happen to read this, these are my inner thoughts written down, and if you think something's about you, or someone else, don't ask. I won't answer. I'm not writing to please anyone, and frankly, most of this will be horrifically boring unless you enjoy reading about my daily life. The only reason I have it this open to public viewing is: 1.) Because I have nothing in my life that I need to hide and 2.) Because maybe someone will read something and learn something about their own lives, or see that someone else is going through the same thing as them. With that being said...day one of my new blogging adventure.

I've been battling with myself lately. Not on any specific subject. Just life in general. It seems that no matter how hard I try, or whatever I do, I can't seem to enjoy my life the way it's been given to me. I meet someone I care about, it doesn't matter to them if I exist or not. I study for a week straight, I fail a test. I try to manage my money as much as possible, I'm in an exorbitant amount of debt. I'm feeling pressure from everyone about everything, and I can't even get myself together to be the person I want myself to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not throwing an emotional pity party. I'm completely content with the life I've been given. I just feel like I could be doing more. It seems like my entire life, I've been working everyone else's problems out for them. I see myself as a pretty decent giver of advice. But my problem is, I can't even take my own. Things that seem so simple for me to tell people to do are arduous for me to do myself. One of my friends has problems getting over a girl, and I tell them the best thing to do. The plan is fool proof, and when they take my advice, they are better off. Yet when it comes to myself, I still have times where I can't get over a girl that I haven't even had a real conversation with in over a year. Why? Because I try to make myself happy with my own plans and with what I want. But I can't help it. Words are always so much easier than actions. If only life was an AIM conversation.

The thing is, I don't have a bad life. I have amazing friends, parents that support me, and enough money to go to school. When I put everything into the right perspective, my life is wonderful. There are so many people with bigger problems than me, but I'm so self centered I can't see past it. I've been blessed beyond my imagination, and I have God to think for that. All I need now is the patience, and wisdom, to overcome my selfishness and let go of the facile things that don't even matter. Because this life was given to me by a power that can overcome anything to do His will.

And that's what I pray for every night.