I've always heard that change brings new, better things into your life. While I believe that, I have a substantially hard time doing so. I put life on pause today to sit on my roof and think about things. I thought about how I'm always just waiting for something to come in the future that's better than what I have at the time. But when I think back on my life, I've never had it bad. I miss when a typical day was to come home from school and hang out with friends. Basically just doing nothing. But then when mom asks me to set the table, I get mad and wish I could be out on my own. Well now I am. And yea, I'm happy and its good and all...but I would set the table and take out the trash out all the time to have that life again for just one day. I've started to realize that I take for granted the life that I have. Back then I didn't see it. I still don't.
Change is good, yes. But I've spent my whole life waiting for something to change, that I haven't ever been contempt with the things I have. Are things better for me now? Maybe. Am I happier than I was 5 years ago? I don't think I am. Because I'm still caught up in wanting something better.
And now that my best friend, who I've known almost my entire life, has left the band, I don't even know. I don't even know what to think. I just keep remembering when it wasn't this hard. When all of my friends lived within walking distance. Now they are all hours away and I see them once every few months. That's why I hate change. And I get so caught up in insignificant things, I forget the significant ones. I forget about the fact that after college, I might not talk to a lot of people that I've become friends with over the years. I don't want that at all. But it seems inevitable. I can count my friends on my fingers. I'm not complaining about that because I love the friends I have now. What sucks is that the number will just keep decreasing as I get older. Just because of the fact that people grow up and move away making it harder to keep in touch.
So my prayer tonight is that I will stop trying to force changes in my life. And that I can enjoy what I have before it's gone. Because obviously...I can't turn back time.
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When twitter isn't enough, I ramble here. To no one in particular. I just like to type stuff. Thanks for reading.
1 comment:
true. growing up was great. but it's the people that always seek out the future and betterment of themselves that reach high points. that do things. and change things. just make sure you can enjoy where you are now. and have good memories. that's what we did in our childhood. that's what i want to do now. that's the beauty of change. the more it happens, the more memories you'll have to look back on and enjoy the life you've led.
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