The Game 101

I'm sitting here waiting on a paper to be sent via email so I can combine it with mine and put the finishing touches on. So I thought...why not blog? After this, I'll be done with school for a week or two. Kind of excited about that.

So here's something I've wanted to write about for a while now. I've been around for a while. Been in college for 4 1/2 years now. Been in a few relationships. Seen a lot more. Derived one thing. It's turned into a game. Yes. A Game. Like, two sides competing to win. I grew up thinking that two people fall in love and are there for each other no matter what. I believed that a relationship was supposed to be two people that supported each other and helped each other through hard times. This is far from today's modern version of a relationship. I've learned the insides and outs of the game, and while refusing to play anymore, I will enlighten you as to what I've learned so that you can keep an eye out for the signs. Disclaimer that I feel is needed in order to not start fires: This is not about a single person or a single relationship. This is my life's worth of experience with my own relationships and witnessing others.

The Purpose of the Game: How to win.

The game has one ultimate objective: to show that you have power over the other person in the relationship. I will later discuss the many tactics and ways used to win. The basic point is to try and be "the pants" of the relationship, if you will. To be the one in control. It is no longer about equality. It's about being able to get what you want.


Conscious v Subconscious

The game can either be played subconsciously or consciously. The majority of the time, people in a relationship doesn't even know it's happening. In my opinion, the greatest human flaw is that we strive for power and will go through great lengths to get it. Some of us are overcome by a craving for power. These would be our corrupt politicians an extortionists. For most people, being powerless is an awful feeling. With this longing to have power, we sometimes attempt to establish it in a relationship without even knowing. Ever had those times where you say something, then 3 days later you realize that you meant none of it and had no idea why you said it? Because at the time, you were trying to stand firm on something, whether it was right or wrong, and didn't care. Because you wanted the power. The upper hand. It could also be very conscious. Sometimes, people know exactly what they are doing. They know they are trying to get the best of someone. And they know that they are trying to break someone down so they can come out on top.

Strategies: How to win

So there are a variety of ways to play the game. I will name a few and you'll probably get the picture. The most common form in today's world is Facebook status updates. Yea...I'm not kidding. Rather than talking to the person they are having a problem with, they will put a facebook status up. You know what I'm talking about. "So and so" thinks that some people need to figure some things out. I just made that one up, it wasn't a real example. But you get it. The second most common strategy is a game within the game that I like to call, "Guess what's wrong." This is all to familiar to most. In this, the person's communications will be short and minute. They will appear to be in a bad mood. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing". Something is clearly wrong. The idea is to know what you did wrong and admit it to them. The third strategy I will talk about is when the other person will act uninterested. They won't answer calls or texts and act like they don't care if the relationship fails. When they do. They just want to give off the appearance that they don't in order to show that they have power. Teammates also come into play. The person will get one of their close friends to validate everything they're saying and bring it as ammunition. "Well, Joqueeshia said that she saw you looking at Yolandeesha with googly eyes the other day." You probably weren't. But it doesn't matter. Because she has a teammate that said you were. The best part about teammates? They don't even have to know what's going on. They don't even have to know the truth. Everything they say is considered fact.

How To Win: The catch-22

If you win this game in the aspects that I have talked about, you will ultimately lose. I believe that today's divorce rate is so high now because of the game. Once people get married, the one who is losing gets sick of it and arguments stir up, they're too far in the game to come to an agreement, and they end up divorcing. Love loses to pride. To truly win at this game, you can neither win or lose. You have to stop playing. You have to take the knee. If you are meant to be with this person, they will realize what's going on. They will realize that they are trying to be too controlling. Here's the not so great part. If you aren't meant to be and do end up breaking up, you have to lay your pride down. They will feel victorious. Like they've won. They will probably tell all their friends about how they broke up with you because you are a jerk. They'll update their facebook status and tell everyone how happy and free they are. This is the most crucial part of the game. You can't go back. Once you quit, you stay out. You have to lay your pride down and accept yourself as the true winner. Here's the part that's good. When you do lay out, you will be much happier with yourself. You will truly feel free, and you will truly feel happy. Meanwhile, they will be happy on the outside, yet crushed on the inside. Not necessarily because it didn't work out, but because they couldn't control the situation the way they wanted to. It's kind of sad actually.

So I wrote this kind of as a humorous post. Trying to get some laughs. But this stuff is actually real. There is a game that goes on. And I won't play it anymore. You're supposed to be with someone who will help you through problems not create them. You're supposed to be with someone who will left you up, not break you down. Next time you are either in a fight, or witness a fight in a relationship, put these concepts to mind. They're real. And they're happening. It's kind of discouraging really. The love is being overcome by power and greed. I guess that's the way the world works. It might just be a case of immaturity. I hope as we get older, the game stops. Or I guess I'll just be single the rest of my life. Love is not a game. And I refuse to let it be.