Ok. Finally. I've told myself I was going to write the end of this mini-series deal every night for the past few weeks. So here it is. I guess the whole goal of this was to give you, as readers, a better idea of who I am and where I came from. Also, to remind myself of the things that I've experienced and learned. As you can see, my life did not have much tragedy. There hasn't been a lot of drama. My religious journey is not that much different than a lot of others'. When it all comes down to it, I have a very average and normal life on paper. I've always thought I needed tragedy, sadness, or something extraordinary to write something worthwhile. But I also realize that not very many people write about the things that happen everyday to everybody. And these are the people that read my stuff. So to start off, I will compose a list of some of the things that I have learned from my growing up experience.
1. There are a lot of imperfect people out there. Actually, there are over 6 billion imperfect people out there.
2. I am one of those.
3. It is possible to survive off of bread and ramen noodles for a week.
4. It feels like crap when people have bad things to say about you behind your back.
5. It is second nature to judge everyone you see in some way.
6. There is always someone that has it worse than you. Way worse.
7. Beer tastes good.
8. Power has a very corruptive nature.
9. You have to forgive people. Even if they don't ask.
10. I've taken my parents for granted.
11. The difference between real and not real friends is loyalty
12. You can't change your past, but you can shape your future.
13. Love is so overrated, yet drastically underrated at the same time.
14. School is stupid.
15. I will never change who I am for someone else.
This whole thing was kind of about my spiritual journey. So here's that part. I have two answers that I have found. Two answers that, barring extremism, are true to most every religion. Jesus gave the two most important commandments. They are:
1. Love your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
On these two commandments hang all the law.
When you think about it, that is the foundation of all religion. I believe that these are the two most important things any person can do. I set out to find out what religion is "right" and as it turns out...all of them that follow those two things. It all depends how you live. And I've come to find out that even by merely attempting to do these two things, my life is much better. Number 9 on my list coincides with this. You have to forgive people. Even the dumbest and seemingly petty things. When a guy cuts you off in traffic, how long do you dwell on that? If you are like me, you automatically thing that guy has something against you. Something as stupid as that will anger me for a good minute. Sometimes it can ruin my day. But if I make it a point to forgive the guy who, for one, might not have even realized he cut me off, it's over and done with. I can move on. I can stop obsessing over stupid and miniature things. I honestly believe that this world could heal if everyone had more grace. That's why I'm so stuck on it. If everyone was forgiving, there would be no judging, there would be no drama, and there would be no war. However, I fear that reality shows might not be on TV much longer. And that, as we all know, would be a tragedy.
I learned a lot from reading. I really got into reading other people's stories. That might be what inspired me to write all of this. I love learning from others' experiences. One book in particular was A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers. A short rundown of the book: Both of his parents died and he was left to take care of his 8 year old brother when he was in his early 20's. But as tragic as that sounds, I found myself actually becoming JEALOUS of his life! I couldn't figure it out. Here are two people that have lived through something that no one should ever have to live through, and I am jealous. The whole book I was searching myself to see what I didn't have that they did. It was a number of things. But I think the most important one is that they always lived life one day at a time and they made the best of every second. Dave never once wished for a different life. He took what was given to him and he made it his. And that was amazing to me. That someone could be so happy amongst such tragedy. That's how I want to live my life.
In regards to my Catholic Church post. Yes, I do believe that the Catholic Church is very very corrupt. I also believe that a lot of churches and religions are corrupt. Everything that has power is corrupt somehow, somewhere. Do I believe all of the people following the religion are corrupt? No, I don't. Because when it all comes down to it, they follow the same two commandments. That whole post was more about me coming to the realization that power can corrupt you than condemning people. It holds true in all other religions, politics, big business, and more.
Besides all of that, one huge thing that I have learned is that I can be a blessing to other people. I've always thought that I couldn't because I'm not perfect. But I've realized, through other people that have blessed me and given me wisdom, that I can do the same thing. My sophomore year of college was huge. I learned to slow down. I learned to stop trying to get from A to B. Then B to C. Then C to D. With no stops in between. And that's what I have to share with other people. I see so many people trying to force life to happen. It's like they are trying to get to the end as fast as they can. I've seen people go through school as fast as they can. Get a big boy job as fast as they can. Get married as fast as they can. And when they look back, I fear they might realized they missed a lot of things that were right in front of them. I would always say, "Well when I get to this point things will be better. When I get done with this my life will be easier." But I never took the time to make the current moment better. And here's a spoiler alert. Rarely, I repeat...rarely will ANYONE get to the point where their life is just great and perfect. This comes from reading Ecclesiastes. Here you have the richest and wisest king maybe to ever life. He had everything. He knew everything. But he was still miserable. Because he realized that in the end, none of that stuff matters. Choose what you want to matter, and make the most out of it. You don't need what you think you need. You don't need what you can't have. If things don't work out the way you want it to, move on. Don't let it weigh you down. There are so many opportunities to live. So many things you can do.
So that's about it. I could write more. Way more. But I already have, really. In the form of over 100 blog posts in the past which somewhat document this journey. Apologies if you didn't get the epic ending you were hoping for. When it all comes down to it, I still haven't found all of the answers to life. And I probably never will. But isn't that the beauty of it? If we were given everything we wanted to know, where would the mystery be? Would we even care to live anymore? What if we knew what was going to happen when we die? If we could see everything, documented and cited in MLA format, would faith even exist anymore? Would there even be any hope? I think faith is what drives us. I think hope is what drives us. I think believing that there is a divine power out there, not only helps us get by, but allows us to live in a way that we otherwise couldn't. So here is my message to you, devoted blog reader. Don't stop believing in whatever it is you believe in (especially now that you have Journey stuck in your head). When it all comes down to it, nothing is wrong or right. We are driven by what we believe in. It makes us move. It gets us out of bed in the morning. Never lose faith in what you believe in, and never lose faith in yourself. Don't ever let someone tell you what to believe in. Don't ever let someone tell you that you can't do something. Most importantly...write your own story. Don't just take the life you have been given and make it through. You have endless possibilities. You can be anybody. You can do anything. Don't ever settle. We were not put on this earth to die. We were put here to live. We were put here to thrive. We. Are. Infinite.
18.12.10
3.12.10
The next post is yours...
I realize I just posted, but felt the need for a new one to introduce this: I want to make a post for you guys. I know there's at least 3 people that read this. I want to talk about what you guys want me to talk about. Whether it be a ramble, something insightful, something religious, sports, anything. Just don't touch politics. So if you want to hear me talk about something, shoot me a comment. What do you enjoy reading?
The Social Media Generation
In case you were wondering how I decide what to post here, my train of thoughts goes as follows: A thought crosses my mind, then goes away. Then it comes back and I ponder it for a while. Then I decide to tweet about it. Then I realize i can't cover it in a tweet or 3. So I come here. And then after I get my main point across, I say something else that I though about that is completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. The small audience I have here probably appreciates it more anyway. So here's on of those thoughts. I don't really know the technical length of a "generation." I've never really researched it. But I tend to think of a new generation being about every 5-10 years. Sounds short. But let me explain. Older people will always group someone my age (23) with someone that's 16 and call it "the younger generation." And maybe back in the olden days, these two people would be fairly similar with the exception of maturity. But the newest springs of technology, I believe, have shortened that span of people than can all be grouped together.
This all leads up to what I like to call the social media generation. Although I constantly divulge myself in social media platforms (some say it's easier to reach me via twitter than text or phone) I don't consider myself to be included in the one that I am referring too. The social networking generation includes those that grew up with social networking. As in, when they knew what internet was, they knew what Facebook was. Although I'm not what you would call an old fart, I remember the 56k dial-up modems when they first became commercial. beeeeeee...bu bu bee bu bu bu bee.....weeeeeuuhhhhwweeeuhhhhhwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeerrrrwiiier. That was my best impression of a dialup modem. If you remember them, you got me. Back to the blog. I went through the internet being created. I remember when cable modems came out. The day we got ours, I got on Napster and downloaded every Blink 182 song and thought it was the most incredible thing in the world. So since I've seen this all evolve, I think I have a different perspective than someone who is born into this. For one, before internet and social media, we actually had to make up things to do. People wonder why childhood obesity is a problem. It's the internet. It's the social media sites that let you create an alter ego. I didn't have that. I played baseball. I played cops and robbers. I pretended a box was a fort. I beat up Toph. I rode my bike. I didn't have 250 friends. I had about 5. Nobody knew what I was doing unless they called the house phone to check in. And just think. If you update twitter or facebook, hundreds of people immediately know what you are doing. At any time, they can check your interests, look at pictures, and find other information. The whole point of the last few sentences...this is relatively new. 15 years ago, I had a dialup modem and was happy to play checkers against a stranger.
And I'm not saying that this new internet surge is a problem. I actually think it's incredible. What I am saying, is that it is going to be really interesting when this generation hits the real world. I don't really know what to expect. Except for newer, even greater technology. The technology we have now came from people that were lucky to have a black and white TV. With Google, Wikipedia, and other information sources in the palm of one's hand from the age they understand how to work it...the possibilities are crazy to think about. What will happen the next few years? When the social media generation starts making decisions. When they start coming up with new ideas. I hope they hurry up and invent a time machine. I said some things once that were pretty dumb.
Ending question that has nothing to do with this post except the last sentence. If you could go back in time and take out one thing and replace it, what would it be? This thing wouldn't affect the present life, there would only be a different memory in it's place. I would go back to when my ex-girlfriend said she didn't love me anymore. And I would laugh instead of cry. And then I would make a fart sound with my mouth and walk away. Not the kind you make with your tongue, but with your lips. The one that goes....pphhhhhrrrrrr. And now that I have that visual, that is actually what happened from now on. Maybe I don't need a time machine. Since we're on the subject, think about this. If you had your whole life in front of you and you could remake your decisions without seeing the final outcome, do you think your life would really be better? It's like one of those choose your own ending Goosebumps books. What if you didn't date that one person? What if you did date that one person? What if you chose to go to another college? What if you didn't go to college? What if you played football? Where would you be? I would probably be fat in one of my other lives.
Oops. I am nowhere near the topic I started with.
This all leads up to what I like to call the social media generation. Although I constantly divulge myself in social media platforms (some say it's easier to reach me via twitter than text or phone) I don't consider myself to be included in the one that I am referring too. The social networking generation includes those that grew up with social networking. As in, when they knew what internet was, they knew what Facebook was. Although I'm not what you would call an old fart, I remember the 56k dial-up modems when they first became commercial. beeeeeee...bu bu bee bu bu bu bee.....weeeeeuuhhhhwweeeuhhhhhwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeerrrrwiiier. That was my best impression of a dialup modem. If you remember them, you got me. Back to the blog. I went through the internet being created. I remember when cable modems came out. The day we got ours, I got on Napster and downloaded every Blink 182 song and thought it was the most incredible thing in the world. So since I've seen this all evolve, I think I have a different perspective than someone who is born into this. For one, before internet and social media, we actually had to make up things to do. People wonder why childhood obesity is a problem. It's the internet. It's the social media sites that let you create an alter ego. I didn't have that. I played baseball. I played cops and robbers. I pretended a box was a fort. I beat up Toph. I rode my bike. I didn't have 250 friends. I had about 5. Nobody knew what I was doing unless they called the house phone to check in. And just think. If you update twitter or facebook, hundreds of people immediately know what you are doing. At any time, they can check your interests, look at pictures, and find other information. The whole point of the last few sentences...this is relatively new. 15 years ago, I had a dialup modem and was happy to play checkers against a stranger.
And I'm not saying that this new internet surge is a problem. I actually think it's incredible. What I am saying, is that it is going to be really interesting when this generation hits the real world. I don't really know what to expect. Except for newer, even greater technology. The technology we have now came from people that were lucky to have a black and white TV. With Google, Wikipedia, and other information sources in the palm of one's hand from the age they understand how to work it...the possibilities are crazy to think about. What will happen the next few years? When the social media generation starts making decisions. When they start coming up with new ideas. I hope they hurry up and invent a time machine. I said some things once that were pretty dumb.
Ending question that has nothing to do with this post except the last sentence. If you could go back in time and take out one thing and replace it, what would it be? This thing wouldn't affect the present life, there would only be a different memory in it's place. I would go back to when my ex-girlfriend said she didn't love me anymore. And I would laugh instead of cry. And then I would make a fart sound with my mouth and walk away. Not the kind you make with your tongue, but with your lips. The one that goes....pphhhhhrrrrrr. And now that I have that visual, that is actually what happened from now on. Maybe I don't need a time machine. Since we're on the subject, think about this. If you had your whole life in front of you and you could remake your decisions without seeing the final outcome, do you think your life would really be better? It's like one of those choose your own ending Goosebumps books. What if you didn't date that one person? What if you did date that one person? What if you chose to go to another college? What if you didn't go to college? What if you played football? Where would you be? I would probably be fat in one of my other lives.
Oops. I am nowhere near the topic I started with.
1.11.10
29.10.10
Halloween Pt. 2
Another post about Halloween. Because I think it is needed. Like I said in the previous post, Halloween has definitely lost it's original meaning. But perhaps it has really evolved into something worse. As harmless as is when the majority of our society is naive about the whole thing, thing about what we are celebrating. Think about what we are practicing. What we are seeking. The following is based upon my beliefs and is not meant to offend anyone. I am not condemning anyone by any means.
The original holiday was meant to keep spirits away. Now it seems like we are welcoming them. People dress up as ghosts, witches, and demons, put them in their yards, and celebrate death. But not the kind of death where you go to heaven. A scary death with ghosts and demons. Violence is uplifted. Scary movies, death scenes, haunted houses, and yard decorations. The chainsaws, knives, saws, and other brutal weapons seen as decorations. This...is my real problem with Halloween.
Robert Englund, the actor who played Freddy Krueger, got his inspiration for the movie from Ted Bundy. A real mass murderer. We watch these films with such desensitized eyes that we don't even realize the horrors that are going on. Yes, it is just a movie. But some of them are inspired from real events. And we enjoy them? We like to watch people die. I have not found a clever way to rephrase that. Or take it out of context. When it comes down to it, we enjoy watching people be brutally murdered. The more blood and gore in a movie, the better...right? What attracts people to horror movies? It sure isn't the plot. Because most of them are terrible. It's the same as people that say they listen to rap for the music. The music is all the same now. But I bet they can tell you every lyric in the song.
Now for the religious part. And although seemingly contradicting, the reason I like Halloween. The ghosts and spirits are not worshiped. Nobody dresses up as a ghost to celebrate Satan. When it all comes down to it, we are mocking him. Martin Luther said, "The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn." I think that is exactly what we do on Halloween. Although this is just as unconscious as watching a horror film, the way we go about evil spirits is a mockery. People see ghosts and laugh. Evil spirits have been made into friendly ghosts. However, there is one spirit that we don't mock. In fact, we thrive off of it. Fear. The bible tells us to fear nothing but God. Yet we choose to go to these haunted houses and watch scary movies in order to fear things of this world. Why are people choosing to put fear into their hearts? Some people can't sleep at night. Some do, but have nightmares. Why is this a good thing? Why do people enjoy this? I have never understood that. I have always hated horror films. I have always hated haunted houses. I don't like forcing fear on myself. I can not go to the haunted house and be ok. Or I can go to the haunted house and get the crap scared out of me. That's just me. But I think it's stupid regardless of religious belief.
So when it all comes down to it, I truly don't hate Halloween. It's all in the way each individual perceives it. The kids dressing up and using their imaginations, trick or treating, and having fun. I'm ok with that. I did it when I was younger and thoroughly enjoyed it. The death and murder stuff...dislike. That is something that is quickly desensitizing our society whether it is all fun and games or not. I think it all comes down to the way we celebrate it. Are we mocking the evil spirits? The witchcraft, the demons and the ghosts. Or are we celebrating them? Welcoming them. Do you go into a haunted house to laugh at the fear that Satan puts into the world? Or do you go in there expecting to be afraid? The bottom line is that fear is an evil spirit. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." Any sort of fear of this world is an evil spirit. God did not give us this. If you think it's all fun and games, it is not. When you can't sleep with the light off after a scary movie, that is the spirit of fear. When you are paranoid about every noise that you hear, that is the spirit of fear. It is not something that God meant for us to have. And I believe that it interrupts our relationship with him. Because when we are filled with the spirit of fear, we forget that God has power over all of Satan's army. We forget that God triumphs over all. We forget that God is on our side and we lose our connection. That being said, an underpaid high school kid with face paint and a fake chain saw is fear that will later be laughed at. But the temptation is still there. The door is opened. We are just letting them in.
My main point is...if God did not give us this spirit, warns us about it, and tells us to say away...why are we looking for it? Why are we not only searching for it, but welcoming it?
The original holiday was meant to keep spirits away. Now it seems like we are welcoming them. People dress up as ghosts, witches, and demons, put them in their yards, and celebrate death. But not the kind of death where you go to heaven. A scary death with ghosts and demons. Violence is uplifted. Scary movies, death scenes, haunted houses, and yard decorations. The chainsaws, knives, saws, and other brutal weapons seen as decorations. This...is my real problem with Halloween.
Robert Englund, the actor who played Freddy Krueger, got his inspiration for the movie from Ted Bundy. A real mass murderer. We watch these films with such desensitized eyes that we don't even realize the horrors that are going on. Yes, it is just a movie. But some of them are inspired from real events. And we enjoy them? We like to watch people die. I have not found a clever way to rephrase that. Or take it out of context. When it comes down to it, we enjoy watching people be brutally murdered. The more blood and gore in a movie, the better...right? What attracts people to horror movies? It sure isn't the plot. Because most of them are terrible. It's the same as people that say they listen to rap for the music. The music is all the same now. But I bet they can tell you every lyric in the song.
Now for the religious part. And although seemingly contradicting, the reason I like Halloween. The ghosts and spirits are not worshiped. Nobody dresses up as a ghost to celebrate Satan. When it all comes down to it, we are mocking him. Martin Luther said, "The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn." I think that is exactly what we do on Halloween. Although this is just as unconscious as watching a horror film, the way we go about evil spirits is a mockery. People see ghosts and laugh. Evil spirits have been made into friendly ghosts. However, there is one spirit that we don't mock. In fact, we thrive off of it. Fear. The bible tells us to fear nothing but God. Yet we choose to go to these haunted houses and watch scary movies in order to fear things of this world. Why are people choosing to put fear into their hearts? Some people can't sleep at night. Some do, but have nightmares. Why is this a good thing? Why do people enjoy this? I have never understood that. I have always hated horror films. I have always hated haunted houses. I don't like forcing fear on myself. I can not go to the haunted house and be ok. Or I can go to the haunted house and get the crap scared out of me. That's just me. But I think it's stupid regardless of religious belief.
So when it all comes down to it, I truly don't hate Halloween. It's all in the way each individual perceives it. The kids dressing up and using their imaginations, trick or treating, and having fun. I'm ok with that. I did it when I was younger and thoroughly enjoyed it. The death and murder stuff...dislike. That is something that is quickly desensitizing our society whether it is all fun and games or not. I think it all comes down to the way we celebrate it. Are we mocking the evil spirits? The witchcraft, the demons and the ghosts. Or are we celebrating them? Welcoming them. Do you go into a haunted house to laugh at the fear that Satan puts into the world? Or do you go in there expecting to be afraid? The bottom line is that fear is an evil spirit. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." Any sort of fear of this world is an evil spirit. God did not give us this. If you think it's all fun and games, it is not. When you can't sleep with the light off after a scary movie, that is the spirit of fear. When you are paranoid about every noise that you hear, that is the spirit of fear. It is not something that God meant for us to have. And I believe that it interrupts our relationship with him. Because when we are filled with the spirit of fear, we forget that God has power over all of Satan's army. We forget that God triumphs over all. We forget that God is on our side and we lose our connection. That being said, an underpaid high school kid with face paint and a fake chain saw is fear that will later be laughed at. But the temptation is still there. The door is opened. We are just letting them in.
My main point is...if God did not give us this spirit, warns us about it, and tells us to say away...why are we looking for it? Why are we not only searching for it, but welcoming it?
22.10.10
Nuclear Explosion From a Bedroom Window
Ever wondered what would go through your mind right before you die? I got to experience that the other day. Well, kind of. I don't normally remember dreams. But this one, I did. And I've never died before in a dream. But in this one I did. It was weird. My dream consisted of the following: I was sitting in my bedroom looking out the window and saw a nuclear bomb go off. I have no idea who would waste a nuclear bomb on Harvest, Alabama, but they did in my dream. It was pretty cool though. I knew I only had a few seconds to live. A lot of things went through my mind in those 5 seconds before it hit. The first thing that ran through my mind was denial. Maybe it won't get this far. Maybe I'll live through it. That quickly turned into, "Oh man, God is going to be maaaaaaddd at me." I quickly started a "hail mary" type prayer (you like that? I thought it was funny) and for some reason, tucked up into a bomb like that would protect me from the explosion coming in my direction or something. The weird part was next. I died. I didn't wake up first. I think the reason we always wake up before we die is because of the stress. We're falling off a cliff or something and then at that last second, we hit a peak in our stress level that jerks us awake. But by tucking up into a ball, I couldn't see the explosion coming and just waited. I was abnormally calm for seeing an atomic bomb explode in my general area. This death, in my dream, was almost worse than knowing you're going to die. I was just floating in blackness. Reflecting on my life. It was almost a sense of purgatory. I started asking all these questions. Did I do this, did I do that. Am I going to heaven or hell? What's next? And I just floated there. Curled up in a ball. Then I woke up.
Why am I sharing this? For one, it's the first dream I've remembered in a long time. Wanted documentation. But the other reason is because it got me thinking about things I normally think about, but from a different perspective. Even though it was a dream, I died. Everything I had been wanting to do and saying I would do could no longer be done. I had a few seconds to break down all of the things I did that were completely pointless after the fact that I was dead. I've blogged about this before when I talked about Ecclesiastes. But this dream gave me a first hand view of what it would be like to truly realize that some of the things we do are completely irrelevant when we die. I can say things are pointless. Anyone can tell you the amount of Facebook friends you have will not matter. But I don't think we will finally realize it until we actually die. And this was just a dream that lasted a few seconds. Imagine eternity. You will have plenty of time to reflect on why you spent 20 minutes of your life angry, all because someone said something about the football team you were a fan of. Guilty. I've spent more than 20 minutes mad at someone for that. And for what? This is a team you aren't even a part of. Much less the fact that all you get is bragging rights when your team wins. You don't get money (unless you bet on it). You don't get a trophy. You didn't even do anything. So why do we get so upset when someone says something you don't agree with?
Think about all of the things we waste our life on. Modern technology has made it almost impossible to not waste a good chunk of your every day. I have 3 stars on every Angry Birds level on the iPhone. Am I going to go down in history for that? No. Heck, in 3 years that won't even matter. But I spent my time doing it. It's hard to pull yourself away from stuff like that. But maybe if I try a little harder every day, I can get to the point where I truly enjoy life for what it gives me, not for what I force out of it. Maybe being entertained isn't about having the latest games or watching football. Maybe I can just spend an hour on my roof and stop taking what God gave us for granted. What did people do before technology? They enjoyed God's creation. I know I've blogged about this before, but I really feel like we're falling farther and farther away from that. God gave us life, earth, and space for a reason. And I have a good feeling that reason wasn't to play video games.
Another thing I thought about after that goes along with the last paragraph. How many things do we say we are going to start doing? How many times do we go to bed saying, "Ok, tomorrow I'll take some time to enjoy creation." Or, "Tomorrow, I'll start reading the bible more." But we wake up and forget about it. Only to remember the next night right before we go to sleep. Then feel bad about ourselves because we never do any of the things that we want to do. We're too consumed with the way we are "supposed" to live life and other distractions. I'll write all night about things I need to start doing and why I want to do them. But in the morning (I should say afternoon. I like sleep.) I wake up and am either too lazy, don't remember, or just don't want to. I don't have an answer for this one. That's all me. And just to level with you all...I still don't do half the things I've blogged about. Very hypocritical, if you ask me. I'll say I'm making an effort. But really, how hard am I trying? Not hard enough is the answer to that one. Saying and doing are two different things. And the effort involved weighs heavily towards the latter.
"We are all going to die. Just a heads up."
-Stephen Christian
Why am I sharing this? For one, it's the first dream I've remembered in a long time. Wanted documentation. But the other reason is because it got me thinking about things I normally think about, but from a different perspective. Even though it was a dream, I died. Everything I had been wanting to do and saying I would do could no longer be done. I had a few seconds to break down all of the things I did that were completely pointless after the fact that I was dead. I've blogged about this before when I talked about Ecclesiastes. But this dream gave me a first hand view of what it would be like to truly realize that some of the things we do are completely irrelevant when we die. I can say things are pointless. Anyone can tell you the amount of Facebook friends you have will not matter. But I don't think we will finally realize it until we actually die. And this was just a dream that lasted a few seconds. Imagine eternity. You will have plenty of time to reflect on why you spent 20 minutes of your life angry, all because someone said something about the football team you were a fan of. Guilty. I've spent more than 20 minutes mad at someone for that. And for what? This is a team you aren't even a part of. Much less the fact that all you get is bragging rights when your team wins. You don't get money (unless you bet on it). You don't get a trophy. You didn't even do anything. So why do we get so upset when someone says something you don't agree with?
Think about all of the things we waste our life on. Modern technology has made it almost impossible to not waste a good chunk of your every day. I have 3 stars on every Angry Birds level on the iPhone. Am I going to go down in history for that? No. Heck, in 3 years that won't even matter. But I spent my time doing it. It's hard to pull yourself away from stuff like that. But maybe if I try a little harder every day, I can get to the point where I truly enjoy life for what it gives me, not for what I force out of it. Maybe being entertained isn't about having the latest games or watching football. Maybe I can just spend an hour on my roof and stop taking what God gave us for granted. What did people do before technology? They enjoyed God's creation. I know I've blogged about this before, but I really feel like we're falling farther and farther away from that. God gave us life, earth, and space for a reason. And I have a good feeling that reason wasn't to play video games.
Another thing I thought about after that goes along with the last paragraph. How many things do we say we are going to start doing? How many times do we go to bed saying, "Ok, tomorrow I'll take some time to enjoy creation." Or, "Tomorrow, I'll start reading the bible more." But we wake up and forget about it. Only to remember the next night right before we go to sleep. Then feel bad about ourselves because we never do any of the things that we want to do. We're too consumed with the way we are "supposed" to live life and other distractions. I'll write all night about things I need to start doing and why I want to do them. But in the morning (I should say afternoon. I like sleep.) I wake up and am either too lazy, don't remember, or just don't want to. I don't have an answer for this one. That's all me. And just to level with you all...I still don't do half the things I've blogged about. Very hypocritical, if you ask me. I'll say I'm making an effort. But really, how hard am I trying? Not hard enough is the answer to that one. Saying and doing are two different things. And the effort involved weighs heavily towards the latter.
"We are all going to die. Just a heads up."
-Stephen Christian
16.10.10
I Hate Halloween.
I don't think there is another holiday I hate more than Halloween. Call me a party pooper, but it really is ridiculous. Halloween, like almost every holiday, has strayed far away from it's origin. Briefly, it is derived from a Celtic holiday in which they wore costumes and masks to disguise themselves to ward off evil spirits. Don't really think that's what we're doing now. But that's beside the point. I don't care where it came from. My problem is that it's just stupid.
So let me get this straight. I'm supposed to go to the store and buy a few bags of candy so I can hand them out to strangers that are dressed in ridiculous outfits because they knock on the door and interrupt me from watching television? They didn't do anything to deserve this candy. What if I want it? I paid for it. Not that I ever do get interrupted because I turn off my porch light. But one year I forgot and the same kids knocked on my door and saw me through the window. When I didn't get up (I was in the middle of an online NCAA Football match on PS2) they just kept knocking. Even after I told them to go away. Where are their parents? I finally got fed up and gave them packs of Ramen noodles. True story. And fuel to the fire of why I hate Halloween so much. Yea, you can say it's my fault for leaving the porch light on. But I shouldn't have to turn my porch light off in order to fight off kids that want candy. Even as an adult, people still want you to dress up. I show up to work. "Hey, why didn't you dress up?" "Uhh...because I'm 23." Driving is a hassle. All of the neighborhoods are filled with kids running in the streets and parents in cars blocking them and yelling at you if you drive over 5 mph. Haunted houses are another thing. "Hey let's pay this guy 20 bucks to get the crap scared out of us!" How does that work? Pay me 10 bucks and I'll make you pee your pants. Call me a weenie, but getting scared isn't my thing. I should rephrase. I know that the dude with the chainsaw is not real. I know I am not going to get murdered. I hate being startled. It is not an enjoyable feeling. I don't know why it is for anyone. Whenever I'm startled, I immediately instinctively punch the thing that startled me. I've never been startled by something and afterward thought...hey, that was pretty awesome. Why would I pay for someone to do that to me? I can go to a pirate website and watch a scary movie for free.
I think it's absolutely ridiculous that people spend so much money on this crap. I guess it's good because it stimulates the economy, but come on. People decorate their yards! And that stuff isn't cheap. Why are you spending all of this money for one night? These costumes aren't cheap either. If you have 3 spoiled kids, you're going to be spending over 100 dollars. For something they'll never wear again.
Girls are the worst. I know this isn't news to anyone, but for them, it's an excuse to dress like a stripper. Since when did a witch have cleavage? Don't get me wrong, I don't mind looking. But it's like one big slut-fest in which every girl tries to out-slut the other one. But for some reason, since it's Halloween, it's acceptable. These costumes are also expensive. As the really slutty ones are at least $50 bucks.
All of this...for what? Most people don't even know where Halloween came from. It's the only holiday I can think of that the majority of people celebrating it can't tell you why. People spend money to decorate their yards and don't even know why. It's almost embarrassing that we celebrate something like this. It makes absolutely no sense. For those saying I'm a party pooper and that I can't have fun...yes I can. I don't need a holiday or an excuse to have fun. I can have fun whenever I want. Halloween is on a Sunday night. So people that have to go to school or work on Monday are going to be miserable. How about I stay up late and have a good time on Friday night, then have all Saturday to sit around and watch football. You go out and celebrate a pointless holiday and hate your life all day on Monday. I'll have an extra 100 dollars in my pocket that I didn't spend on a costume, candy, and decorations. And by Tuesday, life will be normal and the fact that you spent all that money won't even matter. Are you going to wear your slutty nurse outfit to work? Didn't think so. But I hate days like this in which you feel like you are forced to have a good time just because it's a holiday. What if I don't feel good? What if it doesn't go well? You then hate the fact that you have to wait until the next planned good time to have any fun.
But by the last paragraph, I mean just that. I'm not hating on people that do celebrate it. I'm hating on the holiday itself. So don't take this personally if you love Halloween. But when I can't enjoy my normal day because of it, it makes me a bit angry. You go out and have fun. Do your thing. It's your life. My whole point of this is to tell you why I hate it. And why I think it's stupid. I bet half the people that celebrate it don't really enjoy it. They just do it because everyone else is. You can't go to costume parties without dressing up. I think dressing up is stupid. If you don't spend a lot of money or think of something good, you're that weirdo that nobody talks to. Why can't we just have a normal party?
Anyway, there's my rant. Don't argue with me because I'm pretty set on what I think. Any argument about this particular post will be discarded. Because there is nothing you can say that will convince me to like Halloween. It will only make me more angry.
So let me get this straight. I'm supposed to go to the store and buy a few bags of candy so I can hand them out to strangers that are dressed in ridiculous outfits because they knock on the door and interrupt me from watching television? They didn't do anything to deserve this candy. What if I want it? I paid for it. Not that I ever do get interrupted because I turn off my porch light. But one year I forgot and the same kids knocked on my door and saw me through the window. When I didn't get up (I was in the middle of an online NCAA Football match on PS2) they just kept knocking. Even after I told them to go away. Where are their parents? I finally got fed up and gave them packs of Ramen noodles. True story. And fuel to the fire of why I hate Halloween so much. Yea, you can say it's my fault for leaving the porch light on. But I shouldn't have to turn my porch light off in order to fight off kids that want candy. Even as an adult, people still want you to dress up. I show up to work. "Hey, why didn't you dress up?" "Uhh...because I'm 23." Driving is a hassle. All of the neighborhoods are filled with kids running in the streets and parents in cars blocking them and yelling at you if you drive over 5 mph. Haunted houses are another thing. "Hey let's pay this guy 20 bucks to get the crap scared out of us!" How does that work? Pay me 10 bucks and I'll make you pee your pants. Call me a weenie, but getting scared isn't my thing. I should rephrase. I know that the dude with the chainsaw is not real. I know I am not going to get murdered. I hate being startled. It is not an enjoyable feeling. I don't know why it is for anyone. Whenever I'm startled, I immediately instinctively punch the thing that startled me. I've never been startled by something and afterward thought...hey, that was pretty awesome. Why would I pay for someone to do that to me? I can go to a pirate website and watch a scary movie for free.
I think it's absolutely ridiculous that people spend so much money on this crap. I guess it's good because it stimulates the economy, but come on. People decorate their yards! And that stuff isn't cheap. Why are you spending all of this money for one night? These costumes aren't cheap either. If you have 3 spoiled kids, you're going to be spending over 100 dollars. For something they'll never wear again.
Girls are the worst. I know this isn't news to anyone, but for them, it's an excuse to dress like a stripper. Since when did a witch have cleavage? Don't get me wrong, I don't mind looking. But it's like one big slut-fest in which every girl tries to out-slut the other one. But for some reason, since it's Halloween, it's acceptable. These costumes are also expensive. As the really slutty ones are at least $50 bucks.
All of this...for what? Most people don't even know where Halloween came from. It's the only holiday I can think of that the majority of people celebrating it can't tell you why. People spend money to decorate their yards and don't even know why. It's almost embarrassing that we celebrate something like this. It makes absolutely no sense. For those saying I'm a party pooper and that I can't have fun...yes I can. I don't need a holiday or an excuse to have fun. I can have fun whenever I want. Halloween is on a Sunday night. So people that have to go to school or work on Monday are going to be miserable. How about I stay up late and have a good time on Friday night, then have all Saturday to sit around and watch football. You go out and celebrate a pointless holiday and hate your life all day on Monday. I'll have an extra 100 dollars in my pocket that I didn't spend on a costume, candy, and decorations. And by Tuesday, life will be normal and the fact that you spent all that money won't even matter. Are you going to wear your slutty nurse outfit to work? Didn't think so. But I hate days like this in which you feel like you are forced to have a good time just because it's a holiday. What if I don't feel good? What if it doesn't go well? You then hate the fact that you have to wait until the next planned good time to have any fun.
But by the last paragraph, I mean just that. I'm not hating on people that do celebrate it. I'm hating on the holiday itself. So don't take this personally if you love Halloween. But when I can't enjoy my normal day because of it, it makes me a bit angry. You go out and have fun. Do your thing. It's your life. My whole point of this is to tell you why I hate it. And why I think it's stupid. I bet half the people that celebrate it don't really enjoy it. They just do it because everyone else is. You can't go to costume parties without dressing up. I think dressing up is stupid. If you don't spend a lot of money or think of something good, you're that weirdo that nobody talks to. Why can't we just have a normal party?
Anyway, there's my rant. Don't argue with me because I'm pretty set on what I think. Any argument about this particular post will be discarded. Because there is nothing you can say that will convince me to like Halloween. It will only make me more angry.
13.10.10
Money can't buy happiness?
Well a lack of can not buy happiness. And make you frustrated, angry, and hate doing what you love. When I first started recording, a good computer was my lowest priority. Now that I've bought other things, it is the weakest link. I bought a hard drive a month ago. Already went out. I lost all the mixes I've done in the past month. All because my computer is a piece of crap an I'm awful at backing up files. So I desperately need a computer. Which is about 1400 bucks. I can buy one right now. But then I wouldn't have money for the Nashville move and I would still be in credit card debt from other studio stuff. So what are my options? Tough it out and have the computer go down in the middle of an important outside session. Win monopoly at McDonalds. Win the lottery. Find two more jobs. Rob the Mac store (just kidding. Don't call the cops) or lastly...try out a kickstarter. If you don't know what kickstarter is, it's a website that helps you fund creative projects. My computer is my main tool for all creativity (though recently, my iPhone has been more successful). You set an amount and people pledge to give you money. If that goal is hit, you get the money, plus whatever else is raised before the deadline. If you don't get enough money before the deadline, you get nothing. This is where the problem lies. I have about 3 friends that might give me some money. So I might try it, but doubt it will work. You offer rewards (bands give out demos, download packages, shirts, etc) as motives to donate. Another problem. This won't really supply anything tangible. Just peace and happiness for me. And whoever records with me. I could give out free studio time for people who give $50 or more. Maybe recording lessons for $25. Or my old computer for $300. So this is something I'm considering if I can convince myself. If you have ideas of rewards I'd like to hear them. Comment away. Or a way to get $1k besides what I'm trying to save and pay off debt with.
So back to the title. That saying is a bunch of bull. I think it was intended to mean "you don't need money for happiness." Because let's be honest...when is the last time you ever bought something nice and were sad about it? Have you ever got a paycheck and started crying? No. When I have money, I am happier. Because it's one less thing I'm struggling with. If you know me at all, you know the lack of doesn't really make me sad. It frustrates me, yes. But I can tell you 100 non-monetary things that I can find happiness in.
So money can buy happiness. In the form of a Mac Pro. Quad or 8 core. 4gb ram. In case anyone wanted to buy me happiness. You know what? A G5 with a dual 2.2ghz and 4 gigs of ram would almost equally buy me happiness at this point. Anything to never use Windows again. But an Intel processor would make me happier than a G5. So anyway, I'm done being selfish. I'm serious about those rewards comments. Help me out with some ideas. Or just comment for the fun of it. That's one of my 100 non-monetary forms of happiness. Reading your comments. Which normally doesn't bring me much.
So back to the title. That saying is a bunch of bull. I think it was intended to mean "you don't need money for happiness." Because let's be honest...when is the last time you ever bought something nice and were sad about it? Have you ever got a paycheck and started crying? No. When I have money, I am happier. Because it's one less thing I'm struggling with. If you know me at all, you know the lack of doesn't really make me sad. It frustrates me, yes. But I can tell you 100 non-monetary things that I can find happiness in.
So money can buy happiness. In the form of a Mac Pro. Quad or 8 core. 4gb ram. In case anyone wanted to buy me happiness. You know what? A G5 with a dual 2.2ghz and 4 gigs of ram would almost equally buy me happiness at this point. Anything to never use Windows again. But an Intel processor would make me happier than a G5. So anyway, I'm done being selfish. I'm serious about those rewards comments. Help me out with some ideas. Or just comment for the fun of it. That's one of my 100 non-monetary forms of happiness. Reading your comments. Which normally doesn't bring me much.
10.10.10
Hate It Or Love It: Digital Recording
So this post is about the digital age of recording. Why it's bad, why it's good, and so on. For those that know little to nothing about recording, I'll try to include you.
If you don't know what digital recording is, it's recording onto a hard drive of some type. Before that, all they had was tape. To clear things up, I don't mean digital recording literally as 1's and 0's because that was invented a long time ago. I'm talking about recording to a hard drive rather than tape.
It started around 1995 when digital hard drive recorders became cheap. At first, they sounded pretty awful as analog to digital conversion was not grasped very well. Around the century turn, people started using computers for recording. Here's a very stripped down version of how it works: The microphone picks up to the sound and transmits it to a mixer. The analog signal is then sent out of a mixer into an analog to digital converter. Here, as the name suggests, the signal is changed from analog to digital and then recorded onto the hard drive of the computer. (Before a tape machine took the place of the converter and the sound remained analog). This breakthrough allowed almost anyone to cheaply have a recording studio in their bedroom. All you needed was a computer, a digital audio workstation (DAW for short, the software on your computer that reads and writes the audio files), a converter, and a microphone. The piracy age made it even easier to obtain a DAW for free (not legally). Along with computer recording you have plugins. Plugins are digital effects that you can put into the tracks recorded to your computer. Before you needed outboard gear, which was in between the mixer and the tape machine. Examples of these include reverb, compression, chorus, and of course my favorite...Autotune. More on Autotune later.
So now that you're well on your way to becoming a studio guru, I'll explain my feelings towards the digital age. I wasn't alive for the majority of the analog tape age, and when I started getting into recording, it was mostly digital. I have, however, done my fair share of recording on tape. First things first. Digital wins. In almost every aspect. But almost everything good about it, is also annoying to me. As in almost every profession, you want to be the best. If not, you need to find another career. One of the things that bugs me the most is people that take shortcuts and are considered better. There weren't many shortcuts with tape. You got what you tracked. But with digital, you can take an awful sound and turn it into a hit. I'll try to do this without calling people out in case I need the connections later, but I'll show you some examples of these shortcuts.
If you ever listen to an album in the pop/punk/alternative genre, you will find that a lot of things are very compressed. Compression, in short, brings the low volumes up and the high volumes down. Compression is a great tool. But some people use it as shortcuts, on vocals especially. A quick way to ensure that your vocals stand out in the mix the entire time is to throw a bunch of compression on them. While this works, it is a cheap and lazy shortcut. The outcome is something only a few people notice, but I find it atrocious. What do you get? A very squashed vocal track with no dynamics. Meaning a breath or sibilance (that annoying ess sound) is just as loud as a scream. Since the average consumer cannot tell a difference, they get away with it. But for me, it's kept me from enjoying otherwise great albums. The non-shortcut way is to go in and automate the notes. Automation is drawing out the volumes manually. So if a certain note isn't loud enough, bring up the volume. If something is too loud, bring it down. This keeps a more natural sound and doesn't squash the loud notes.
Another shortcut is Autotune. If you don't know what Autotune is by now, you can turn on any rap or R&B station and hear it on practically every song. Autotune, in short, reads the frequency of the pitch and tunes it to the desired note. It was created to help vocalists, but was first used as an effect by Cher in that Do You Believe In Love song. I hope it's stuck in your head the rest of the day. I don't have a problem with Autotune. I really don't. It's a great software. I do have a problem with it's overuse, just like compression. It is now a shortcut. The shortcut I'm talking about at the moment deals with using Autotune as a pitch correcter, not an effect. There are other ways of tuning vocals without Autotune. Melodyne is one of them. The difference being, in Melodyne, you manually tune the vocals. I've even heard people shortcut Melodyne. There are so many things you can do to each and every note. You can split it, you can tune it, you can change the modulation, you can change the pitch drift, you can change the amplitude, you can change the formant, and you can move notes. But it also includes a correct all button. Which is essentially Autotune. People use this. And they get by. Because the average consumer cannot tell a difference. Well what's the difference, you ask? Every voice is different. Every note is sang differently. Some of them have vibrato, some of them are loud, some of them are soft. If you treat each note the same, you will have some funky vibrato going on, weird pitch changed, and things that just don't sound natural. An example of this is that Airplanes song with Hayley Williams from Paramore. If you listen closely, her vibrato is weird, and you can practically hear the computer changing the notes for her. She is an incredible singer and probably need little to no tuning. But it was slapped on there anyway. Any more and it would have been there clearly as an effect. But I don't think it was intended to be that way.
Now onto Autotune as an effect. Is this old to anyone else yet? You can literally turn on a rap station and hear it on every song that has a melody. My problem with this? It's become a shortcut for people that don't know how to write a good song. They rely on Autotune. It's like the modern day key change. It's almost like the following conversation happens.
Artist: "Hey, this song is boring. What should we do?"
Producer: "Uh...how about Autotune!"
Next scene...number one on the charts.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that people still buy into this. It literally takes 0 talent to sing with Autotune. Since you can also pick the notes as well as have the correction, anyone can walk up to a microphone, sing one note the entire time, and turn it into a melody. I'm not lying. It's that good. While I do admit that some of the Autotune stuff is pretty catchy, I think it's taken away from real talent. Why are they Autotuning Usher? People argue that it makes the song catchier, but how far will it go? You can't tell who can sing and who can't anymore. It's whoever has the connections and the money. I will make a bet with anyone will challenge me. Come record with me and do your worst. Sing out of key. Sing monotone. Or just kind of talk. I will make it sound like a hit record.
So why the fuss? To be honest, because I'm jealous. These are only a few examples of shortcuts. And the people that use them are more successful than me. And I've never been one to get angry or dislike people that are successful. If you can cheat the system and make money...do it. You're making money. My problem boils down to this. Rick Hall once said, "A good engineer might notice, but a girl with a $20 dollar bill won't." And that's the truth. People are eating up, in my opinion, talentless, absolute crap. A producer that knows how to hit the record button and use Autotune can get rich. And I'm not saying there aren't producers out there that are great. I'm saying anyone can do it. If people are buying it, why stop?
But that is also the reason why digital recording is great. Without it, I wouldn't be able to do what I do. There is no way I could have afforded a 24 track tape machine, outboard gear, a DAT machine, and buy the tapes I need for every session. I use these plugins. I use compression. I tune vocals. I do all of this. I just don't shortcut it. So in the end, I don't really care. This fad will fade out and people will realize the songs aren't all that great anymore. There's no creativity to it anymore. All I have to do is suck it up until someone that knows a good mix hears my stuff. But knowing what a good mix sounds like kind of sucks when I listen to music. I can't listen to some stuff without hearing these shortcuts. My friends can't stand it. They hear a good song. I hear the crap behind it. I hear the over compressed vocals. The squashed master that leaves the song completely anti-dynamic. The botched tunings. The overuse of reverb. I like to compare it to someone playing Street Fighter. You can get by just mashing random buttons. Some people can be pretty good at it. Then some people know what each button does. Every attack. Every combo. When they get beat by a button masher, they can't help but be mad. They beat you. But in your mind, they cheated. Sounds kind of dumb. But it's true. I'm getting beat by button mashers. If you're interested in hearing what I'm talking about, send me a comment. I don't feel like publicly calling out producers and engineers. But next time you listen to a song...listen closer. And seriously...hurry up and end, Autotune fad. You are annoying.
If you don't know what digital recording is, it's recording onto a hard drive of some type. Before that, all they had was tape. To clear things up, I don't mean digital recording literally as 1's and 0's because that was invented a long time ago. I'm talking about recording to a hard drive rather than tape.
It started around 1995 when digital hard drive recorders became cheap. At first, they sounded pretty awful as analog to digital conversion was not grasped very well. Around the century turn, people started using computers for recording. Here's a very stripped down version of how it works: The microphone picks up to the sound and transmits it to a mixer. The analog signal is then sent out of a mixer into an analog to digital converter. Here, as the name suggests, the signal is changed from analog to digital and then recorded onto the hard drive of the computer. (Before a tape machine took the place of the converter and the sound remained analog). This breakthrough allowed almost anyone to cheaply have a recording studio in their bedroom. All you needed was a computer, a digital audio workstation (DAW for short, the software on your computer that reads and writes the audio files), a converter, and a microphone. The piracy age made it even easier to obtain a DAW for free (not legally). Along with computer recording you have plugins. Plugins are digital effects that you can put into the tracks recorded to your computer. Before you needed outboard gear, which was in between the mixer and the tape machine. Examples of these include reverb, compression, chorus, and of course my favorite...Autotune. More on Autotune later.
So now that you're well on your way to becoming a studio guru, I'll explain my feelings towards the digital age. I wasn't alive for the majority of the analog tape age, and when I started getting into recording, it was mostly digital. I have, however, done my fair share of recording on tape. First things first. Digital wins. In almost every aspect. But almost everything good about it, is also annoying to me. As in almost every profession, you want to be the best. If not, you need to find another career. One of the things that bugs me the most is people that take shortcuts and are considered better. There weren't many shortcuts with tape. You got what you tracked. But with digital, you can take an awful sound and turn it into a hit. I'll try to do this without calling people out in case I need the connections later, but I'll show you some examples of these shortcuts.
If you ever listen to an album in the pop/punk/alternative genre, you will find that a lot of things are very compressed. Compression, in short, brings the low volumes up and the high volumes down. Compression is a great tool. But some people use it as shortcuts, on vocals especially. A quick way to ensure that your vocals stand out in the mix the entire time is to throw a bunch of compression on them. While this works, it is a cheap and lazy shortcut. The outcome is something only a few people notice, but I find it atrocious. What do you get? A very squashed vocal track with no dynamics. Meaning a breath or sibilance (that annoying ess sound) is just as loud as a scream. Since the average consumer cannot tell a difference, they get away with it. But for me, it's kept me from enjoying otherwise great albums. The non-shortcut way is to go in and automate the notes. Automation is drawing out the volumes manually. So if a certain note isn't loud enough, bring up the volume. If something is too loud, bring it down. This keeps a more natural sound and doesn't squash the loud notes.
Another shortcut is Autotune. If you don't know what Autotune is by now, you can turn on any rap or R&B station and hear it on practically every song. Autotune, in short, reads the frequency of the pitch and tunes it to the desired note. It was created to help vocalists, but was first used as an effect by Cher in that Do You Believe In Love song. I hope it's stuck in your head the rest of the day. I don't have a problem with Autotune. I really don't. It's a great software. I do have a problem with it's overuse, just like compression. It is now a shortcut. The shortcut I'm talking about at the moment deals with using Autotune as a pitch correcter, not an effect. There are other ways of tuning vocals without Autotune. Melodyne is one of them. The difference being, in Melodyne, you manually tune the vocals. I've even heard people shortcut Melodyne. There are so many things you can do to each and every note. You can split it, you can tune it, you can change the modulation, you can change the pitch drift, you can change the amplitude, you can change the formant, and you can move notes. But it also includes a correct all button. Which is essentially Autotune. People use this. And they get by. Because the average consumer cannot tell a difference. Well what's the difference, you ask? Every voice is different. Every note is sang differently. Some of them have vibrato, some of them are loud, some of them are soft. If you treat each note the same, you will have some funky vibrato going on, weird pitch changed, and things that just don't sound natural. An example of this is that Airplanes song with Hayley Williams from Paramore. If you listen closely, her vibrato is weird, and you can practically hear the computer changing the notes for her. She is an incredible singer and probably need little to no tuning. But it was slapped on there anyway. Any more and it would have been there clearly as an effect. But I don't think it was intended to be that way.
Now onto Autotune as an effect. Is this old to anyone else yet? You can literally turn on a rap station and hear it on every song that has a melody. My problem with this? It's become a shortcut for people that don't know how to write a good song. They rely on Autotune. It's like the modern day key change. It's almost like the following conversation happens.
Artist: "Hey, this song is boring. What should we do?"
Producer: "Uh...how about Autotune!"
Next scene...number one on the charts.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that people still buy into this. It literally takes 0 talent to sing with Autotune. Since you can also pick the notes as well as have the correction, anyone can walk up to a microphone, sing one note the entire time, and turn it into a melody. I'm not lying. It's that good. While I do admit that some of the Autotune stuff is pretty catchy, I think it's taken away from real talent. Why are they Autotuning Usher? People argue that it makes the song catchier, but how far will it go? You can't tell who can sing and who can't anymore. It's whoever has the connections and the money. I will make a bet with anyone will challenge me. Come record with me and do your worst. Sing out of key. Sing monotone. Or just kind of talk. I will make it sound like a hit record.
So why the fuss? To be honest, because I'm jealous. These are only a few examples of shortcuts. And the people that use them are more successful than me. And I've never been one to get angry or dislike people that are successful. If you can cheat the system and make money...do it. You're making money. My problem boils down to this. Rick Hall once said, "A good engineer might notice, but a girl with a $20 dollar bill won't." And that's the truth. People are eating up, in my opinion, talentless, absolute crap. A producer that knows how to hit the record button and use Autotune can get rich. And I'm not saying there aren't producers out there that are great. I'm saying anyone can do it. If people are buying it, why stop?
But that is also the reason why digital recording is great. Without it, I wouldn't be able to do what I do. There is no way I could have afforded a 24 track tape machine, outboard gear, a DAT machine, and buy the tapes I need for every session. I use these plugins. I use compression. I tune vocals. I do all of this. I just don't shortcut it. So in the end, I don't really care. This fad will fade out and people will realize the songs aren't all that great anymore. There's no creativity to it anymore. All I have to do is suck it up until someone that knows a good mix hears my stuff. But knowing what a good mix sounds like kind of sucks when I listen to music. I can't listen to some stuff without hearing these shortcuts. My friends can't stand it. They hear a good song. I hear the crap behind it. I hear the over compressed vocals. The squashed master that leaves the song completely anti-dynamic. The botched tunings. The overuse of reverb. I like to compare it to someone playing Street Fighter. You can get by just mashing random buttons. Some people can be pretty good at it. Then some people know what each button does. Every attack. Every combo. When they get beat by a button masher, they can't help but be mad. They beat you. But in your mind, they cheated. Sounds kind of dumb. But it's true. I'm getting beat by button mashers. If you're interested in hearing what I'm talking about, send me a comment. I don't feel like publicly calling out producers and engineers. But next time you listen to a song...listen closer. And seriously...hurry up and end, Autotune fad. You are annoying.
7.10.10
Invented: Album Review
So here goes my first attempt at an album review from an engineers standpoint. Good thing Jimmy's mixes are near perfect so I can focus on the music and not be bothered with over-compressing and bad tuning.
Artist: Jimmy Eat World
Album: Invented
Heart Is Hard To Find
Wow. This song is incredible. Quickly jumps to the top of all time favorite Jimmy songs. The guitars are crisp. Sounds like SM81's. Two tracks panned hard left and right. I could be wrong, but each hand clap sounds different. No looping. It gives it a more real feel. The strings that come sound amazing. I really like the way the oohs, ahhs, la's, and na's in the background compliment the strings rather than overshadow. Aside from a perfect mix, the production in this song could not have been done any better. There is not a thing I would change about it. Very simple chorus lyrically, but gets the point across and stays in your head.
My Best Theory
Distorted bass guitar? Whatever works, I guess. This song isn't my favorite on the album, but good nonetheless. I like how the song is not chord driven. The chorus is made up of a note riff. Ooh, nice use of panning in the bridge. The harmonies are panned a little bit right and the lead is left. And now that I notice, in the chorus too. There's a lot of vocal layering. It's hard to keep up with it in one pass. Overall a good song. I never lose interest. But I don't think it's a chorus that will stick with me. For the style of the song, melody is key.
Evidence
I think Jimmy proves that they are kings of ambient background noise in the beginning of this song. There are so many things going on in the background that are mostly unnoticeable, but add some elements. 2nd verse has two riffs going on. One on an electric guitar in the left ear, and one on an acoustic in the right. Meanwhile, a slightly distorted guitar is keeping the chord structure with the bass right in the middle. Great way of filling out the verse. I love the guitar tone in the heavy after-verse, but don't really care for the way it goes nowhere. I feel like there should be some vocals or something there. The bridge is kind of boring and filler. Musically, this song is great. Vocal wise, I would have changed a few things. But the music makes up for it.
Higher Devotion
Explosive vocals right off the bat. These sci-fi noises going back and forth in the verses are cool. I don't like the high octave part in the chorus. Reminds me of that "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" song. Nice use of guitar panning after the second chorus. I think this is probably my least favorite on the album. Not a necessarily a skip song. But one I find to be the least creative.
Movielike
Love it. Same acoustic guitar setup as Heart Is Hard To Find. It sounds like they are only hitting one guitar note instead of a chord in the chorus. I like that for this song. It gives it a feeling of driving, but not loud. Also, the claps go from fake to real in the first chorus. But they aren't here now? Then come back after the second chorus. Then go away again. The claps are pretty random, but it works. I again like the use of vocal layering, especially in the bridge. It's cool how they use a bunch of voices without making it sound epic. I really like the vocal melody. Not really catchy, but pretty. The ending is good. Nice fade.
Coffee and Cigarettes
Love the lyrics to this song. This is probably my second favorite on the album. Side note, Otis Redding recorded at FAME. I've tracked on the same console and used the same mic that he did. That's kind of cool that they mention him. I guess I like this song so much because I've always wanted to go out west on a road trip. To not have debt or obligations. Just get in a van and go. It makes you appreciate the simple things in life and really reminds me of the book Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. Again with the vocal layering in the chorus. It makes it sound huge. The use of Courtney Marie Andrews is great. She has a very pretty voice, but it's not too powerful or distracting.
Stop
Courtney's voice is so perfect for these songs. I like how this song slows down the tempo of the album, but keeps it driving. I think Jimmy can drive slow and softer songs better than anyone else. Open high hat in the bridge sounds kind of funny to me. Maybe should have gone with a ride cymbal or something there. I like the line, "You want to make me mad? Stop cause I am." Nice reverse cymbal on the end to tie the song off.
Littlething
Reminds me a bit of Dizzy from the last album. Has that same driving feel to it. The guitars are pretty gainy but are in the background until the chorus. I love their mixes. In the chorus, it's pretty heavy, but you can still clearly hear the piano riff that's slightly panned right. I like how it continues in a lower octave throughout the verse. Oh, there goes the album name. Second verse. The strings sound awesome. If those are virtual, I want to find out what they're using. But there's no way. Those have to be real. The string arrangement on the last chorus is great along with the snare hits on 2, 3, and 4. Good driving song.
Cut
Is that a Hammond I hear? Has to be. I can hear the Leslie. I really like the drums on this. Very simple, yet adds just enough. And by drums I mean toms. The shaker/tambourine combo fills up the rest of it. Adding the snare on the chorus gives it that extra boost it needs. That really epic reverb snare. Really like that chord that goes out of the key halfway through the chorus. Those ahhs sound really epic.
Action Needs an Audience
Ah, another loud song. I like how Tom is singing the leads. It adds something different. Especially since he hasn't sang a lead part since Clarity. But after hearing this song, I am glad they switched to Jim. He fits this song, but would not on the rest. Guitars are doubled and panned hard left and right. That really fills it out without muddying up the mix. Near the end of this song, I'm starting to miss Jim.
Invented
The acoustic songs on this album are my favorite from any album. This song slows the tempo back down and goes back to that Jimmy ballad feel. I don't know what that noise is before the chorus. I guess it was intended since they didn't cut it out. Makes it sound more real I guess. I like how Courtney sings in this song. Her voice really adds the prettiness to the song. I like the high/low passes on the acoustics after the break in the music. It's cool how this song is 7 minutes long, but you stay attached the whole time. Very pretty song.
Mixtape
Ok, that's definitely a Hammond and Leslie. Wouldn't be surprised if it were a B3. I really like that 16th note tambourine part with the accents on the downbeats. Then it transfers to a shaker playing the same part in the opposite ear. The ambient noise in the background is nice. Very raw feel to it. No vocal layering besides a bit of harmony. I really like that simple guitar riff after the chorus that the drums come in. Couldn't be an easier part, but couldn't fit the song better. Now there's a tambourine/shaker combo. Playing the same part, but panned in different ears. That kick drum sounds so huge. If they got that room sound without sampling, I am very impressed. This, like the previous song, is long but never let's up. It keeps you interested until the very end. Cool how they bring back the ha ha's.
There are many reasons I like Jimmy so much. The first is that they are the best at what they do. They don't have many "rocking" songs, but they all drive. And when they need to be, they are all powerful. The second reason is that I don't think another band has a better mix. Everything about it is incredible. The drums pop, the guitars are powerful, and the bass always fits in there perfectly. It amazes me that they can use all the instruments and layering that they do without it sounding cluttered. I'm really glad they brought Mark Trombino back in. He has produced some of my favorite albums including Bleed American. The most impressive thing about Jimmy Eat World is the fact that from Static Prevails to Invented, all of the albums have been incredible. So many bands have dropped on the favorites list because of not so great albums, but Jimmy keeps it going with another great one. I love the visualizations I get from this. With his story-telling type lyrics, I almost feel like I'm watching a movie with some of the songs. I still don't know if I like this better than Chase This Light. But I still don't know if I like Chase This Light better than Futures.
Final score: 8 out of 10.
Artist: Jimmy Eat World
Album: Invented
Heart Is Hard To Find
Wow. This song is incredible. Quickly jumps to the top of all time favorite Jimmy songs. The guitars are crisp. Sounds like SM81's. Two tracks panned hard left and right. I could be wrong, but each hand clap sounds different. No looping. It gives it a more real feel. The strings that come sound amazing. I really like the way the oohs, ahhs, la's, and na's in the background compliment the strings rather than overshadow. Aside from a perfect mix, the production in this song could not have been done any better. There is not a thing I would change about it. Very simple chorus lyrically, but gets the point across and stays in your head.
My Best Theory
Distorted bass guitar? Whatever works, I guess. This song isn't my favorite on the album, but good nonetheless. I like how the song is not chord driven. The chorus is made up of a note riff. Ooh, nice use of panning in the bridge. The harmonies are panned a little bit right and the lead is left. And now that I notice, in the chorus too. There's a lot of vocal layering. It's hard to keep up with it in one pass. Overall a good song. I never lose interest. But I don't think it's a chorus that will stick with me. For the style of the song, melody is key.
Evidence
I think Jimmy proves that they are kings of ambient background noise in the beginning of this song. There are so many things going on in the background that are mostly unnoticeable, but add some elements. 2nd verse has two riffs going on. One on an electric guitar in the left ear, and one on an acoustic in the right. Meanwhile, a slightly distorted guitar is keeping the chord structure with the bass right in the middle. Great way of filling out the verse. I love the guitar tone in the heavy after-verse, but don't really care for the way it goes nowhere. I feel like there should be some vocals or something there. The bridge is kind of boring and filler. Musically, this song is great. Vocal wise, I would have changed a few things. But the music makes up for it.
Higher Devotion
Explosive vocals right off the bat. These sci-fi noises going back and forth in the verses are cool. I don't like the high octave part in the chorus. Reminds me of that "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" song. Nice use of guitar panning after the second chorus. I think this is probably my least favorite on the album. Not a necessarily a skip song. But one I find to be the least creative.
Movielike
Love it. Same acoustic guitar setup as Heart Is Hard To Find. It sounds like they are only hitting one guitar note instead of a chord in the chorus. I like that for this song. It gives it a feeling of driving, but not loud. Also, the claps go from fake to real in the first chorus. But they aren't here now? Then come back after the second chorus. Then go away again. The claps are pretty random, but it works. I again like the use of vocal layering, especially in the bridge. It's cool how they use a bunch of voices without making it sound epic. I really like the vocal melody. Not really catchy, but pretty. The ending is good. Nice fade.
Coffee and Cigarettes
Love the lyrics to this song. This is probably my second favorite on the album. Side note, Otis Redding recorded at FAME. I've tracked on the same console and used the same mic that he did. That's kind of cool that they mention him. I guess I like this song so much because I've always wanted to go out west on a road trip. To not have debt or obligations. Just get in a van and go. It makes you appreciate the simple things in life and really reminds me of the book Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. Again with the vocal layering in the chorus. It makes it sound huge. The use of Courtney Marie Andrews is great. She has a very pretty voice, but it's not too powerful or distracting.
Stop
Courtney's voice is so perfect for these songs. I like how this song slows down the tempo of the album, but keeps it driving. I think Jimmy can drive slow and softer songs better than anyone else. Open high hat in the bridge sounds kind of funny to me. Maybe should have gone with a ride cymbal or something there. I like the line, "You want to make me mad? Stop cause I am." Nice reverse cymbal on the end to tie the song off.
Littlething
Reminds me a bit of Dizzy from the last album. Has that same driving feel to it. The guitars are pretty gainy but are in the background until the chorus. I love their mixes. In the chorus, it's pretty heavy, but you can still clearly hear the piano riff that's slightly panned right. I like how it continues in a lower octave throughout the verse. Oh, there goes the album name. Second verse. The strings sound awesome. If those are virtual, I want to find out what they're using. But there's no way. Those have to be real. The string arrangement on the last chorus is great along with the snare hits on 2, 3, and 4. Good driving song.
Cut
Is that a Hammond I hear? Has to be. I can hear the Leslie. I really like the drums on this. Very simple, yet adds just enough. And by drums I mean toms. The shaker/tambourine combo fills up the rest of it. Adding the snare on the chorus gives it that extra boost it needs. That really epic reverb snare. Really like that chord that goes out of the key halfway through the chorus. Those ahhs sound really epic.
Action Needs an Audience
Ah, another loud song. I like how Tom is singing the leads. It adds something different. Especially since he hasn't sang a lead part since Clarity. But after hearing this song, I am glad they switched to Jim. He fits this song, but would not on the rest. Guitars are doubled and panned hard left and right. That really fills it out without muddying up the mix. Near the end of this song, I'm starting to miss Jim.
Invented
The acoustic songs on this album are my favorite from any album. This song slows the tempo back down and goes back to that Jimmy ballad feel. I don't know what that noise is before the chorus. I guess it was intended since they didn't cut it out. Makes it sound more real I guess. I like how Courtney sings in this song. Her voice really adds the prettiness to the song. I like the high/low passes on the acoustics after the break in the music. It's cool how this song is 7 minutes long, but you stay attached the whole time. Very pretty song.
Mixtape
Ok, that's definitely a Hammond and Leslie. Wouldn't be surprised if it were a B3. I really like that 16th note tambourine part with the accents on the downbeats. Then it transfers to a shaker playing the same part in the opposite ear. The ambient noise in the background is nice. Very raw feel to it. No vocal layering besides a bit of harmony. I really like that simple guitar riff after the chorus that the drums come in. Couldn't be an easier part, but couldn't fit the song better. Now there's a tambourine/shaker combo. Playing the same part, but panned in different ears. That kick drum sounds so huge. If they got that room sound without sampling, I am very impressed. This, like the previous song, is long but never let's up. It keeps you interested until the very end. Cool how they bring back the ha ha's.
There are many reasons I like Jimmy so much. The first is that they are the best at what they do. They don't have many "rocking" songs, but they all drive. And when they need to be, they are all powerful. The second reason is that I don't think another band has a better mix. Everything about it is incredible. The drums pop, the guitars are powerful, and the bass always fits in there perfectly. It amazes me that they can use all the instruments and layering that they do without it sounding cluttered. I'm really glad they brought Mark Trombino back in. He has produced some of my favorite albums including Bleed American. The most impressive thing about Jimmy Eat World is the fact that from Static Prevails to Invented, all of the albums have been incredible. So many bands have dropped on the favorites list because of not so great albums, but Jimmy keeps it going with another great one. I love the visualizations I get from this. With his story-telling type lyrics, I almost feel like I'm watching a movie with some of the songs. I still don't know if I like this better than Chase This Light. But I still don't know if I like Chase This Light better than Futures.
Final score: 8 out of 10.
4.10.10
Part 4 - Barack Obama is not the Antichrist
As the title suggests, this is more of a history lesson than anything. It's what I discovered when I decided to research religion in itself. An attempt to answer the "which one is right" question. Instead, I got into prophecies. I think it's cool to see things that have historically come true. I based most of it from the bible, so maybe it's biased, but the bible is pretty historically accurate. If you don't believe in the bible, then you should just go ahead and skip this whole thing. I'll break down the basics of what I learned.
First of all, the split of religion came from Abraham. The three that came out were Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. The descendants being Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad. God promised Abraham many descendants, of which would become kings of many nations. His wife, Sarah, was barren and could not conceive. So she became impatient and had Abraham conceive with their servant, Hagar. Thus came Ishmael. One of his 12 sons was Kedar and one of Kedar, and from him came Muhammad. This is where the nation of Islam came from. After Abraham and Sarah's first son Isaac was born, Ishmael began to feel envious towards his brother and thus was the beginning of the conflict between religions. So yes. The reason that there is war in the middle east is because Sarah tried to help God because she didn't believe she could have kids. Women always making things worse...kidding. Don't get mad.
The next interesting thing was the interpretations of King Nebuchadnezzar's dreams by Daniel. King Nebuchadnezzar was the king of Babylon. He had a dream of an image with a head of gold, breasts of arms and silver, belly of thighs and brass, and legs of iron and feet of iron mingled with clay. The following verses describe the interpretation:
Daniel 2:37 Thou, O king, art a king of kings: for the God of heaven hath given thee a kingdom, power, and strength, and glory.
Daniel 2:38 And wheresoever the children of men dwell, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the heaven hath he given into thine hand, and hath made thee ruler over them all. Thou art this head of gold.
Daniel 2:39 And after thee shall arise another kingdom inferior to thee, and another third kingdom of brass, which shall bear rule over all the earth.
Daniel 2:40 And the fourth kingdom shall be strong as iron: forasmuch as iron breaketh in pieces and subdueth all things: and as iron that breaketh all these, shall it break in pieces and bruise.
Without going into detail (I can but for your sake and the sake of my fingers, I will not) the four kingdoms represented are Babylon, Medes Persians, Greeks, and Romans in that respected order. All of these kingdoms fell according to the history books. The history books state that the last one, Rome, fell in 476 AD. But it did not. Rome still has one of the greatest kingdoms in the world. The Roman Catholic Church.
This brings me to Revelations 17. I liked reading the end of the world stuff. Here are the verses.
1One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and said to me, "Come, I will show you the punishment of the great prostitute, who sits on many waters. 2With her the kings of the earth committed adultery and the inhabitants of the earth were intoxicated with the wine of her adulteries."
3Then the angel carried me away in the Spirit into a desert. There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and had seven heads and ten horns. 4The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, precious stones and pearls. She held a golden cup in her hand, filled with abominable things and the filth of her adulteries. 5This title was written on her forehead:
MYSTERY
BABYLON THE GREAT
THE MOTHER OF PROSTITUTES
AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. 6I saw that the woman was drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of those who bore testimony to Jesus.
When I saw her, I was greatly astonished. 7Then the angel said to me: "Why are you astonished? I will explain to you the mystery of the woman and of the beast she rides, which has the seven heads and ten horns. 8The beast, which you saw, once was, now is not, and will come up out of the Abyss and go to his destruction. The inhabitants of the earth whose names have not been written in the book of life from the creation of the world will be astonished when they see the beast, because he once was, now is not, and yet will come.
9"This calls for a mind with wisdom. The seven heads are seven hills on which the woman sits. 10They are also seven kings. Five have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come; but when he does come, he must remain for a little while. 11The beast who once was, and now is not, is an eighth king. He belongs to the seven and is going to his destruction.
Ok. My quick breakdown. I could probably write a mini series on this in itself, but I will try to hit the high points. Note the my. Meaning I am not stating this as fact, only what I believe. Also, Revelations 13 is equally important, but if you are truly interested in this, you should read it for yourself. The whore was named Babylon. If you trace that back to the interpretations of Daniel, you can see that she represents these four kingdoms. The last one being Rome, which is the only one still in power. The part about the seven kings is what really interested me (verses 10 and 11). Five have fallen could be referring to the 5 popes that were crowned as kings since Pius XI in 1929. The 6th pope "who is" would have been John Paul II. Meaning Benedict XVI would be the other that has not yet come. So if this prophecy is indeed about the Catholic Church, we are right in the middle of it! The eight and final king would be the next pope.
To clear things up, I do not believe that the next pope will be the Antichrist. Revelation speaks of two beasts. One from the land, one from the sea. One being the false prophet and one being the Antichrist. What I have discovered is that a lot of people jump to the conclusion that the Antichrist will come from the Catholic Church because it is identified as the beast. But there are two of them. I don't really understand how people can do all this research and not realize that. I feel like I'm missing something, but after reading it over and over again, I know I'm not. Revelations 13 clearly states two beasts.
So, yes. I believe that the pope could very well be the false prophet. I can't say who the Antichrist will be. I do know that he will come from one of the Islamic nations. However you interpret Revelations and Daniel, it is clear that the Catholic Church will have something to do with the end of the world. There are a lot of other things pointing to it. I just don't have the time to break them all down. You can read for yourself if you'd like. Most of this research came from Daniel and Revelations. I do know that the Catholic Church has power. Enough power to change the Sabbath to Sunday instead of Saturday. I do know that they have over 1 billion members. That's one sixth of the world.
Maybe I'm wrong. After all, this is all interpretation. But if the current pope dies, resigns, or whatever popes do to quit soon...it might be true. As "he must remain for a little while." Anyway, thought I would share. Take it or leave it. To anyone that knows anything about this, I understand I have left a lot out. Mostly because if I mentioned it, I would have to write another three paragraphs explaining it. Part 6 will be coming soon and will wrap everything up. This was kind of a departure from the rest of it, but the reasoning will be explained in the next one. I felt like I couldn't tell the end of the story without all of that. Actually...there isn't an end yet, as I'm still alive. The end to the series, rather. And clearly...Barack Obama is not either beast. If you want to go even farther, the US won't even be around during his reign. But that's another story.
First of all, the split of religion came from Abraham. The three that came out were Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. The descendants being Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad. God promised Abraham many descendants, of which would become kings of many nations. His wife, Sarah, was barren and could not conceive. So she became impatient and had Abraham conceive with their servant, Hagar. Thus came Ishmael. One of his 12 sons was Kedar and one of Kedar, and from him came Muhammad. This is where the nation of Islam came from. After Abraham and Sarah's first son Isaac was born, Ishmael began to feel envious towards his brother and thus was the beginning of the conflict between religions. So yes. The reason that there is war in the middle east is because Sarah tried to help God because she didn't believe she could have kids. Women always making things worse...kidding. Don't get mad.
The next interesting thing was the interpretations of King Nebuchadnezzar's dreams by Daniel. King Nebuchadnezzar was the king of Babylon. He had a dream of an image with a head of gold, breasts of arms and silver, belly of thighs and brass, and legs of iron and feet of iron mingled with clay. The following verses describe the interpretation:
Daniel 2:37 Thou, O king, art a king of kings: for the God of heaven hath given thee a kingdom, power, and strength, and glory.
Daniel 2:38 And wheresoever the children of men dwell, the beasts of the field and the fowls of the heaven hath he given into thine hand, and hath made thee ruler over them all. Thou art this head of gold.
Daniel 2:39 And after thee shall arise another kingdom inferior to thee, and another third kingdom of brass, which shall bear rule over all the earth.
Daniel 2:40 And the fourth kingdom shall be strong as iron: forasmuch as iron breaketh in pieces and subdueth all things: and as iron that breaketh all these, shall it break in pieces and bruise.
Without going into detail (I can but for your sake and the sake of my fingers, I will not) the four kingdoms represented are Babylon, Medes Persians, Greeks, and Romans in that respected order. All of these kingdoms fell according to the history books. The history books state that the last one, Rome, fell in 476 AD. But it did not. Rome still has one of the greatest kingdoms in the world. The Roman Catholic Church.
This brings me to Revelations 17. I liked reading the end of the world stuff. Here are the verses.
1One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls came and said to me, "Come, I will show you the punishment of the great prostitute, who sits on many waters. 2With her the kings of the earth committed adultery and the inhabitants of the earth were intoxicated with the wine of her adulteries."
3Then the angel carried me away in the Spirit into a desert. There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and had seven heads and ten horns. 4The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, precious stones and pearls. She held a golden cup in her hand, filled with abominable things and the filth of her adulteries. 5This title was written on her forehead:
MYSTERY
BABYLON THE GREAT
THE MOTHER OF PROSTITUTES
AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. 6I saw that the woman was drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of those who bore testimony to Jesus.
When I saw her, I was greatly astonished. 7Then the angel said to me: "Why are you astonished? I will explain to you the mystery of the woman and of the beast she rides, which has the seven heads and ten horns. 8The beast, which you saw, once was, now is not, and will come up out of the Abyss and go to his destruction. The inhabitants of the earth whose names have not been written in the book of life from the creation of the world will be astonished when they see the beast, because he once was, now is not, and yet will come.
9"This calls for a mind with wisdom. The seven heads are seven hills on which the woman sits. 10They are also seven kings. Five have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come; but when he does come, he must remain for a little while. 11The beast who once was, and now is not, is an eighth king. He belongs to the seven and is going to his destruction.
Ok. My quick breakdown. I could probably write a mini series on this in itself, but I will try to hit the high points. Note the my. Meaning I am not stating this as fact, only what I believe. Also, Revelations 13 is equally important, but if you are truly interested in this, you should read it for yourself. The whore was named Babylon. If you trace that back to the interpretations of Daniel, you can see that she represents these four kingdoms. The last one being Rome, which is the only one still in power. The part about the seven kings is what really interested me (verses 10 and 11). Five have fallen could be referring to the 5 popes that were crowned as kings since Pius XI in 1929. The 6th pope "who is" would have been John Paul II. Meaning Benedict XVI would be the other that has not yet come. So if this prophecy is indeed about the Catholic Church, we are right in the middle of it! The eight and final king would be the next pope.
To clear things up, I do not believe that the next pope will be the Antichrist. Revelation speaks of two beasts. One from the land, one from the sea. One being the false prophet and one being the Antichrist. What I have discovered is that a lot of people jump to the conclusion that the Antichrist will come from the Catholic Church because it is identified as the beast. But there are two of them. I don't really understand how people can do all this research and not realize that. I feel like I'm missing something, but after reading it over and over again, I know I'm not. Revelations 13 clearly states two beasts.
So, yes. I believe that the pope could very well be the false prophet. I can't say who the Antichrist will be. I do know that he will come from one of the Islamic nations. However you interpret Revelations and Daniel, it is clear that the Catholic Church will have something to do with the end of the world. There are a lot of other things pointing to it. I just don't have the time to break them all down. You can read for yourself if you'd like. Most of this research came from Daniel and Revelations. I do know that the Catholic Church has power. Enough power to change the Sabbath to Sunday instead of Saturday. I do know that they have over 1 billion members. That's one sixth of the world.
Maybe I'm wrong. After all, this is all interpretation. But if the current pope dies, resigns, or whatever popes do to quit soon...it might be true. As "he must remain for a little while." Anyway, thought I would share. Take it or leave it. To anyone that knows anything about this, I understand I have left a lot out. Mostly because if I mentioned it, I would have to write another three paragraphs explaining it. Part 6 will be coming soon and will wrap everything up. This was kind of a departure from the rest of it, but the reasoning will be explained in the next one. I felt like I couldn't tell the end of the story without all of that. Actually...there isn't an end yet, as I'm still alive. The end to the series, rather. And clearly...Barack Obama is not either beast. If you want to go even farther, the US won't even be around during his reign. But that's another story.
3.10.10
Open your eyes.
Ok. The mini-series is on hold. Partly because I made the mistake of writing 4 of them while I had no internet and was very bored and jobless. I haven't gotten around to it, and for that I apologize. I have something else I want to talk about though. I had one of those experiences tonight in which words will not justify. But I'm going to try. And I'm really upset that computers don't autocorrect contractions like iPhones do. More work for me.
If you know me, you know that I over-analyze everything. And by everything, I mean just that. A light bulb is not just a source of light, it is a bulb that holds filament that electricity runs through and creates light through resistance. I see a car and I see sparks igniting, pistons turning, and a transmission moving the wheels. This also applies to my social life. I'll take one sentence that someone says and break it down to every possible meaning. I boil down the pros and cons of every relationship. I like to figure out how people think. I hate it sometimes because I can't just see a computer and say, "It's a box thingy that lets you get on the internets." One thing I still can't wrap my head around is creation itself. It is a truly beautiful and wonderful thing.
I'll paint the scene. I was driving home from Florence around the Rogersville area and happened to glance up at the sky. After seeing more stars than I ever get the chance to see, I felt the urge to pull over. So I did. Using the hood of my car for warmth, I laid on top and just stared into the abyss. Jimmy Eat World barely audible from the car speakers. To the east, I could see the glow of Huntsville and Decatur and to the west, Florence barely making a light. Straight up was an array of stars that just blew my mind. Naturally I started analyzing things but ended up with nothing, so I did something I never do. I stopped. And just took it all in. Stopped asking questions. Stopped trying to figure things out. Just took 10 minutes out of my life and stared. It was beautiful. All of the things going on in my life, good or bad, didn't exist. I realized that you don't have to go to Portland or New Zealand to see beauty. It exists all around us. Some of the most serene things are in my own backyard or on the side of the road. I'm just always to "busy" to notice it. I put busy in quotes because no matter how busy I am, I still waste time. How much time do I spend checking facebook? Or daydreaming about the day that I have enough money to move away and experience something. Why can't I experience something now? Those 10 minutes I spent staring at the stars gave me more peace than almost anything I have ever felt in my life.
I don't get it. I don't understand why we're so driven to "succeed" that we forget to stop and appreciate creation as it is. Every time I do something like this, I keep telling myself I need to continue. To take time out of the day. But I don't. I just keep worrying about what I'm going to eat later, or how I'm going to pay off all of my debt. That's one thing I can't grasp. How the most serene things are all around me, but I can't ever find them. Because I never look. Open your eyes.
If you know me, you know that I over-analyze everything. And by everything, I mean just that. A light bulb is not just a source of light, it is a bulb that holds filament that electricity runs through and creates light through resistance. I see a car and I see sparks igniting, pistons turning, and a transmission moving the wheels. This also applies to my social life. I'll take one sentence that someone says and break it down to every possible meaning. I boil down the pros and cons of every relationship. I like to figure out how people think. I hate it sometimes because I can't just see a computer and say, "It's a box thingy that lets you get on the internets." One thing I still can't wrap my head around is creation itself. It is a truly beautiful and wonderful thing.
I'll paint the scene. I was driving home from Florence around the Rogersville area and happened to glance up at the sky. After seeing more stars than I ever get the chance to see, I felt the urge to pull over. So I did. Using the hood of my car for warmth, I laid on top and just stared into the abyss. Jimmy Eat World barely audible from the car speakers. To the east, I could see the glow of Huntsville and Decatur and to the west, Florence barely making a light. Straight up was an array of stars that just blew my mind. Naturally I started analyzing things but ended up with nothing, so I did something I never do. I stopped. And just took it all in. Stopped asking questions. Stopped trying to figure things out. Just took 10 minutes out of my life and stared. It was beautiful. All of the things going on in my life, good or bad, didn't exist. I realized that you don't have to go to Portland or New Zealand to see beauty. It exists all around us. Some of the most serene things are in my own backyard or on the side of the road. I'm just always to "busy" to notice it. I put busy in quotes because no matter how busy I am, I still waste time. How much time do I spend checking facebook? Or daydreaming about the day that I have enough money to move away and experience something. Why can't I experience something now? Those 10 minutes I spent staring at the stars gave me more peace than almost anything I have ever felt in my life.
I don't get it. I don't understand why we're so driven to "succeed" that we forget to stop and appreciate creation as it is. Every time I do something like this, I keep telling myself I need to continue. To take time out of the day. But I don't. I just keep worrying about what I'm going to eat later, or how I'm going to pay off all of my debt. That's one thing I can't grasp. How the most serene things are all around me, but I can't ever find them. Because I never look. Open your eyes.
23.9.10
9.8.10
Part 3 - If Revelations is true, I'm going to poop myself
I thought that would be a good title. Really has little to do with this post. So I'll include a subtitle.
"That one time I found out I despised organized religion"
Let it be known that I didn't start worshiping Satan. And in actuality, my life didn't really change. I just stopped trying to claim a religion. I still had a sense of right and wrong. I still tried to be a good person. I was basically an agnostic. I wanted to find God, so I started looking. I was having a few drinks with an atheist friend of mine and, knowing I had come from a religious background, asked me, "So why do people call themselves Christians and then drink, smoke, cuss, and commit other sins and then say it's ok because God forgives them? In that case, what's the point? If you're just going to be forgiven, why even bother with trying to be good?" I was speechless. That was never covered in my Sunday school classes. I started to think hard on the question and realized that I grew up in what seemed to be a mess of contradictions. I was taught not to sin, but if I did I'm forgiven. I was also taught that every sin is equal, so was drinking a beer as bad as murder in God's eyes? Then I posed the whole "Is drinking a sin" question. I mean, Jesus drank. They partied at weddings and stuff. He even secretly turned water into wine before his time for miracles because they ran out. There are bible verses saying drunkenness is wrong, then there are others that say alcohol is good. More to come on this in the final blog.
So that question burned in my head for a while. I decided to start reading the bible. Unbiased. Just read it like I'm reading it for the first time. I fell in love with the literature. It is truly a beautifully written book. I started with Revelations because I wanted to figure out more about the end of the world. It's actually very fascinating. I don't know how anyone will be able to witness all of these things without losing control of their bladder and/or bowels. Then I started spot reading. I would look through the index for something interesting and read up on it. After not getting far with that, I just started picking books. One that fit my bill was Ecclesiastes. Here is probably the richest and wisest king of all time, saying the same things that I've been thinking. It was the only part about Christianity that made any logical sense to me. No matter how much money we have, how many friends we make, or how much junk we have, none of it matters when we die. It's all vanity. I love pessimism.
Onto the next big event that made me hate religion. A preacher came to campus and basically told everyone they were going to hell. He said that he no longer sins. Just sat there all day judging people on appearance alone. Calling girls sluts for wearing shorts. No grace. No love. Just the repeated use of the H E double hockey sticks word. I stood in the back for a while and just watched the scene. Gay people were making out in front of him. People were shouting at him. People were getting angry. It was a judge fest from both sides. Youth pastors were going up to the front saying this guy was wrong, then the preacher would tell the youth pastor he was going to hell. Is this the religion I'm supposed to associate myself with? Has he ever saved one person? Has anyone ever said, "Hey, that stuff you said about me being a hopeless sinning whore that is going to hell...it really hit home. I want Jesus." Around the same time there was a group of so called Christians that would protest at soldiers funerals. They would hold signs and celebrate the fact that another soldier was dead. So let me get this straight...the guy who fights for your freedom to do just this is a sinner? This same group wanted to protest the funeral of an Auburn student who was murdered. Because apparently if you go to a secular college, you are going to hell. This made me extremely angry and sad. How can people think like this? How can they worship the same god I do? There is no way that these people can be right, yet in their own hearts and mind, they are. I couldn't imagine God smiling on people like this. The biggest question going through my mind at that moment...how can I be part of a religion that fights within itself the way this one does? I haven't done my research on this, so correct me if I'm wrong. But is there any other religion out there that has so many different sects? The street that I live off of has at least 11 churches on them. Most of them are different. Who is right? Is anyone right? Technically...every religion is just a glorified guess.
So these events brought upon even more unanswered questions. If I love God, do I have to do that? Are these people even Christians? No one goes without sin. So how come this guy is up there saying he doesn't? Why am I going to hell for having a beer, but this guy is clear even though he is constantly judging people and claiming to be sinless, which is a sin in itself? I needed answers. I was done with being oblivious and just trusting that I was doing the right thing. I wanted something to back something else up. I wanted to know why one group of Christians say it's wrong to do this and another says it's wrong to do that. So began my quest to find some kind of truth in what seemed like a huge cluster of nonsense and stupidity. This is the last blog of asking questions without answering them. I went to the root of the problem, which I will explain in my next blog. I started at the base and started researching Catholics vs Protestants. I wanted to know why the Catholic church was so big, when the bible more accurately describes a Protestant setting. If you've never done this, or heard much about it...you're going to want to read this next post.
"That one time I found out I despised organized religion"
Let it be known that I didn't start worshiping Satan. And in actuality, my life didn't really change. I just stopped trying to claim a religion. I still had a sense of right and wrong. I still tried to be a good person. I was basically an agnostic. I wanted to find God, so I started looking. I was having a few drinks with an atheist friend of mine and, knowing I had come from a religious background, asked me, "So why do people call themselves Christians and then drink, smoke, cuss, and commit other sins and then say it's ok because God forgives them? In that case, what's the point? If you're just going to be forgiven, why even bother with trying to be good?" I was speechless. That was never covered in my Sunday school classes. I started to think hard on the question and realized that I grew up in what seemed to be a mess of contradictions. I was taught not to sin, but if I did I'm forgiven. I was also taught that every sin is equal, so was drinking a beer as bad as murder in God's eyes? Then I posed the whole "Is drinking a sin" question. I mean, Jesus drank. They partied at weddings and stuff. He even secretly turned water into wine before his time for miracles because they ran out. There are bible verses saying drunkenness is wrong, then there are others that say alcohol is good. More to come on this in the final blog.
So that question burned in my head for a while. I decided to start reading the bible. Unbiased. Just read it like I'm reading it for the first time. I fell in love with the literature. It is truly a beautifully written book. I started with Revelations because I wanted to figure out more about the end of the world. It's actually very fascinating. I don't know how anyone will be able to witness all of these things without losing control of their bladder and/or bowels. Then I started spot reading. I would look through the index for something interesting and read up on it. After not getting far with that, I just started picking books. One that fit my bill was Ecclesiastes. Here is probably the richest and wisest king of all time, saying the same things that I've been thinking. It was the only part about Christianity that made any logical sense to me. No matter how much money we have, how many friends we make, or how much junk we have, none of it matters when we die. It's all vanity. I love pessimism.
Onto the next big event that made me hate religion. A preacher came to campus and basically told everyone they were going to hell. He said that he no longer sins. Just sat there all day judging people on appearance alone. Calling girls sluts for wearing shorts. No grace. No love. Just the repeated use of the H E double hockey sticks word. I stood in the back for a while and just watched the scene. Gay people were making out in front of him. People were shouting at him. People were getting angry. It was a judge fest from both sides. Youth pastors were going up to the front saying this guy was wrong, then the preacher would tell the youth pastor he was going to hell. Is this the religion I'm supposed to associate myself with? Has he ever saved one person? Has anyone ever said, "Hey, that stuff you said about me being a hopeless sinning whore that is going to hell...it really hit home. I want Jesus." Around the same time there was a group of so called Christians that would protest at soldiers funerals. They would hold signs and celebrate the fact that another soldier was dead. So let me get this straight...the guy who fights for your freedom to do just this is a sinner? This same group wanted to protest the funeral of an Auburn student who was murdered. Because apparently if you go to a secular college, you are going to hell. This made me extremely angry and sad. How can people think like this? How can they worship the same god I do? There is no way that these people can be right, yet in their own hearts and mind, they are. I couldn't imagine God smiling on people like this. The biggest question going through my mind at that moment...how can I be part of a religion that fights within itself the way this one does? I haven't done my research on this, so correct me if I'm wrong. But is there any other religion out there that has so many different sects? The street that I live off of has at least 11 churches on them. Most of them are different. Who is right? Is anyone right? Technically...every religion is just a glorified guess.
So these events brought upon even more unanswered questions. If I love God, do I have to do that? Are these people even Christians? No one goes without sin. So how come this guy is up there saying he doesn't? Why am I going to hell for having a beer, but this guy is clear even though he is constantly judging people and claiming to be sinless, which is a sin in itself? I needed answers. I was done with being oblivious and just trusting that I was doing the right thing. I wanted something to back something else up. I wanted to know why one group of Christians say it's wrong to do this and another says it's wrong to do that. So began my quest to find some kind of truth in what seemed like a huge cluster of nonsense and stupidity. This is the last blog of asking questions without answering them. I went to the root of the problem, which I will explain in my next blog. I started at the base and started researching Catholics vs Protestants. I wanted to know why the Catholic church was so big, when the bible more accurately describes a Protestant setting. If you've never done this, or heard much about it...you're going to want to read this next post.
4.8.10
Part 2 - Friends, Acquaintances, and the girl upstairs
School started again. My younger friends from high school were all with me, and I was living with one of them. The drinking started again, but nothing like the low point drinking. Just casual, good times drinking. That was probably the most fun year of my life to be honest. I had good friends, and life was good. I was still trying to get the girl back. Like a dummy. So I was still going to church, but I hated it more and more every time I went. We were still friends. We hung out. Hooked up a few times. It didn't help that she moved in next door. I don't know what the odds were, but seriously? Tell me you've had it worse when your girlfriend of 3 years breaks your heart then moves in next door. Ok. There are a lot of worse things. But that was pretty bad. I mean, my roommate's closet connected to hers. She would call me at 2 in the morning and tell me to turn the music down. So I would start playing drums. I was such a good friend. Regardless, she was a good friend, and a good person. But we started going separate ways. She hit a huge religious point and made new friends. Became a Jesus freak for the lack of a better term. Conversations turned into how bad my life was. I needed to branch out. I needed to make new friends. My friends were bringing me down. I need to change. So I did.
My first order of business. Buy a polo shirt. Copy the other kids. I want to fit in. Second...buy a pair of jeans. The dickies and t-shirt look wasn't cool anymore. Nor was skate shoes and shorts with high socks. The ones with the two stripes at the top. Get some flip flops too. I met a bunch of new people. I only liked two or three of them, and I still keep in touch today. So now I have a bunch of acquaintances. Mr. Popular over here. Getting those Facebook friends. This is way too much work to impress a girl. Much less, one that moved on a long time ago. I absolutely hated it. I hated smiling all the time. I hated forced conversation. If I don't have anything to say, I'm not going to say it. When I'm walking to class and pass someone I know...I go with the casual nod. Maybe a quick what's up for a quick what's up in return. I hated the following conversation when I'm trying to get somewhere. "Hey, how are you?" "I'm good, how are you?" "I'm good." We just accomplished nothing. What was the point of that? Even if I told you how I really was, would you care? Would you think about me 10 seconds after you walked away? If the thoughts were mutual, you would not. I realized that the friends I already had were my real friends. They didn't care how I dressed, who I prayed to, or whether or not I went to church. Why do I need to branch out and make new friends when the ones I already have are good friends? Why force relationships I neither want or need? The relationship with my ex-girlfriend was starting to feel more and more one way. So I stopped making attempts at friendship. The two in the morning shut of your music call would be the only conversation we had. Proving that she wasn't a friend anymore. Only an acquaintance.
That's when I became friends with the girl upstairs. The only previous communication we'd ever had is a fun story. I think I'll tell it. They were having a party upstairs and it sounded like they were training for the olympics. So my roommate took a broom and walked around the house beating the roof. It was hilarious. I was almost crying. Then we heard a slam on the door and some incoherent screaming. I opened the door and found a note that read, "You are who plays the G.D. drums all thei time." Which only made us laugh harder. So we taped the note inside the window so they would see it every time they walked up the stairs. I know, we were so hilarious. That aside, we became pretty good friends. She showed me a different angle on life. You can call it what you will, but she showed me how to have fun and how to appreciate your real friends. I was 19 at the time and she was 22, so she was more experienced than I was. Not in the bedroom sense. Get your mind out of the gutter. I didn't fall in love, but I learned a lot. I also learned to let the ex-girlfriend go. At first I was dating her as somewhat of a rebound, but I started to see what a relationship was supposed to be. Which ultimately led to me breaking up with her, but that is neither here nor there. I realized that you can't change for anyone. Ever. You will be living a lie for as long as you change. I learned that I can meet new people just being myself. And that when I do meet new people while being myself, I don't have to change. If I do have to, I shouldn't be with that person anyway. I don't believe there is someone out there for everyone. I believe that there are many people out there for someone. Most importantly, I learned how to chug a beer. I'm just kidding. I didn't learn that until later. Comic relief.
Back to the original point. I stopped going to church. And it's not that I didn't try. I went to just about every church in Florence, and the only one I enjoyed was one that had about 30 members, most of them over 70 and the praise band was an upright bass and an organ. It was the only church where I felt like they wanted me to be there. There weren't college students just trying to be seen. Nobody saying, "Hey look at me! I'm at church!" Just genuine people who have been through it all. The best part is...I was myself. And they didn't judge me. Actually the real best part...I didn't have to clap my hands because there were only two instruments and no rhythm. So I didn't feel stupid, or left out. When it all came down to it, I was just lazy. I stopped going because I didn't feel like waking up. Sleep is one of my favorite things. Besides the sleep thing, and the latter church, I was starting to feel like church was a chore. I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't enjoy the people there. I've always heard the church used as a metaphor. As a community rather than a building. The places I went to didn't feel like a community I wanted to be a part of. The hardest thing for me to understand was how people can say they are Christians and then act the way they do. It was like someone from a community college hanging out with Harvard students. There was no grace. The love didn't feel real. I felt like they were trying to accept me because they had to. The main reason I felt unwelcome is because I was there to get better. I was there to learn. But I was treated as if I was never going to make it. Like that kid on the youth baseball team that only gets to play two innings because they have to let you. It didn't feel like they were trying to help. Only exploit my sins so they could feel better about themselves. So not only did I stop going, I stopped wanting to go. I didn't want to be part of a religion that cuts themselves off from society and lives in their own high and mighty world. This was the first impression of Christianity after I started seeing religion through new eyes. Also, I do realize that the entire last paragraph was full of judgment. But this is what was going through my head. And this is what made me not want to be called a Christian. This is when I stopped associating myself with religion.
Part 3 coming soon.
My first order of business. Buy a polo shirt. Copy the other kids. I want to fit in. Second...buy a pair of jeans. The dickies and t-shirt look wasn't cool anymore. Nor was skate shoes and shorts with high socks. The ones with the two stripes at the top. Get some flip flops too. I met a bunch of new people. I only liked two or three of them, and I still keep in touch today. So now I have a bunch of acquaintances. Mr. Popular over here. Getting those Facebook friends. This is way too much work to impress a girl. Much less, one that moved on a long time ago. I absolutely hated it. I hated smiling all the time. I hated forced conversation. If I don't have anything to say, I'm not going to say it. When I'm walking to class and pass someone I know...I go with the casual nod. Maybe a quick what's up for a quick what's up in return. I hated the following conversation when I'm trying to get somewhere. "Hey, how are you?" "I'm good, how are you?" "I'm good." We just accomplished nothing. What was the point of that? Even if I told you how I really was, would you care? Would you think about me 10 seconds after you walked away? If the thoughts were mutual, you would not. I realized that the friends I already had were my real friends. They didn't care how I dressed, who I prayed to, or whether or not I went to church. Why do I need to branch out and make new friends when the ones I already have are good friends? Why force relationships I neither want or need? The relationship with my ex-girlfriend was starting to feel more and more one way. So I stopped making attempts at friendship. The two in the morning shut of your music call would be the only conversation we had. Proving that she wasn't a friend anymore. Only an acquaintance.
That's when I became friends with the girl upstairs. The only previous communication we'd ever had is a fun story. I think I'll tell it. They were having a party upstairs and it sounded like they were training for the olympics. So my roommate took a broom and walked around the house beating the roof. It was hilarious. I was almost crying. Then we heard a slam on the door and some incoherent screaming. I opened the door and found a note that read, "You are who plays the G.D. drums all thei time." Which only made us laugh harder. So we taped the note inside the window so they would see it every time they walked up the stairs. I know, we were so hilarious. That aside, we became pretty good friends. She showed me a different angle on life. You can call it what you will, but she showed me how to have fun and how to appreciate your real friends. I was 19 at the time and she was 22, so she was more experienced than I was. Not in the bedroom sense. Get your mind out of the gutter. I didn't fall in love, but I learned a lot. I also learned to let the ex-girlfriend go. At first I was dating her as somewhat of a rebound, but I started to see what a relationship was supposed to be. Which ultimately led to me breaking up with her, but that is neither here nor there. I realized that you can't change for anyone. Ever. You will be living a lie for as long as you change. I learned that I can meet new people just being myself. And that when I do meet new people while being myself, I don't have to change. If I do have to, I shouldn't be with that person anyway. I don't believe there is someone out there for everyone. I believe that there are many people out there for someone. Most importantly, I learned how to chug a beer. I'm just kidding. I didn't learn that until later. Comic relief.
Back to the original point. I stopped going to church. And it's not that I didn't try. I went to just about every church in Florence, and the only one I enjoyed was one that had about 30 members, most of them over 70 and the praise band was an upright bass and an organ. It was the only church where I felt like they wanted me to be there. There weren't college students just trying to be seen. Nobody saying, "Hey look at me! I'm at church!" Just genuine people who have been through it all. The best part is...I was myself. And they didn't judge me. Actually the real best part...I didn't have to clap my hands because there were only two instruments and no rhythm. So I didn't feel stupid, or left out. When it all came down to it, I was just lazy. I stopped going because I didn't feel like waking up. Sleep is one of my favorite things. Besides the sleep thing, and the latter church, I was starting to feel like church was a chore. I didn't enjoy it, and I didn't enjoy the people there. I've always heard the church used as a metaphor. As a community rather than a building. The places I went to didn't feel like a community I wanted to be a part of. The hardest thing for me to understand was how people can say they are Christians and then act the way they do. It was like someone from a community college hanging out with Harvard students. There was no grace. The love didn't feel real. I felt like they were trying to accept me because they had to. The main reason I felt unwelcome is because I was there to get better. I was there to learn. But I was treated as if I was never going to make it. Like that kid on the youth baseball team that only gets to play two innings because they have to let you. It didn't feel like they were trying to help. Only exploit my sins so they could feel better about themselves. So not only did I stop going, I stopped wanting to go. I didn't want to be part of a religion that cuts themselves off from society and lives in their own high and mighty world. This was the first impression of Christianity after I started seeing religion through new eyes. Also, I do realize that the entire last paragraph was full of judgment. But this is what was going through my head. And this is what made me not want to be called a Christian. This is when I stopped associating myself with religion.
Part 3 coming soon.
3.8.10
Part 1 - I feel stupid clapping my hands
So here is part one. The part leading up to when I took a leave of absence from God. And the reasoning behind it. If you don't like reading, you should click the back button. These are all going to be long. I'm typing them out in TextEdit, so I have no idea how long they'll look once they hit the blog layout. Try not to overwhelm yourself. Take some breaks. Here's a good ole Matt Barnes disclaimer to keep everyone from getting mad. Even though the small amount of people reading this probably wouldn't anyway. The events that led up to this departure and the people involved were not the ones who made me fall away from God. They were catalysts, yes, but I have my own free will and did it on my own. There. That's out of the way. Moving on.
Without boring you with the first 17 years of my life, I'll skip to the important part. I was raised Christian in a non-denominational church, so I had heard everything you were supposed to hear. I never questioned anything out loud, and mainly hid them away trusting that my parents, pastors, and friends were right. I had a girlfriend at time I entered college, and she was around the same state that I was. I claimed to be Christian, I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, and I didn't cuss. I went to church every Sunday, and I memorized bible verses. Spending the night with a girl was a no no, and sex just wasn't even an option. I judged other people, and constantly praised myself for being a good kid and doing things right. Skip forward a few months. The girl I was dating crushed me. It was probably one of the lowest points in my life. I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't go out, I would just go to class, and go to sleep. My self-esteem was gone. I couldn't pay attention. I wouldn't do homework. My roommate had moved out a few months prior, so I was by myself. Too much time to think. Too much silence. This...was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
Sounds fun doesn't it? No. It was awful. But this was the catalyst that started me thinking. But before the thinking, I did what everyone else that gets broken up with does. I started drinking. I know, I know. Boo! Hiss! I'm such a bad kid. I also got rid of my beautiful hair and shaved it. The first night ended up with me throwing up 3 or 4 times and passing out in a hallway. Ah. Memories. Then the next morning, I threw up the Pop-Tart I tried to eat, stumbled to class, and made a 96 on a music appreciation exam. I loved it. I loved being numb. I loved shutting off the real world. The combination of alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine was so exhilarating. I started to understand why people became alcoholics. Because the false reality feels better than the real one. So days went by. Weeks went by. I was either asleep, drunk, in class, or all of the above. Luckily this stage didn't last as long as some. There was no rock bottom with my daughter videotaping me eating a cheeseburger on the floor without a shirt on. Sorry for the anti-climactic ending to that. I slowed down with the drinking and decided to go to church with the ex-girlfriend to see what this whole God thing was about. This is when the battle began.
When I entered a church for the first time after this new wave of freedom, I saw things differently. I started judging other Christians. No idea why. It just happened. Looking back, it was probably because I was going for the girl, not for God. For the first time, I didn't feel like I belonged. Everything I was used to was new to me. I think it's because I realized I had free will. I didn't have to believe in the things my parents or ex-girlfriend believed in. I was greeted by another college student when I walked in. She had a big smile and talked way too much. All I could think was...fake. During worship, I just felt stupid. I never had before. I felt like an idiot. It all seemed so pointless. I couldn't help but look around and wonder what all these people were thinking. I awkwardly clapped my hands for a song, then stopped. Clapping hands is stupid. I've always heard people say that you come out of your shell when you worship and that God controls you. But I couldn't grasp why he would make someone do something so idiotic and weird. This went on for a while. I went to church to feel good about myself. I went to win the girl back. And maybe...just maybe. Find God. I failed at all three.
So after summer hit, I moved back home and went to church with my parents. They had just recently found a new church that I grew quite fond of as well. The people there seemed real. It was good environment to be in. I felt like I was getting my life on track. I stopped drinking, stopped cussing, and stopped doing all of the things I did when I was in school. I was still asking questions. I was trying to understand the point. I never had an experience with God the way all of these people were talking about it. I said the right things. I prayed the right prayers. But I felt nothing. I was starting to wonder if it was all just emotion. I think emotion gets confused with God all the time. I was trying. I was trying hard. But mostly, I just felt awkward. I still couldn't grasp the fact that, out of all the religions out there, I was lucky enough to have chosen the right one with no research and no facts. Just faith and what my parents, pastors, and friends have told me. I just landed in the right one. Like thinking the Alabama is the best football team just because you were born there and your mom is a fan. I still didn't clap my hands during worship. I figured the drummer could keep time just fine.
Without boring you with the first 17 years of my life, I'll skip to the important part. I was raised Christian in a non-denominational church, so I had heard everything you were supposed to hear. I never questioned anything out loud, and mainly hid them away trusting that my parents, pastors, and friends were right. I had a girlfriend at time I entered college, and she was around the same state that I was. I claimed to be Christian, I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, and I didn't cuss. I went to church every Sunday, and I memorized bible verses. Spending the night with a girl was a no no, and sex just wasn't even an option. I judged other people, and constantly praised myself for being a good kid and doing things right. Skip forward a few months. The girl I was dating crushed me. It was probably one of the lowest points in my life. I wouldn't eat, I wouldn't go out, I would just go to class, and go to sleep. My self-esteem was gone. I couldn't pay attention. I wouldn't do homework. My roommate had moved out a few months prior, so I was by myself. Too much time to think. Too much silence. This...was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
Sounds fun doesn't it? No. It was awful. But this was the catalyst that started me thinking. But before the thinking, I did what everyone else that gets broken up with does. I started drinking. I know, I know. Boo! Hiss! I'm such a bad kid. I also got rid of my beautiful hair and shaved it. The first night ended up with me throwing up 3 or 4 times and passing out in a hallway. Ah. Memories. Then the next morning, I threw up the Pop-Tart I tried to eat, stumbled to class, and made a 96 on a music appreciation exam. I loved it. I loved being numb. I loved shutting off the real world. The combination of alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine was so exhilarating. I started to understand why people became alcoholics. Because the false reality feels better than the real one. So days went by. Weeks went by. I was either asleep, drunk, in class, or all of the above. Luckily this stage didn't last as long as some. There was no rock bottom with my daughter videotaping me eating a cheeseburger on the floor without a shirt on. Sorry for the anti-climactic ending to that. I slowed down with the drinking and decided to go to church with the ex-girlfriend to see what this whole God thing was about. This is when the battle began.
When I entered a church for the first time after this new wave of freedom, I saw things differently. I started judging other Christians. No idea why. It just happened. Looking back, it was probably because I was going for the girl, not for God. For the first time, I didn't feel like I belonged. Everything I was used to was new to me. I think it's because I realized I had free will. I didn't have to believe in the things my parents or ex-girlfriend believed in. I was greeted by another college student when I walked in. She had a big smile and talked way too much. All I could think was...fake. During worship, I just felt stupid. I never had before. I felt like an idiot. It all seemed so pointless. I couldn't help but look around and wonder what all these people were thinking. I awkwardly clapped my hands for a song, then stopped. Clapping hands is stupid. I've always heard people say that you come out of your shell when you worship and that God controls you. But I couldn't grasp why he would make someone do something so idiotic and weird. This went on for a while. I went to church to feel good about myself. I went to win the girl back. And maybe...just maybe. Find God. I failed at all three.
So after summer hit, I moved back home and went to church with my parents. They had just recently found a new church that I grew quite fond of as well. The people there seemed real. It was good environment to be in. I felt like I was getting my life on track. I stopped drinking, stopped cussing, and stopped doing all of the things I did when I was in school. I was still asking questions. I was trying to understand the point. I never had an experience with God the way all of these people were talking about it. I said the right things. I prayed the right prayers. But I felt nothing. I was starting to wonder if it was all just emotion. I think emotion gets confused with God all the time. I was trying. I was trying hard. But mostly, I just felt awkward. I still couldn't grasp the fact that, out of all the religions out there, I was lucky enough to have chosen the right one with no research and no facts. Just faith and what my parents, pastors, and friends have told me. I just landed in the right one. Like thinking the Alabama is the best football team just because you were born there and your mom is a fan. I still didn't clap my hands during worship. I figured the drummer could keep time just fine.
31.7.10
mini-series coming soon.
For those of you who don't know, there has been a recent catastrophe in my life. Lightning struck close to my house and killed the internet. I won't get it back until Monday at the earliest. I should probably work on my internet dependency. It's getting a bit out of hand. Onto the main point. Since I have been slacking recently, I've decided to post somewhat of a mini-series. The subject? What I learned in college. The out of the classroom things. Basically, a memoir-ish story that documents my fights with girls, myself, God, and the devil.
Why do this? Quite frankly, I'm bored and out of ideas. But also, I want the people that read this to get a better understanding of who I am, where I came from, and where I'm at now. Personally, I love hearing other people's stories. I am always fascinated at how they are all so different, yet all the same. So I've decided to tell mine. Some of the things in the upcoming posts will be new to almost everyone. Some of them might make you think I'm a terrible person. Maybe one person will be able to relate. Maybe one person will figure something out about themselves. I just thought about how I'm posting all of these blogs about how we should live our lives when I clearly haven't even figured out how to live my own. Also, I want to remember all of this. And since my computer is really good at crashing, I want it on here. Also...I'm doing it because I feel like it. So there.
The main problem lies with me not having internet. So my temporary replacement is the Starbucks down the street. I am currently "that guy" that everyone makes fun of. The guy blogging on his Mac, listening to his iPod, and checking Twitter, while drinking copious amounts of Pike Place. At least I have an excuse. But I still look like a tool. At least I'm not the guy with the Kindle. I've already typed out three of them, but don't want to post them all at once. They're pretty lengthy, so you might need a few breaks. I planned on having 5, but there might be more.
So stay tuned. I promise it will be interesting at the least. There isn't one person in the world who knows everything that you will see. Some of it, I even forgot. Big gulps, huh? Welp...see ya later!
Why do this? Quite frankly, I'm bored and out of ideas. But also, I want the people that read this to get a better understanding of who I am, where I came from, and where I'm at now. Personally, I love hearing other people's stories. I am always fascinated at how they are all so different, yet all the same. So I've decided to tell mine. Some of the things in the upcoming posts will be new to almost everyone. Some of them might make you think I'm a terrible person. Maybe one person will be able to relate. Maybe one person will figure something out about themselves. I just thought about how I'm posting all of these blogs about how we should live our lives when I clearly haven't even figured out how to live my own. Also, I want to remember all of this. And since my computer is really good at crashing, I want it on here. Also...I'm doing it because I feel like it. So there.
The main problem lies with me not having internet. So my temporary replacement is the Starbucks down the street. I am currently "that guy" that everyone makes fun of. The guy blogging on his Mac, listening to his iPod, and checking Twitter, while drinking copious amounts of Pike Place. At least I have an excuse. But I still look like a tool. At least I'm not the guy with the Kindle. I've already typed out three of them, but don't want to post them all at once. They're pretty lengthy, so you might need a few breaks. I planned on having 5, but there might be more.
So stay tuned. I promise it will be interesting at the least. There isn't one person in the world who knows everything that you will see. Some of it, I even forgot. Big gulps, huh? Welp...see ya later!
21.7.10
Fold the pages
I've been thinking a lot about how I want my story to turn out. Partly because Donald Miller is having a contest to come see a seminar in Portland. Where I've always wanted to go. But I'm too poor to register and do all of that and I don't want to take up the space of people that have the money. Regardless, I think I'll write about it. If you haven't caught it from previous posts or read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald uses a story as a metaphor for life. Basically...what would your life be if it were a story? And if you could write it the way you wanted, what would you write? The truth is, we are all constantly writing our own stories. We ultimately choose what happens to us and what actions we will take when things come our way. This provoked some thought in me, especially when I see others just letting their life happen. When their story is over, people would read it and say, "Wow...that was incredible boring" or "I don't see the point." I don't want that to be mine.
I see people all the time on twitter, facebook, blogs, or in person, that will say, "I've closed blah blah chapter in my life." Some of them say it as though they will never look back. Like once they move on, they're done with that part of their life. When I think about that, I just think of how sad it is. That we're in such a hurry to get to the next step, we just move on to a new chapter. When I read a book, I fold the pages. Or dog-ear them, if you will. I would need way too many bookmarks. I highlight things. I write them down. Not all of it is good. I highlight tragedy. I highlight mistakes. I highlight the low points. I also highlight the good parts. The happy, the funny, the uplifting. Because all of it is relevant to the story. I think that's how we need to approach life. There's always a time to move on, but never a time where we should stop looking back. Not looking back in a sense of longing, but a sense of learning. If your goal is just to make it to the next chapter, you will die with no sense of satisfaction. If the end of the book is death, when will you sit back and ponder? When will you enjoy it? Whenever I read a book, I like to think about it. I question things, I question myself, I wonder what the author was thinking. Enjoy your life as it's happening. Go back to those folded pages and highlights to see what you've written so far.
The person you will learn from the most is yourself. Remember your first job? Remember how many things you screwed up regardless of how much they trained you? It's a given that we, as humans, will constantly make mistakes. That's why they have erasers and the delete key. Throughout college, I saw so many people make the same mistakes over and over again. Especially with relationships. They would close the chapter on one, then move on to the next. The problem was, the next one would be the same. Since they already closed that chapter in their life, they didn't think that they were putting themselves through the exact same situation. They didn't have a folded page to turn back to.
Why do we need the sad parts of the story? Why can't we forget those? I think those times are what makes us stronger people. Being able to look back and know that you made it through something tough can really boost you when things aren't so great. Spoiler alert to every story: Something, sometime, somewhere, is going to suck. Maybe worse than something else that's already happened. That is a part of every story. But you make it through. And when you do make it through, you fold the page. You highlight the things that got you through. And next time something else happens, you go back. You figure out how you handled it before. This time, you add more things to highlight. This is not a way of numbing out pain. This is a way of coping with it. The conflict and loss in life is what builds your character. It's what makes you the person that you are.
I want my story to be a best seller. I actually want 10 best sellers. I want a story so big I need a new bookshelf. But every page can't be: Today I woke up. I checked Twitter. Then I checked Facebook. No new wall posts. Time to go watch tv. I want to write something exciting. I want love and loss. I want tragedy and redemption. I want impulse. I want desire. I want everything that makes a story great. But I don't want to live from chapter to chapter. Just trying to make it through to the end. That shortens the life of the book. When you're done, you're done. I want to constantly go back and read what's already written. I want to love every second of it over and over again. I want every page to be folded.
I see people all the time on twitter, facebook, blogs, or in person, that will say, "I've closed blah blah chapter in my life." Some of them say it as though they will never look back. Like once they move on, they're done with that part of their life. When I think about that, I just think of how sad it is. That we're in such a hurry to get to the next step, we just move on to a new chapter. When I read a book, I fold the pages. Or dog-ear them, if you will. I would need way too many bookmarks. I highlight things. I write them down. Not all of it is good. I highlight tragedy. I highlight mistakes. I highlight the low points. I also highlight the good parts. The happy, the funny, the uplifting. Because all of it is relevant to the story. I think that's how we need to approach life. There's always a time to move on, but never a time where we should stop looking back. Not looking back in a sense of longing, but a sense of learning. If your goal is just to make it to the next chapter, you will die with no sense of satisfaction. If the end of the book is death, when will you sit back and ponder? When will you enjoy it? Whenever I read a book, I like to think about it. I question things, I question myself, I wonder what the author was thinking. Enjoy your life as it's happening. Go back to those folded pages and highlights to see what you've written so far.
The person you will learn from the most is yourself. Remember your first job? Remember how many things you screwed up regardless of how much they trained you? It's a given that we, as humans, will constantly make mistakes. That's why they have erasers and the delete key. Throughout college, I saw so many people make the same mistakes over and over again. Especially with relationships. They would close the chapter on one, then move on to the next. The problem was, the next one would be the same. Since they already closed that chapter in their life, they didn't think that they were putting themselves through the exact same situation. They didn't have a folded page to turn back to.
Why do we need the sad parts of the story? Why can't we forget those? I think those times are what makes us stronger people. Being able to look back and know that you made it through something tough can really boost you when things aren't so great. Spoiler alert to every story: Something, sometime, somewhere, is going to suck. Maybe worse than something else that's already happened. That is a part of every story. But you make it through. And when you do make it through, you fold the page. You highlight the things that got you through. And next time something else happens, you go back. You figure out how you handled it before. This time, you add more things to highlight. This is not a way of numbing out pain. This is a way of coping with it. The conflict and loss in life is what builds your character. It's what makes you the person that you are.
I want my story to be a best seller. I actually want 10 best sellers. I want a story so big I need a new bookshelf. But every page can't be: Today I woke up. I checked Twitter. Then I checked Facebook. No new wall posts. Time to go watch tv. I want to write something exciting. I want love and loss. I want tragedy and redemption. I want impulse. I want desire. I want everything that makes a story great. But I don't want to live from chapter to chapter. Just trying to make it through to the end. That shortens the life of the book. When you're done, you're done. I want to constantly go back and read what's already written. I want to love every second of it over and over again. I want every page to be folded.
5.7.10
Dark is the way, light is a place
Google needs to get in the game. Make an app, or make an iPhone/iPod friendly blog. I would blog a lot more. Anyway...done with that rant. Now onto my self rant. If you're like me, you have an internal list of things you need to do, stop doing, or start doing. I realized today that some of these things have been on this so called list for 5 years. Every night I go to sleep telling myself , "soon. I'll do it soon." Then I wake up and forget all about it. How do I make this soon become now? The thing that bugs me the most is the fact that I know life would be much more enjoyable if I listened to myself.
For starters, I've been wanting to start running every morning as the sun comes up. A few reasons: I would be more in shape since I run twice a week...if I feel like it. I would get to experience beautiful sunsets that never get old. I could transfer the time I can't sleep at night into something productive in the daytime. And I would be able to sleep at night when I want to. Truth is, I just really enjoy sleeping. Also, can't stand it. I hate the fact that, other than letting my body rest...I cannot do anything productive. I'm just in a simplified coma. On the other hand, once I'm asleep, I never want to wake up because it feels incredible.
This is a minor example of a plethora of spiritual and personal things I would like to start doing. But when is soon? Will soon be 70 when it's too late? Will I even make it that far? Also, what is really important here? Now i have "vanity of vanities, all is vanity" stuck in my head. With that, I realize there is a bigger picture than what I'm seeing. And I really think that almost every blog I've posted, including this one, has involved too much thinking and too much intellect. Could life be more simple than a constant array of lists we all must finish before we die? I believe so. After all, God didn't put us here stocked with checklists. Maybe, just maybe...stay with me now. All of this searching for answers and truth is not what was intended. It's not like I'm going to find the answer on earth anyway. Maybe these lists and searches and drastic thinkings are the things that hinder us from our purpose the most. Maybe...the things we seek out are the things that keep us at a standstill.
Yes. I know. I've contradicted myself about every other sentence of every blog. This one included. But I think I'm finally starting to figure it out. And by it, I mean my life. Your walk might be different. Correction. Probably is different. I hope the first thing I hear in heaven is, "welcome to the simple life" and not followed by, "that you could have had on earth."
For starters, I've been wanting to start running every morning as the sun comes up. A few reasons: I would be more in shape since I run twice a week...if I feel like it. I would get to experience beautiful sunsets that never get old. I could transfer the time I can't sleep at night into something productive in the daytime. And I would be able to sleep at night when I want to. Truth is, I just really enjoy sleeping. Also, can't stand it. I hate the fact that, other than letting my body rest...I cannot do anything productive. I'm just in a simplified coma. On the other hand, once I'm asleep, I never want to wake up because it feels incredible.
This is a minor example of a plethora of spiritual and personal things I would like to start doing. But when is soon? Will soon be 70 when it's too late? Will I even make it that far? Also, what is really important here? Now i have "vanity of vanities, all is vanity" stuck in my head. With that, I realize there is a bigger picture than what I'm seeing. And I really think that almost every blog I've posted, including this one, has involved too much thinking and too much intellect. Could life be more simple than a constant array of lists we all must finish before we die? I believe so. After all, God didn't put us here stocked with checklists. Maybe, just maybe...stay with me now. All of this searching for answers and truth is not what was intended. It's not like I'm going to find the answer on earth anyway. Maybe these lists and searches and drastic thinkings are the things that hinder us from our purpose the most. Maybe...the things we seek out are the things that keep us at a standstill.
Yes. I know. I've contradicted myself about every other sentence of every blog. This one included. But I think I'm finally starting to figure it out. And by it, I mean my life. Your walk might be different. Correction. Probably is different. I hope the first thing I hear in heaven is, "welcome to the simple life" and not followed by, "that you could have had on earth."
20.6.10
I will die with more shoes than you.
Since I haven't blogged in a while, prepare for a long one. Go ahead. Empty your bladder. Grab some popcorn. Look away from the screen every once in a while. Truth is, I've been sitting in a hospital chair from 12am-8am for the past three nights. I'm kind of bored. So I'm going to type. And it's going to get weird. And fun. After reading this, you'll either think I'm awesome or an idiot. Or both. Here's where I mix interesting with ridiculous.
I envy the people that can pack everything they own into a van and take off. I have too much stuff. I hate that we are in love with stuff. Useless stuff. I'm at the hospital right now with my grandma and she is watching a show called "Can I Afford It?" The show involves people calling in asking whether or not they can afford stuff. They'll give what they want, how much they make, how much debt they have, and so on. Some of this stuff is pretty dumb. It amazes me how this stuff can make us feel so fulfilled. Trust me, I am no better than all of these people calling in for things like flat screen TVs, beach houses in California, and new carpet just for the fun of it. But then there's another part of the show in which the host gives people plans for how to save the most amount of money. At one point she said, "By the time you turn 75, you should have over 1 million dollars."
A show about how to get more stuff. Great. My first question, the obvious question, is what if you don't make it to 75? Or even better, what if you die a week after you turn 75? Would it all have been worth it? All of that saving, all of that straining, all of that stress.
I think one of the greatest challenges in life is to separate what matters and what does not. Even more challenging, doing something about it. I listen to this woman tell people if they can afford things or not, but think to myself...maybe you can afford it, but do you need it? Of course, no. You never do. When you think about it, you don't need almost everything you have. Sure, it's nice. And no, I'm not saying you should live on one pair of clothes inside a box somewhere. Unless you want to. My point is that our knowledge of want and need is a little skewed. Material things are so funny, really. And I think everyone can agree with me on the next statement. After you finally get that new thing that you have to have...don't you realize in about a month that it didn't really matter that much?
Seriously girls...what's with the shoes? I have about 5 pairs and that is too many.
There is an interesting paradox about stuff. If the stuff never existed, I don't think we would be that upset. Quite the opposite, actually. I believe that people in the Old Testament were way more content with their lives than our culture today. Mostly because the amount of stuff was not as great. The more stuff that exists in this world...the more billboards telling us what we need...the more television shows with people more successful than us...the worse we feel about our own lives. Consciously or subconsciously. I think the invention of stuff has created a dependence on it, and in turn, shifted our priorities to the stuff rather than the things we should be really focusing on. I cannot fathom not having internet. I lived through it for a few years. But I was young. Imagine never having internet. Much less computers. Much less television. Much less electricity. Sounds terrible, right? But what if you didn't even know what it was? Wouldn't be hurting as much.
Imagine a new invention that allowed any civilian to travel into space whenever he/she desired. We will call it the Pukeatron Space Vessel. How incredible would that be? With this, someone could orbit the earth in a matter of seconds, making planes obsolete and drastically cutting travel time. The idea of it sounds ridiculous and almost impossible, but bear with me. Now imagine that becoming mainstream. You go $439,345 in debt to buy one. You're so cool. Your neighbors are so jealous. Soon, the price goes down and everyone has one. It's huge. The new thing. Yours breaks, and you are now poor. What do you do when you want to go from New York to California? You drive or take a plane. No three second trip. What a huge inconvenience that would be. Imagine...your friend gets there and has three more days of vacation while you drive a car. You are crushed. Now your neighbors are laughing at you. You won't rest until you get it fixed. But you run out of money because your job is 3 hours away...which used to be 3 seconds away. You don't have a functioning Pukeatron Space Vessel and your friends are already upgrading to the Pukeatron Space Vessel 2.0 that comes stock with puke bags, wifi, and a 1020p hi def player that zaps the movie into your brain since the three second travel time is not adequate enough to watch a film. Man, you are a loser.
Ok. Leave my overly descriptive fantasy for a second. Now think about this. We don't have that now. So if we want to go from New York to California we take a plane. And that's the best way to go. We don't feel bad because we don't have the Pukeatron. We don't want it. It doesn't control us. It doesn't make us feel inferior. We get on a plane, and don't think about it. Now is the whole point in that little story above. Imagine not having any of the things we have now...but not knowing they could even possibly exist. I, for one, know for a fact that I would be a lot happier. Extreme example I know. But think about it.
I don't think any human being, no matter how rich, could cross the stuff threshold. If someone has already come up with this, then I apologize for unknowingly stealing it. Otherwise this is an original definition. "The stuff threshold" is an intangible point in which the happiness that comes from the stuff you own outweighs the desire and want for more stuff. I think we have been taught that stuff = success and success = happiness. Therefore more stuff = more happiness.
Personally, my goal is to learn how to channel this want into something useful. Then I have to ask myself what is useful? I'm still searching for that one. Maybe it will come later. But I definitely don't want to be that guy trying to die with more stuff than the other.
I envy the people that can pack everything they own into a van and take off. I have too much stuff. I hate that we are in love with stuff. Useless stuff. I'm at the hospital right now with my grandma and she is watching a show called "Can I Afford It?" The show involves people calling in asking whether or not they can afford stuff. They'll give what they want, how much they make, how much debt they have, and so on. Some of this stuff is pretty dumb. It amazes me how this stuff can make us feel so fulfilled. Trust me, I am no better than all of these people calling in for things like flat screen TVs, beach houses in California, and new carpet just for the fun of it. But then there's another part of the show in which the host gives people plans for how to save the most amount of money. At one point she said, "By the time you turn 75, you should have over 1 million dollars."
A show about how to get more stuff. Great. My first question, the obvious question, is what if you don't make it to 75? Or even better, what if you die a week after you turn 75? Would it all have been worth it? All of that saving, all of that straining, all of that stress.
I think one of the greatest challenges in life is to separate what matters and what does not. Even more challenging, doing something about it. I listen to this woman tell people if they can afford things or not, but think to myself...maybe you can afford it, but do you need it? Of course, no. You never do. When you think about it, you don't need almost everything you have. Sure, it's nice. And no, I'm not saying you should live on one pair of clothes inside a box somewhere. Unless you want to. My point is that our knowledge of want and need is a little skewed. Material things are so funny, really. And I think everyone can agree with me on the next statement. After you finally get that new thing that you have to have...don't you realize in about a month that it didn't really matter that much?
Seriously girls...what's with the shoes? I have about 5 pairs and that is too many.
There is an interesting paradox about stuff. If the stuff never existed, I don't think we would be that upset. Quite the opposite, actually. I believe that people in the Old Testament were way more content with their lives than our culture today. Mostly because the amount of stuff was not as great. The more stuff that exists in this world...the more billboards telling us what we need...the more television shows with people more successful than us...the worse we feel about our own lives. Consciously or subconsciously. I think the invention of stuff has created a dependence on it, and in turn, shifted our priorities to the stuff rather than the things we should be really focusing on. I cannot fathom not having internet. I lived through it for a few years. But I was young. Imagine never having internet. Much less computers. Much less television. Much less electricity. Sounds terrible, right? But what if you didn't even know what it was? Wouldn't be hurting as much.
Imagine a new invention that allowed any civilian to travel into space whenever he/she desired. We will call it the Pukeatron Space Vessel. How incredible would that be? With this, someone could orbit the earth in a matter of seconds, making planes obsolete and drastically cutting travel time. The idea of it sounds ridiculous and almost impossible, but bear with me. Now imagine that becoming mainstream. You go $439,345 in debt to buy one. You're so cool. Your neighbors are so jealous. Soon, the price goes down and everyone has one. It's huge. The new thing. Yours breaks, and you are now poor. What do you do when you want to go from New York to California? You drive or take a plane. No three second trip. What a huge inconvenience that would be. Imagine...your friend gets there and has three more days of vacation while you drive a car. You are crushed. Now your neighbors are laughing at you. You won't rest until you get it fixed. But you run out of money because your job is 3 hours away...which used to be 3 seconds away. You don't have a functioning Pukeatron Space Vessel and your friends are already upgrading to the Pukeatron Space Vessel 2.0 that comes stock with puke bags, wifi, and a 1020p hi def player that zaps the movie into your brain since the three second travel time is not adequate enough to watch a film. Man, you are a loser.
Ok. Leave my overly descriptive fantasy for a second. Now think about this. We don't have that now. So if we want to go from New York to California we take a plane. And that's the best way to go. We don't feel bad because we don't have the Pukeatron. We don't want it. It doesn't control us. It doesn't make us feel inferior. We get on a plane, and don't think about it. Now is the whole point in that little story above. Imagine not having any of the things we have now...but not knowing they could even possibly exist. I, for one, know for a fact that I would be a lot happier. Extreme example I know. But think about it.
I don't think any human being, no matter how rich, could cross the stuff threshold. If someone has already come up with this, then I apologize for unknowingly stealing it. Otherwise this is an original definition. "The stuff threshold" is an intangible point in which the happiness that comes from the stuff you own outweighs the desire and want for more stuff. I think we have been taught that stuff = success and success = happiness. Therefore more stuff = more happiness.
Personally, my goal is to learn how to channel this want into something useful. Then I have to ask myself what is useful? I'm still searching for that one. Maybe it will come later. But I definitely don't want to be that guy trying to die with more stuff than the other.
9.5.10
Yay for moms!
Well I'm done. I've finished school. No more classes. No more papers. No more exams. To the people that helped me get through it, I cannot thank you enough. But the real hero of my life is my mom. I know, i know, cliche mothers day post. I would be nothing without her. There is nothing i can do to repay her for all that she has done for me. When i was struggling for money, she would leave work and deposit some in my account, even if she didn't really have it. Most of the time, more than i needed. She has given me enough food to account for a year's worth of groceries. She's cooked and cleaned for me the past 22 years. Sacrificing her life to make ours better. But the one thing that i will never be able to thank her enough for is making me the man that i am. she's taught me how to love, how to live, and how to forgive. She has given me the freedom to do what i want, but still holds me accountable and keeps me on the right track. No mistake I've made is too big. Her grace has given me so many second chances. I am far away from the perfect man. But i know in her eyes...i always will be. And she will always be the perfect mom.
So thanks mom. For everything you've done for me, for always being there, and for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for getting me this far in life. Thank you for making all of the sacrifices you have made. I know I'll never even know about most of them because you made being a mom look so easy. Thank you for the best 22 years I could ask for. I love you. And I'll never stop. I'm so blessed to have you. Your beach house is coming soon. I promise.
Here's an embarrassing picture.
So thanks mom. For everything you've done for me, for always being there, and for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for getting me this far in life. Thank you for making all of the sacrifices you have made. I know I'll never even know about most of them because you made being a mom look so easy. Thank you for the best 22 years I could ask for. I love you. And I'll never stop. I'm so blessed to have you. Your beach house is coming soon. I promise.
Here's an embarrassing picture.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
