I hate regrets more than apologies

So I've been studying for an Earth Science test I have tomorrow for roughly around 3 hours. With roughly around 3 more to go. So I'm taking a break to write down my inner torment. I also have a fundamentals of music test tomorrow, but I think I'm good on that one.

The show last night was ok...it was weird. It was the first show we've ever played in a bar setting. Where you are there to play for people who aren't particularly there to see you...we just happened to be at the bar they were at. It was boring. But we sounded really good I think. Probably because I barely moved because I felt dumb. Then we left and tried to get back in later to watch another band and the guy at the door said we had to be 21. Even though I just played there. And made them some money. I was slightly peeved at that. Not going back there.
Scott isn't very into this touring thing we are planning on doing. I feel like him and the band are trying to do the same thing...just with two different careers. Our mindset is we want to jump start the popularity of us by going on tour, therefore when we get out of college, people will know us and we will have a fanbase...even if its not huge, its better than nothing. Scott on the other hand wants to jump start his career by working over the summer and getting experience. I'm not coming down on him or blaming him for doing it at all. I'm happy for him that he knows what he wants to do with his life and he's going for it. It just sucks that someone you've been friends with your entire life doesn't want the same life as you anymore. I always thought DGN would be Chris, Scott, and I. We've added 2 other people, but still kept the original members. It just wouldn't feel right playing without Scott. I don't want to do it. But its getting to about that time where he has to take that step and commit because we're about to take off. But its his decision, and while it sucks, I'm not mad. We've just had two different ideas about what the band meant to us, and just tried to work around it until now. I just don't think Scott believes we can make it. And that's what sucks. His career is no-risk. He'll easily get a job right out of college and be making a really good salary. That's his idea of a good life. I have no problem with that. But from my point of view, we have the chance to be huge. We have the chance to be famous, have plenty of money, never have to sit behind a desk, and pretty much play a show once a night and do whatever we want. Even if it takes a while to get there I'd rather be scraping by, sleeping in a van, eating gas station food, and doing what I love. But if Scott is truly doing what he loves, I support him, and I'm fine with his decision. But me on the other hand...I refuse to have a sub par job. I will never wake up and be mad that I have to go to work. I'll never have "just another boring day at the office". And I will never be sick of what I'm doing. Because I would rather be poor and loving every minute of my life, than rich and regretting the fact that I didn't take a shot at something. That I didn't follow my dreams. I hate regrets. More than almost anything else in the world...besides traffic.

And this is the one part of my journal that I hope people read. Never...ever give up on your dreams. Never let someone tell you that you aren't good enough. And never let yourself get caught thinking about what could have been. God has given everyone a gift for a reason. He has set in our hearts a desire and a love for something on purpose. Dreams aren't made to throw away. Their made for you to go after and get. And even though it's not always easy, you have to go for it if you really want something. The only way you can catch your dreams is if you go for it. You commit and put in the time to do it. You won't wake up one morning and have your dreams all come true. You have to go get them. And what I believe most people do is give up on their dreams and find something else that works for them. It works, and its not a bad life, but it isn't the one they've dreamed about their whole life. That is depressing to me. I don't believe that people get lucky. I believe that everyone is where they are because of choices they've made. To either follow their dreams or give up. I will never give up.


I'd rather spend my whole life chasing after something I love, than spend it wishing I had.